HAIL and Museum Day

We spent the morning catching up with an old friend at the Historical Museum, messing around (aka learning stuff) in the exhibits, then we attended the local Homeschool Alliance for Iowa Learners (HAIL) meeting. Not too great for attendance but it is a fledgling group that I hope will take off. The only current liaison group is an exclusive Christian one that IMO does not serve or represent all the Iowa homeschoolers. I think that maybe people don't realize right now how much the current pending bills (concerning HSAPS, legal reporting age, and curricula) will affect them in the long run so there is not an immediacy to react. We'll see. I think it is better to have someone representing our interests before the laws get written or changed than to try and force change later. My kid is 3. We don't have to report for another 4 years BUT I can conjecture what impact these laws will have on our options. I am concerned enough to try and do something now.


Anyway, then we went home and played outside. It was in the 50's, but Lil'Bug still wanted her coat. I foiled dinner again. I thought the meat was thawed and Dearest started up the grill- alas, it was frozen hard. So out to dinner (again) we went. I am sick of eating out. Lil'Bug could care less. Food is just a time that she has to stop talking for a bit..... well, sort of. She won the hearts of all who heard the story she told the waitress about how she was friends with her new sister in heaven, but she had a plan to come first to save mommy and be a big sister, but soon they'll be friends again and play. Oh, it was cute.


Tomorrow I am having a paint give away here at our home. I have 70+ containers of interior and 10+ exterior paint. Some are quarts, most are gallons. I would just buy paint over the years when there was a sale or I had an idea for a a room or two and then didn't follow through. We have to clear out the basement (and various corners of the house) and so I am giving it away. The upside is I get to meet a lot of online people from our local Yahoo list. :) Ah, but strangers coming means I have to kick butt cleaning up the place. Bah. I'll get done what I can.


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On another front, baby and I are doing great. However, one of our local pregnant mom friends needs our prayers and good thoughts this week. There's not much I can do for her right now but hope for her (and baby) to have a good week.

Breastfeeding Review

Last night's Bradley class was all about breastfeeding and co-sleeping.

Pause.

In case anyone didn't know already, we co-sleep. Not as much anymore now that Lil'Bug wanted her own room, but she still needs to be snuggled when she has nightmares. Co-sleeping is highly controversial in the US. Why? My gut reaction is Pottery Barn. Places like that try and sell you an ideal nursery with all the things you NEED, including an expensive slatted side bed ......the crib. You also need a glider and a changing table and and and.......cha ching. People are made to feel bad if they can't afford the best, safest, trendiest devices and furniture for their bundle of joy. Worried about your baby closed up in a crib in a room down the hall? Buy a baby monitor. Still worried? Buy a heartbeat sensor monitor. For heavens sake, don't just run down there and cuddle the baby, that has no corporate profit.

What we discovered we really needed? A baby. Sometimes a blanket. Love. None of which get safety recalls.

Any flat surface can be used to change a diaper. Any dresser will hold clothes. We used the crib once for a nap and Lil'Bug woke up terrified and alone. I don't like sleeping alone. Most people don't. Most humans spend their late youth and adulthood searching for someone to share their sleep with. Babies don't understand the world, why would we wrap them up and leave them isolated and alone for hours at a time? Don't get me wrong, I bought or was gifted every single baby thing on the market. New. Sometimes two. I had the decked out nursery and a second changing station downstairs for convenience.

This time I have registered for cloth diapers and some diaper station type things (like a pail and liner). That's it. I know the clothes will come rolling in as gifts, I also know that most of the other plastic devices don't fit in our lifestyle anymore.

And breastfeeding. I forget sometimes exactly how hard it was for us in the beginning. It was really hard. Everywhere we turned for support people would tell us, "You know, formula isn't poison." ???? What kind of response is that? My milk came in REALLY late (and corresponded with an ER visit for heavy post surgery bleeding) and Lil'Bug had a hard time latching and we were given just about every single plastic device known to the industry to get it to work. Most of those things got in the way of real progress. I felt like I was failing as a new mom, but I wouldn't give up. Even the pediatrician was doubtful of our progress, however, a resident Dr. gave us encouragement and reassured us at daily weigh ins that she was gaining and to keep at it. Another ray of hope was Dear Husband's Grandma who came to stay for the holidays and quietly encouraged me, told me stories about her brief experience with breastfeeding, her own lack of support and regrets.

And the biggest support- Dearest Husband. He was really set on our success because of his ear problems. Breastfed babies are less likely to get ear infections because of the mechanics of sucking and swallowing among other things. He suffered terrible infections as a child and has partial hearing loss because of it. He wanted no such thing for our beautiful baby girl and really kept me going with it. He made it easier for me at every turn. He even held warm wash cloths for me when I got sore and every other helpful thing possible. I cannot imagine going through what we did alone AND she's never had a single ear infection, thank God.

6 weeks later, we were finally comfortable with it. Then I had to go back to work. I pumped milk in my office while I worked at the computer and took phone calls. Sometimes I pumped in the car while driving to classes or to museum sites. If I wasn't actually breastfeeding, I was pumping. It was my life for 9 months. Milk milk milk. Totally worth it. At 9 months, I quit my full time job and went to part time, slowly decreasing face to face time from that point on. Sometimes the only time I really had to sit and connect with Lil'Bug was when I was breastfeeding her.

It took me a long while to get comfortable feeding her in public. I was even harassed by other moms (strangers no less). I breastfed Lil'Bug in bathroom stalls and isolated hallways, even out in the car. Eventually I got over it and just fed her discreetly when she was hungry.

My earliest day care provider really pushed formula on me. "For back up," she said. I brought her extra milk frozen instead.

I'm also not ashamed to say we breastfed until Lil'Bug was ready to wean. She was almost 3. Now when she plays Mommy to her baby dolls she pulls her shirt up to feed them Mommy Milk and that makes me smile and warm in my heart.

There are things we talked about in class that I had forgotten about. Milk sometimes smelled like the food I ate the night before. Sometimes it would take on tints of color of foods like broccoli and blueberries. I had forgotten how hard it was to sometimes find a place to pump milk on campus and when my job took me off-site. How hard it can be to travel where the laws regarding public breastfeeding are stricter than here in Iowa.

Mostly the things we talked about in class made me really long for the upcoming day when I will get to meet June Bug and hold her to my breast for the first time.

Yearly Tradition, Happy St. Pats

Yup. Every year, I find myself on this day.....putting away the last of the Christmas ornaments. At least this year it wasn't the tree too.

Remember my ambitious list of deep cleaning? Yeah, whatever. I've made slow progress, but not nearly where I wanted to be. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Life happens. Progress is still progress. I will finish the race.

Here's the revisited list:
Here are the items on my list to tackle, dark blue is done (sort of):

• Put away fake tree and better label ornament boxes. DONE!!!!
  
• My office/craft room: need more baskets and hang some wall art (or baskets on the wall- neat idea I saw in Country Living, shhh.) Moved in, no baskets, total chaos anyway.
  
• Lil'Bug's room: need room for all her new loot. Need to change out 2T to 3T clothes, pack and label the 2T crate. Hang her wall art. (Thinking about framing her art and hanging it....)
• My bedroom: finish painting the trim, find (make?) better window treatments.
• Paint hallway (fine, this has been on the to-do list since 2004.....)
• Paint laundry room.
• Paint hall, bathroom, and laundry room trim. Hang wall art.
• .......(cue drums of doom) the north bedroom: right now a staging area for pre-packing and all other "stuff". Clean out, set up spare bed. Maybe paint the walls. Maybe. Hang wall art.
• Then paint middle parlor. Oh yeah, find good colour for that room. Gah.
• I have cleaned the car 3 times.
• Clear out pile of construction stuff in dining room.
  
• Shoe issue in foyer

So progress is still progress.

Gentle

So for all my striving for gentleness and release I missed something. Today I was asked for advice by a dear blogger friend who faces similar dynamics in a delicate family situation. In attempting sage wisdom I realized something about myself:

I practice gentleness and compassion to my own child but not to others. I treat her with respect and understanding, but I often do not give the same consideration to other moms or their kids. I do for my online students, and most of the time for others, but not 100% of the time. So for all my talk, yeah, I need to recenter my thinking a bit. I grumped around a bit this morning when I realized this, but I think things will get better now. If I'm going to talk to the talk.......

;) Thanks Evie!

Right Now

Lil'Bug is watching Tarzan and imitating Tarzan imitating the jungle animal calls. She's also leaping off the couches and rolling around trying to get the moves right.

:) Oh, for more rainy days like this one!

Photo Challenge 10- Self

I'm sorry I missed last week for the photo challenge. Oops. Totally fried and flu sick last weekend.

This week I have been challenged to take a decent belly photo. I had to learn how to use the timer on the camera, but I'm still working on it.

This doesn't have to be a self portrait though, just how do you view yourself? Through what? How? Where?

(Also, my brain is fried. Any suggestions for themes are welcomed!)

Yeah, What She Said

"Lil'Bug, why do you take so long to eat your food?" (She doesn't start eating until everyone else is finished and ready to clear the table......)

"Well, actually, my teeth are little. Your teeth are big," she looks at us like we should know this, being her parents and all.

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This morning she went to the moon. And back. And then to the moon one more time. There are monsters there and she would be lonely if we didn't come too, so she shared her helmet (a Mr. Potato head container).

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"Honey cookies" do not have any honey in them. They are classic peanut butter cookies. She helped make them last night and discovered the ingredients.....She doesn't care. "I will still call them honey cookies, mama." Yup. Fine.

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Last night the baby kicked her while she was cuddling me. So she sang her lullaby to my belly. It was so sweet.

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In the morning I heard a funny little voice saying, "Mama, mama, mama," not in distress but singing......while Lil'Bug is supposed to be sleeping......so I peeked in her room:
"Well, actually, I was peeping like a baby bird. Listen. The baby birds outside are upset because daddy went to work and they miss him and their mommy is getting breakfast ready. They are lonely. Mama, were you getting me breakfast?"

Cool Music

I was at a friends house last month and she had the neatest music mix playing. I asked her about it and she shrugged and said it's just the Internet. I pressed on, what station? I-tunes?

Nope. Pandora. The music genome project. You type in an artist you like and through a complex equation based on sound, genre, etc they match up other artists and songs that are similar and Poof! a radio stream that plays only music that you like! I have found so many new artists that I want to order BUT I also now have a nice background music for my day.

I have 5 different stations going right now for my varied tastes.

Oh, and it is FREE! You have to register after a trial period, but it is still free. My techie Dearest Husband approved the registration as not being a security harm. :)

So, I had to share this with you all. (Especially Heather K. who is looking for music to play in labor.)

PARK DAY RETURNS!!!!

Oh thank goodness for park day, muddy joy and all!

The Promised, Though Blurry Belly Pic

Rocket Girl

The new exhibit at the Science Center opened this week. Yay!

To the moon! What a cool rocket.

This is the egg drop. She wrapped it carefully and sent it up. This summer we will do a real egg drop at the park. I can't wait!

This is the Daddy Robot. Lil'Bug calls it that because of the instruments it plays. Her Daddy can play them all at the same time just like this robot, she says.

At last, the bubbles. Of course she has to use ALL the wands at the same time. She was sopping wet by the end of the day. This meant we had to stay a bit longer so she could dry out a bit. Planned? Perhaps. You never can tell with tots.

Tough Day

Today our fence got graffitied. We've lived in this neighborhood 9 years and that's never happened, so it is frustrating. It is gone now, easily sanded away, but still.

Also, yesterday the place my husband works announced the lay offs of 80+ people. They are selling the building, moving people around, etc, but 80 or more people won't have jobs soon. Dear Husband has worked there 9 years and while his job is not being eliminated, it is certainly impacted. He is really shaken about the whole thing. Many of the people are his close friends.

I've seen a gritty side to job loss as a child and as an adult (educator) at our local community college while dealing with Maytag's closing in Newton. It is not pretty for anyone, not families, not those impacted, and not even those who still have their jobs for now. Sometimes people come out of it better off than they were before, but not often. Tonight and many nights after, these families and friends will be in our prayers.

It was 60 degrees today, so we spent most of it outside playing or inside with windows open airing out the house. What more to add? We simply enjoyed each other as a family today.

Glucose Screen

I scored a 128. That's good according to my midwife and this source has more information too.

I am relieved since GD runs in my family. So does obesity and diabetes in general and many of my female relatives developed these during or after pregnancy.

28 Weeks!

Even if my ticker there at the bottom doesn't quite say that, the midwife informed me I am now officially past the 28 week marker and doing great!

I took the glucose (lemon-lime is way better than orange BTW) test today, results back tomorrow. I start going every 2 weeks for well mama visits this month and even though I feel terrible in my head (snotty, sore, like my sinuses will explode before falling out of my head......) apparently I look great. I'm measuring 28 weeks too which means that the fibroid isn't growing (last pregnancy I measured 3 weeks more than I actually was, they say) and I don't need another ultrasound (so far). I gained a little much these last 4 weeks, but I was a little on the light side before so it all evens out.

Bradley classes last night were pretty uneventful, save some serious birth film watching. We saw a water birth in Mexico, a series of squatting position births, and a very un-graphic home video of our instructor's 1st birth. I didn't admit this in class, but I had never really watched a birth film before. I had seen them on tv (but usually changed the channel) and doodled through one in a jr. high health class I think, but not really watched them. Wow.

But it wasn't so much the films themselves that impacted me, but the visuals. I dreamt last night of our upcoming birth and for the first time I could visualize it and hold it in my head. I can see myself giving birth in a way that I was not able to do before. Before I was unsure, not confident at all, but now it feels like I can do it and I know that I can.

When I was pregnant with Lil'Bug I just took it for granted that I could labor and deliver, I never visualized it, and I certainly didn't educate myself about the whats and what could go wrongs. I hired a Doula and a Midwife and called my stats better than average. Yeah. I know. I'm sure I just took it for granted that everything would go well because I wanted it to. That sounds bratty, but it is true. When I had contractions I went to the hospital. This time, I want to labor at home, but there are things I know about labor now that I didn't before (even after experiencing it).

Another thought I had was more of a regret. 10 or so years ago a woman who's kid I watched invited me to the homebirth of her second child. I would be the support person for her 2 year old, etc. I said no. I said no way. I now understand what a wonderful gift I would have given the little girl and her family and what a sacred event they were inviting me to be a part of. I said no and never gave it a second thought. I remember being grossed out that she was essentially having a party at her house while nakedly birthing a baby. There were so many people coming (in my mind, more than 3 is a lot) and her extended family and neighbors were all going to be celebrating with her. Now, I regret not being a part of it AND now I can see what an amazing support system she had in place to welcome her growing family. We don't have that. We have a handful of family, most who live far away and all who will wait at home for the phone call. I didn't grow up here, so no long time friends that I know well enough to be naked around. We will still have the security measures in place at the hospital, so that will make having visitors after the birth difficult (though the alternative is WAY worse).

So in my reflection, I have realized that not only did I say no to L. and her family, I have said no to many opportunities for friendship that is more than a meet and greet. Oh, and L. is a midwife now!

It is also amazing to think how much we have grown as people and as a family in the last four years. Both Dearest Husband and I are more present in our own lives than we were before, more active in our health, and more in love than ever. What a blessing that is!

So forgive the rambling update. I have a couple posts brewing in the draft folder that are much more coherent.

Crappy Weekend

How long does this bug last exactly? Yup, still sick. And now grouchy because nothing got done.

Well, not nothing. I got caught up on grading and laundry is done (ish). Spring break is around the corner. Daylight savings sprung forward. Yada yada.

And so the week starts. It is a very, very busy week. Dr. appointments, homeschool legislation meeting, swimming (if we feel better), Sci Center opens a new exhibit, Lil'Bug has asked for a playdate with friends, and we begin to cook to freeze meals for May/June.

This week, we freeze 3 lasagnas and 2 servings of Beans and Ham Soup. Easy to make extra.

Purple Soap

We get our bath soap from Amy at the Foil Hat. I've been tempted to try Soapchix Seredipity or even our local Prairieland Herbs, but I really like Amy's soap and why mess with something good?

When we arrived home from our day outing there was a package on the porch.

Let me start out with this little known fact: Seriously. I have not gotten my tot to take a bath without a struggle for the past month. It has been a stinky time. Even if I get her in, she sometimes jumps out before I can get her hair washed. We maybe get her scrubbed down and actually clean every 3 days or so. That's pretty good I think.

Today, when we got home from our outing there was a box waiting for us on the porch. She said it must be for her and took it inside, opened it up, and sorted all the soap all out on the table. Too cute, but there's more.

She found the bar of purple grapefruit. She smelled it. She looked up at me delighted and exclaimed it was time for a bath. (Thank you Amy!)

As she got into the bath with 1/4* of the bar of precious purple soap, she declared that when bath time is over she needs to write a thank you note to the lady who made the purple soap. Seriously, could this be the same terror tot that tore apart my house in under 20 minutes and managed to find and roll in every mud puddle at every park even during the summer drought? She arranged it in her own soap dish and set her bath crayons next to it.

Also, my bathroom now smells heavenly. I love grapefruit, she loves purple. Tot emerged from the bathwater clean by her own volition and bath time lasted more than three minutes. I actually got some laundry done.

*I cut the full bar in 1/4 sections so it lasts through her dropping and losing it in the bath water. It is also easier for her to handle.

The bar at the faucet is the amazing kitchen soap made with hazelnut and coffee grounds. It gets the garlic and pepper oils off of our hand like (almost) nothing else ever has PLUS doesn't smell like a dead hippie. Oh, and it smells soooooo good.

Thank You For The Well Wishes

I am still sick, but at least now I am semi-functional.

Yesterday, I had a scary bout of dehydration which led to Braxton Hicks contractions. I was pretty calm about it since I knew it was dehydration. I tried to get fluids to stay down. I called my husband. He came immediately home from work with movies, soda, and then he tucked me into bed and spent the day with Lil'Bug. I slept, I woke and sipped Sierra Mist, I slept some more.

I am still sick today, still have bloody nose and sneeze attacks, a slight headache BUT now I can eat and walk around. I big belly is sore, but I expected that.

Lil'Bug was so very patient and good through this all. I decided today to take her out to the Science Center. We spent the whole day there, did all the project stations, ate lunch, played with friends, and then saw Spiderwick on the IMAX. I got more rest than I might have at home.

Dear Husband called and is taking us out to dinner so I don't have to cook or clean. Whoo hoo!

Oh, and we got a package in the mail when we got home. The contents get their own blog entry. :)

My New Bag

I am not a purse person. I hate carrying stuff in something removable- I prefer deep pants pockets. Sadly, this just will not work for the things I tote in my role of mother. Try as I might to fit an extra pair of shoes and outfit for Lil'Bug into my pants pockets.......and yes, she needs these wherever we go. No, not potty issues. Mud, water, slush issues. My kid has the park day nickname The Muddy Hippo because of a stunt she like to pull.

Then there is my camera. The bag the camera came with broke. I wasn't really happy with it anyway. It had no interior padding or support for the camera and no pockets for stuff and the only was to close it was a flap closed with two plastic buckles (the part that broke). Stuff would bounce out. So I bought a better bag. Three ways to secure the top closure, decent padding inside, water resistant (see note about tot above), and camo green. I care not for fashion and was not willing to wait another week for blue or black. Bah.

Also, no water bottle holders. Right. That sounds like a good idea: water bottle + expensive electronic stuff + me = not a good thing, even a little bit. No cell phone holder either, but that is why I have pants pockets!!!!

I am very happy with my new bag. It may not be couture, but neither am I. Most of the time I am worrying about stuff to get rid of, stuff to downsize, stuff that clutters. It's not often that I get to spoil myself with such a luxury purchase. :)

Out

Migraine, bloody noise (oops, I mean nose), and can't keep anything down. Flu? I don't care, I just want it to go away.

Paper Tigers and Teacup Storms

Yesterday my husband made me feel really special. It wasn't in a single gesture or gift or touch, but in a glance. We made eye contact during class, and I smiled, he smiled back and immediately I felt the same wonder as the first time we kissed. That's it. So simple. :)

It happened last night during Bradley class. We practiced relaxing through pain and 1st stage labor positions. This exercise involves self inflicted ice cube torture (holding an ice cube in hand for 1 minute at a time). I thought it was awesome. Dearest cuddled me while I practiced relaxation and meditation.

Here's the thing: all week long I was worried about how I would do in a room full of people (not unlike labor in a hospital) so I practiced at home. Yes, from experience, I can wholeheartedly say that ice cube torture has nothing on the pain of contractions and nothing compares to the excruciating horror of being sliced open in the belly to have a baby extracted BUT I like having practice at meditation and relaxation. It is a skill I really need help with, labor or no.

This week I have also come to understand the image I focus on when meditating. Rural Eastern Colorado, mid summer, clear night. I used to camp out in my aunts back acres, just a sleeping bag and me (or siblings too). The air was cool and forest animals noisy, but the sky was swirled with the Milky Way and in that vastness, that solitude I felt free and safe. Perhaps I am still working through the turmoil of childhood abuse, but it was not constant as I had the safe haven of my aunt and uncle's farm and their love. What does this have to do with birth and labor? I read this week that abuse issues can hamper labor, complicate medical care. In fact, I do tense up severely with certain doctors and situations. So, that being my paper tiger, I am going to work this week on understanding that those people are not my former abusers, nor tools of my abusers, that they are there as my employees and caregivers to assist in my and my baby daughter's safe passage though labor. This time around we do not expect to need, but will still plan for additional hospital security measures. This time we will explain it early on to the head nurse so that we don't encounter problems like last time.

The second type of meditation I have been working on is total sensory awareness of the present moment. This is not relaxing inherently. Noises and textures bug me so I often retreat inside my own head to compensate for the exterior nuisances. During labor, Bradley method suggests being totally present and aware of all the physical sensations and sensory experience. This is what I have to work on. Being present, and not retreated to the depths of my imagination will help me cope with many aspects of everyday life, not just labor.

I think it is time to write our birth plan.

Better Butter- The Pictures

We made butter again today, this time with the stand mixer. First, the stand mixer was easier and less messy than the food processor. I manage to get almost three cups of liquid worked out of the butter this time, in contrast to last time's 3 table spoons. This makes a huge difference.

This time I also remembered to salt the cream. This had two bonuses: 1) Yum and 2) Lil'Bug didn't finger as much out of the bowl while "helping".

We started with a quart of cream. Just the cream, not the bananas or the pineapple. I just thought it made a nice still life. :)

Picture number two (on the right, above) is my choice of attachment for the mixer. I am very happy with it even though at the end the butter was all trapped in the cage because this actually helped work the liquid out by centrifugal force. Cool.

Whipped cream stage. Remember the salt? Ha ha. Fingers out of my bowl kid!

Trapped. This is a good thing.

YUM. It looks like ice cream, but it tastes like butter. I could squeeze and shape it with my hands into tubes, but I didn't see the point. This is only enough (about 3 cups) for the next 2 weeks. If I made more at a time, then I'd shape it for storage.

Photo Challenge 9- Joy

I know, not as simple. But when I captured this little joy on film (digital) I thought it might be fun for friends to catch some of their own. I was messing with settings and it ended up with the shot in B & W. I love it!

Emergence

When the energies- child, balloon, and pregnancy in the family- collide this is what inevitably will happen, eh?

She walked around the Natural Living Expo telling anyone who would listen that she was having a baby too. Yes, I am just about that pregnant. I plan on posting belly pics this week. Her belly pic is way cuter than any of mine!

Egg Roll Recipe for the Wondering Christine

I got the original recipe from AllRecipe Best Egg Rolls Ever

• 1 pound ground pork
• 1 teaspoon ground ginger
• 3 (or more to taste) garlic cloves crushed
• 1 quart peanut oil for frying (important oil- affects the taste)
• 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons water
• 2 cups shredded cabbage (we like red, but regular works too)
• 2 ounces shredded carrots
• 8 (7 inch square) egg roll wrappers
• 2 tablespoons sesame seeds (optional)

I also use curry sometimes. I love curry. I mash it in with the garlic and the pork. Go to the above link for the directions on assembly. The only difference is that I prepare the eggrolls ahead of frying and keep in the fridge until ready. I'm just not fast enough at assembly to roll and fry at the same time.

Also, I did not get these made last week. Life conspired. :)

When Emus Attack

Have you ever googled when emus attack? No? What, you may ask, would prompt such a search?

Welcome to my day.

We were not, per se, attacked by an emu, but rather challenged by one in a really scary way. Yes, we were at the zoo, although it would be perfectly acceptable narrative to have this happen to me somewhere else (at least in the scope of events in my life, since really strange things tend to happen to me). BUT, at the zoo, it happened. Emus are huge birds with really big sharp beaks. The enclosures at our zoo are not enclosed, but rather habitats that you walk through on paths with no fences. The animals are usually indifferent and off the path, but not today. Today, the emu would not let us pass and was charging us. Quick thinking on our part, allowed us to get out BUT STILL......zoo staff snickered and mocked me a little. They said it must be mating season but I looked it up and that doesn't start until April. Hmph.

Then dearest husband mocked me A LOT. Not funny. Ok, maybe a little funny NOW, but not at the time. And, dearest emu, I plan on tracking down an emu burger and gleefully eating it so ha ha.

Actually my day started out pretty good, bacon and eggs and a lovely breakfast. It was when we headed out that I slipped on the stairs and into an icy puddle (ow) and then underestimated the time it takes to drive to the mall with the carousel (which was beautiful, Lil'Bug rode a dragon, a gazelle like goat, and a horse). We arrived late, but enjoyed immensely the company and the playing. We lunched and had fun walking and then snacked on a pomegranate smoothie, yum. The Lil'Bug wanted to go to the zoo so we invited our friends along. 39 degrees outside, 2 feet of melting snow, and a sugared up tot? Yeah, let's all go to the zoo!

Emu "encounter" aside (need I say that Lil'Bug thought the whole thing was so very awesome and joyfully expounded on the experience from her point of view when Daddy got home from work?), she splashed in every ice slush puddle she could find until, "bugs are stinging my feet, help help!"

????? I removed her shoes, icy and wet. No bugs. No bug bites. She was just articulating the stinging cold of wet, slushy puddle feet. Yeah, kid frostbite starts as stinging. Duh. Oh, and I get the mom of the year award for letting my kid splash in ice slush puddles while shod in canvas sneakers. I know, brilliant.

So home we went. What a day. Despite all the zoo drama I had a wonderful time with Laura (LifeDreamed) and her K.- thank you lady! I wish I had brought my camera.

Negative Feelings

I have been harboring some negative thoughts and feelings and it's time to cut anchor.

Mostly, I have found myself judging and resentful toward people I know I admire, but have somehow let me down. Other moms, making their way in the world, just like me. Today, I found myself verbalizing some of these feelings to a friend (and spouse) and it was awful. It felt bad to me and the kind ears listening. I am so sorry.

Upon reflection, perhaps this is but a step in my journey. I realized quickly what these feelings were doing to me and once I was home and in the quiet, I understood them better. It is easier to feel put out and judgmental than to work at friendships with people who are living different lives than what we choose. It is not about homeschooling or not, believing or not, mindful about food or not- the root of it all is my creating walls to protect myself from the vunerability of friendship. In reality, I am still hurting.

So, while I am cutting anchor to the feelings and letting them go to sea, I am swimming back to shore to the picnic.

Baby Update- Bye Bye Belly Button

26 weeks and my belly button is getting tiny (that's what Lil'Bug says). I can't see it. I realized that all of the mirrors in our home show only chest and head. Ha. Anyway, it's gone! Whoo hoo a milestone!

Also, I am working hard at training for birth. Yoga, stretching, kegels, squatting. I only do about 20-60 minutes a day but boy am I sore. That means to me that I need the exercises.

This week I am craving Oreos. Yuck. I am not giving in. Ok, I did a little and had an Oreo ice cream sandwich and it made me feel really sick. What I learned from Lil'Bug's pregnancy was to figure out what about the food I was craving and find a healthier medium. So fried pies became egg rolls because I wanted the fried crispy part. What about Oreos can be translated into healthy? Yeah, beats me.

Tomorrow I am making egg rolls from the cabbage I grew last summer and froze. Yum. I'll post the recipe. I make them with ground pork and curry. Delicious. (But not Oreos......) I am thinking about adding spinach. Has anyone ever made eggrolls with the spinach AND cabbage?

Dinner A La Complication

Things that went wrong today with getting dinner ready.......

Lil'Bug was upset that we ran out of yellow apples. She cried. What does that have to do with dinner? She left the fridge door open and I didn't notice for an hour or so. Dinner must be made with food that would otherwise spoil. Hmmmm.

Made Lazy French Bread from scratch. Simple enough recipe but......drumroll please.....after a perfect rise and punch down and rise I went to preheat the oven and it wouldn't. (sigh) Dearest walks in and tries to save the day. It took all three of us to figure it out and fix it. That was neat. Someone had knocked into the dial and a wire thing came unplugged. Plugged back in and everything is awesome. Except.....the bread is starting to fall? Yikes. Hopefully it will be ok.

Lil'Bug decided to mop the kitchen floor with dish soap. Super slippery. Good thing my balance is awesome with giant kitchen knife. No fatalities or injuries, but close. Too close. Sitting down now. There is still a wee bit of numbness in me limbs from the panic. (Say that like an Irish marm for the full affect....)

So recipe for tonight's soup?
Leftover ham roast boiled until it fell apart and made a good stock.
1 bag of frozen Italian Blend veggies
Leftover potatoes
1 cup of Parmesan cheese, grated
1 cup of cream

Served with bread. Bread that was too dough-y and was missing something in the instructions, I think. Surely it can't be my mad kitchen skillz.

Disappointing Endings

This week I have read both Grimpow by Rafael Abalos and the Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. Both well written, incredible novels.

Except for one minor problem.

The endings. The last chapters. In both of these books the last chapter felt forced, like a neat a tidy clean up of all loose ends. I hate that.

It has been a while since I've read anything but Juvenile fiction chapter books so to read through hundreds of pages of gripping well told storyline only to emerge from it disappointed was, well, disappointing.

Perhaps it is me. Has anyone else read these?

Finally, Yum

Finally we got these made.

CI's yellow cupcake, cream cheese frosting, filled with raspberry jam (our own!). Lil'Bug added the sprinkles.

Photo Challenge 8- Emergence

Emergence

It's a vocabulary lesson and a photo challenge! :)

And we're back.....

I took a blogging break this weekend. I was tired, had a headache, and nothing to say that was nice. Yes, nothing.

It started with a playdate that took a sour turn on Friday (Lil'Bug has discovered the amazing hurtful power of name calling) and the weekend went into a downward spiral from there. I maintained my "gentle" well into Saturday but then I was too tired and started yelling and crying too.

Sunday morning my dearest let me sleep in and played with kid ALL morning. That was so awesome. We recovered nicely and this week has started out lovely. My sister surprised us with a lunch treat to a gaming place that is like Chuck E Cheeses without the scary animatronics. Lil'Bug is surprisingly accurate with the water sniper game. No, really. I mean, she's 3! As a young girl I had good target accuracy too, but not until at least 6 or 7.

So then we came home and dearest headed off to band practice. Lil'Bug and I watched a movie (The Last Mimsy), she took a bath, and after she helped me get a ham roast in the oven. Delightful.

She confided in me that she is really worried about being a big sister. She is worried that I won't come help with her nightmares anymore and that she'll have to give up her toys. I reassured her, I think.

Anyway, I'll post the photo challenge and some stuff in a bit.

Tagged by CenterDownHome

If I were ...

... an ice cream flavor, I'd be Apple Mint. I read about Apple Mint ice cream in Redwall. They make it with mint leaves and real apples and real cream. I would love to get the Kitchenaid ice cream bowl for my mixer and then try this out. It sounds creamy, fresh, and yummy. Most people would crinkle their noses at it for its weirdness. Yup, that's me.

... a fried food, I'd be a Natchitoches Meat Pie. Never heard of it? I hadn't either until our honeymoon in New Orleans. It's a pastry crust filled with spiced ground meat (pork and beef), red and green peppers, onions, and stuff- then deep fried. Cajun, filling, and suprisingly compact.

... an extreme sport I'd be a house painter on a three story Victorian house in tornado season in Iowa. Yup. Done that. Doubt it is a sport? Try it and then get back to me. In fact, the season's coming up and I have extra paint brushes....

... a retail store, I'd be an antique and oddities store. Does that count? I could spend hours wandering the isles of places like that.

... a vegetable I'd be a kohlrabi. These little veggies are hardy, will grow almost anywhere, and look like they are from Mars. Yup, that's me!

... a fruit, I'd be a raspberry, still warm from the sunshine and wet from the morning dew. Not over ripe, just a little tart, and full of seeds.

... a building, I'd be an old historic stone church with twisting spires and hidden alcoves. I'm still exploring all of my own mysteries, faith, and beauty.

... car, I'd be a 1971 VW Super Beetle. Parts of the axle duct taped, high maintenance, good gas mileage, and really fun to drive.

Not tagging anyone, but I'd love to know some of these things about all of you!

Evolved

Today served as a reminder for me as to how far I've come.

10 years ago I thought breastfeeding a 1 year old+ was yucky, co-sleeping was dangerous, and the no vaccine crowd was a danger to our society. I was the one who made nasty comments in public about people who did these things.
10 years ago I preferred boxed food and felt a little sick even thinking about food from someone's garden let alone eating it.
10 years ago there was no way I was changing my name when I got married. Hyphenated maybe.
5 years ago I had a closet full of harsh cleaning chemicals that I used without gloves.
5 years ago I put down my pen and camera and pursued a career instead.
4 years ago I was still pretty sure that food labeled "organic" was a scam and it was the same food as the other but with a higher price.
4 years ago I was warned away from La Leche league when I probably could have used their support more than most.
4 years ago I trusted most advice anyone gave me.
4 years ago I didn't know how to change a diaper.
3 years ago I worked full time with a newborn baby in daycare 9 hours a day 5 days a week.
2 years ago I worked part time with an infant then toddler in daycare.
2 years ago I started to help in our garden and kitchen.

Now I prefer fresh food even over organic produce, even better picked right off the vine in my own back yard.
Now I understand what pesticides and hormones and preservatives in food did to my body.
Now I understand the importance of community and finding support for my choices.
Now I can change a diaper (though I have not in almost 2 years), kiss a boo boo, and change a load of laundry at the same time.
Now I work at home and not when I should be present for my family.
Now I question what we use as cleaning aids in our home and on our bodies. I am working to not have anything in our home that would kill us or our pets or our garden.
Now I seek out my own answers, co-sleep, breastfed a 2.75 year old who weaned herself, I vaccinate but question when it is necessary.
Now I homeschool.
Now I can cook to feed my family and understand the basics of kitchen chemistry and have only a 5% chance of starting a small kitchen fire.
Now I honor the commitment made to my husband and family by taking his name and making it my own.

It did not happen overnight. It did not happen upon the birth of my first daughter. It is still happening now. I am evolving into the mother and wife that I want to be and finding all the best parts of me once left abandoned. I am working towards gentleness for my family and myself.

Too Cool, Old School

Today is tax day for us, we gather up all of our many, documents and head off to an accountant. Life should be much simpler than it is, but alas. So, while celebrating the day we find out how much money we loaned to our government at a rate of 0% (ie, our refund), Lil'Bug asked us what taxes are.

???

I know what they are, but how do I explain to a three year old? So, my explanation was as follows: Mommy and Daddy give a lot of the money we work really hard for to some people. Those some people decide how best to use it; some of it builds roads, some pays for police and fireman, some helps pay for other kids to go to school, some helps "the sad babies"* get doctors and food, a lot pays for soldiers and wars, and a lot pays for the work that the some people do to decided all of these things. That's the sum of it.

* "the sad babies" are who we also donate clothes and toys and food to, she decided they must be really sad if their mommies and daddies can't get them clothes and food and toys.

She crinkled her nose at me. Thought about it for a bit and then responded, "I saw a fire once. We need firetrucks. I have too many toys anyway." Huh. Ok.

So since I was sharing our kitchen table wisdom, I thought I might also share our unexpected science lesson for the week:

"I want cheerios!" Lil'Bug can be a bit cranky, so imagine this as a grumbling demand and not a joyful shout.

"Ok, let me just get the milk," I said.

"No, I want cheerios with water."

???

"Yuck. No," said Daddy.

"Hmmm. Why not? Sure you can try it in a little cup," I pour a bit and put water on it.

Crunch. Pause.

"Mama, why is it yucky?"

"Milk is a colloidal suspension. Water is just a liquid. So, milk has all these tiny good things floating in it that make it harder for the milk to make the cheerios soggy but plain water doesn't. Make sense?"

She looked at me. She looked at the milk, "Cool. Old School." She opted for the bowl of cheerios with milk BUT only after she ate all of the contents of the small cup with cheerios and water.

Lessons learned- the science of liquid AND a lesson in parenting. What if I had just said, "No, yucky. Because we said so. Deal with it kid."? There was no harm in what she was asking to try. If she's asked to eat laundry soap, then I would have said no, but cheerios and water? Let her see for herself why we think it is yucky and explain to her a bit of science. No harm, LOTS of learning. As a bonus, her day was brightened up and she lost her case of the grumps. Discovery and joy can do that to a tot.

Technology Woes

It figures that when I finally make time to sit down and attend to my online classes, the college's network goes wonky and no one has access to anything. When will it be fixed? They don't even know what happened as of yet. I called about 5 minutes into the panic. The online classes AND campus email AND payroll are all gone according to the hyperventilating helpdesk guy. He's got it way worse than I do is my guess.

So what should I do with the time? It is not like it's a get out of jail free card since I will have to make time for the work later and that's a bugger. I am considering what I will have to do later and do it now so I can just switch the tasks and not get behind. Problem with that is I am all tuckered out and I use the sit down and grade as my physical down time. Argh.

Also, when will Blogger get the spell checker to work? EVER? They should just take the function down if it is never going to work again.

Contemplative

Last night was Bradley class. We did an encouragement exercise and went through the stages of labor. Lots of questions were asked by us and other students. What can go wrong, what steps lead up to interventions, etc.

After class, Dear Husband and I spent a little bit of time in the car driving to get Lil'Bug from Nana's house discussing things. He was concerned that I am over analyzing what went wrong with Lil'Bug's birth and blaming myself for things beyond my control. ???? So we talked. My memory is pretty fuzzy about that day's events, it was interesting to here it from his perspective. The summary of it was this: the fibroids did horrible things that made the chemicals and muscles in my body not able to function in accordance. Labor was impossible with no dilation and zero effacement and yet strong hyper contractions. Add IV chemicals to the mix and it became a dangerous situation. We made the right decision to C-Section to end up with us both healthy.

Does this mean that early on I could have done things differently to have a better outcome? Maybe. The fibroids were pretty established when I got pregnant. I ate well, but not as well as I now know I could have. I didn't exercise, I didn't inform myself of all the possibilities. I simply paid for things that I thought would safeguard us from intervention due to statistics. In reality, nothing could have. Perhaps if I had been informed better I would not have had such postpartum guilt. Perhaps.

Perhaps it is time to release those questions and move on.

The encouragement session was lovely. My husband is amazing and entertaining. When it was my turn to say nice things about him, it all came out wrong. So I will restate it here, for the record:
1) He's been wonderful about helping with meal planning and paying attention to the details. Variety and nutrition have been very important and having a second set of eyes on my weekly plan has really helped. As a bonus, he picks out the most awesome fruit and veggies and knows when they are ripe (I don't). Plus, he helps cook and doesn't complain when I try something new.
2) He is good about taking Lil'Bug out for Daddy/Daughter dates and giving me a chance to catch up at home or work or just rest. We have a tricky balance here of housework and my teaching online and Lil'Bug and Husband taking classes and playing in a band so our partnership is the key to what makes the balance work.
3) He reminds me to do my exercises and helps me to remember to take breaks. He's done his reading too. Every book I set next to the bed for him to read has been read. He's also been amazing when I get emotional and worried and freaked out.

I'm not including here the one thing I said he could do better. We all do that same thing at our house, and it was unfair for me to bring it up in class. I am sorry dear.

Photo Challenge 7- Local

What is your local view? What does local mean to you?

This one was inspired by our farm visit last week as I realized that even here in Iowa the view out the window changes every so many miles. We've also been talking about local food systems, wildlife, and businesses in our conversations online- the threads of discussion embedded the word in my mind for contemplation this week.

Farm Day

We visited a friend on her CSA farm yesterday. Wow. What a treat! Her daughter and Lil'Bug are pretty close to the same age and temperament. This meant that the first hour or so of them getting to know each other involved crying, throwing things, and more crying. Then they warmed up to each other and played pretty well.

I got to talk food, diapers, babies, houses, schoolishness, farming, etc. Good times that. Before we knew it, it was time to go. A very good day indeed.

Phones

Ok, so I've mentioned my aversion to telephones and now I should probably answer the question, eh?

When I was a kid my parents used to make me call to make doctor and dentist appointments, get information on classes (that I'd never get to take) etc. I was so terrified that I'd make myself a script to read and then notate and fill in the lines where the receiving person would respond. I'd do this with friends too as a teenagers, especially boys. The script helped, but to this day, I'd still rather not initiate phone calls.

As an adult, I worked at a call center for a bank's division of credit fielding angry calls from customers about their credit cards. Headphones that streamed calls in non-stop. If I turned it off for a moment, my time card was docked. There were ways around this, but really it was 200+ calls in 8 hours. Oh, with the mirror in 1/4 cubical so we could make sure we smiled while conversing with the "customer". I lasted about 4 months until another job offer came in. I can't believe I lasted that long, but the pay was ok and the benefits were good. Still, soured the whole phone thing for me even more.

Then we went wireless at home. Cell phones = dollars per minute. No problem, until my new job required a lot of phone based networking on my own time. For some reason I really enjoyed that. It was mostly talking old houses and preservation stuff, so I was in my groove when the calls came in. Generally, I did not make calls.

Suddenly, I was this mom who loved to talk on the phone. I mean I was really in love with it. I talked on the phone with friends multiple times a day despite the fact that I saw them a good portion of every day. I was on the phone with someone, work or not, almost 10 hours a day. Seriously. You know the moms who chat on their cell phones while pushing their kids on swings at the park? That was me. One day Lil'Bug, at 9 months old, started holding things up to her ear and babbling into the pretend phone and then turning away from me when I tried to play with her. Message received.

The thought of talking on the phone while trying to care for my family and home just took on a whole new feeling for me. I resigned from many things and scaled back a lot, almost to nothing.

So, the effects of this are pretty evident. I work and network mostly through email, but not everybody does or even checks email daily so sometimes I miss out. Some people get really offended when I email them back after they've left me a phone message. There is also a level of intimacy that people gain chatting on the phone, but for me I get distracted and feel like I'm not giving my all. So, I make due with the technology that suits me best when I have time to attend to it. I also blog so I don't end up repeating the same stories about our day to the many long distance relatives who do call. We all still get to be connected and they even have said they like the almost daily log with pictures better! :)

Happy My Valentine

In a chat today with a friend who married her high school sweetheart too, we reflected on how lucky we all are 12 years later.

I dated losers and jerks until I met my husband at age 17. We were friends first. He was sweet and kind and opened doors for me. He read the same books I did and would talk to me about them. He bought me milkshakes to cheer me up. One night he picked me up from work in a blizzard and asked if I had even seen a certain painting. No? Want to? Off we drove at midnight, 4 hours in a blizzard to Kansas City. All this before our first kiss.

Once that happened we were inseparable. I can count the days we have been apart the last 12 years. He is a wonderful father and husband.

Before we were married he decided to do everything he could to get me through college, even if it didn't work out between us. None of our friends really understood that. He was devoted to my happiness and that was an amazing thing. Even now, he may make jokes about my massive student loan debt and itty bitty income, but never in a mean way.

That said, he's alway been by best friend. We've grown together, though we are different people than when we were at 19, we are still interesting to each other. That's pretty neat.

Happy my Valentine. I am so glad you are mine. :)

Thursdays Part 2

We missed library day. There was a setback with making lunch and it was ruined so I had to make something else and by that time, we missed the library thing. So of to swimming we went. It had been a while and I forgot what a joyful swimmer Lil'Bug is. She did her "dangerous" tricks and dove to the bottom of the pool and back. She practiced swimming to the side and back, about 12 feet. Laughing and singing the whole time. We pretty much had the pool to ourselves until 1:30 when a mass of homeschool families descended in, or rather the kids did since the moms were outside in the lobby watching through the glass wall.

After swimming and to allow time to dry off, we checked out the new kid gym. It has kid sized and safe workout equipment. Funny thing is, since I am only 4'10" (ish), regular equipment has always been a pain for me to use. This set was perfect. I showed Lil'Bug how to use each one and then we exercised together. Very cool.

She fell asleep on the way home but woke up soon after. All I wanted was a spinach salad but my spinach is missing. I know we bought some at the store last Saturday and I haven't used the new one yet, but I cannot find it anywhere. So I made my salad with Belgium Endive. It was a bit like iceberg in flavor, which to me is unappealing, but served up ok in this pinch. I used bacon, apples, Parmesan, and Caesar dressing. Pretty simple, but not as yummy as my spinach salad.

Thursdays

Today Lil'Bug got up way too early.

I had to drag myself out of bed and follow her downstairs to relieve daddy in time to get ready for work. I still feel run over. Lil'Bug is so full of energy it is spewing out of her ears.

And so the day started. I did the rounds, made the beds, unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded the dishwasher, and went to change loads of laundry only to find that overnight they had mildewed? Huh? I thought that only happened in the summer time! Gah. So now I am rewashing instead of folding and I feel totally off track.

I have papers to grade that will get done today. Today is IHE's new library day and we wouldn't go but for that I left my only pair of scissors at craft day and I NEED them back ASAP. I hate our downtown library and that's where it is at. It is also swim day. If we opted out of swim day we could go to game day. Why is Thursday so popular for group activities with homeschoolers? Swim day is what Lil'Bug has her heart set on so that is the direction we will head after library visit BUT it means we have to pack a lunch and find a place to eat it before swimming.

Bright side is that now, except for the two loads of laundry pending, the house is tidied up and dinner is a simple 20 minute deal. Tonight we shall make cards and I shall finish up the grading for the week. Sometimes busy days get more done in less time. Now, off to pack a lunch.

Yoga 60 and Menu

I did the whole entire yoga routine, all 60 minutes of it. There was only one pose I couldn't do because my crappy folding chair is the wrong height. Whew. I am zonked and a bit sore and a lot thirsty, but I feel warm and comfortable despite all of that. I also played different music and muted the DVD- the instructor on the program's voice annoys me and my thought was that if I eliminated that I might stick it out longer. Yup. I love the soundtrack to The Piano, by composer Michael Nyman. Lovely.

So the question came up again this week about how and what we eat around here, how we have time to make stuff from scratch, ect. So I thought I'd post our menu for this week:

Dinner:
Sunday: Turkey, mashed potatoes, peas
Monday: Class night, so we ate Planet Sub's food
Tuesday: Whole wheat penne pasta with sausage meatballs and shredded parme and garlic bread (supposed to be Green Bean Schezwan, but missing beans)
Wednesday: Turkey, broccoli (w/ butter, pepper, and lemon), yams (steamed)
Thursday: Steak, acorn squash, snow peas
Friday: Fish (Cod, baked) and crispy oven fries w/ Cajun seasoning
Saturday: Chili

Lunch (Dearest either takes leftovers from the night before or a sandwich fruit combo):
Sunday: Soup, spinach salad
Monday: Cheeseburgers and apples
Tuesday: Cheese Noodles (Parmesan Fettuccine w/extra Parmesan and peas), leftover Planet Sub, chicken nuggets
Wednesday: Leftover pasta and meatballs w/fruit and milk
Thursday: Spinach salad with dark meat turkey
Friday: Peanut butter sandwiches and yogurt (leftover yams)
Saturday: Chicken nuggets with leftover oven fries and

Breakfasts are rotating with one or more of these elements:
Oatmeal with added fruit like apples, raisins, dried cranberries, and/or bananas
Scrambled Eggs with bacon or sausage
Cheerios with milk and fruit on the side
Whole wheat toast with peanut butter and/or raspberry jam

Sometimes I have oatmeal and make bacon too. It depends.

Snacks involve fruit and sometimes peanut butter on one slice of bread folded like a taco or yogurt with fruit add ins. If we are on the go, I slice up fruit and/or put a dry mix of raisins and pretzels and whole wheat goldfish together. Fruit this week included:
Strawberries, grapes, apples, tangelos, cantaloupe, bananas and frozen blueberries.

We drink orange juice, whole hormone free (and local) milk, tea, and water. Dearest also drinks cherry cola and coffee.

Every week I plan the meals so we have a variety of meat and vegetables and fruit. My protein counts are about 110 each day. I drink about 3.25 quarts of fluid, mostly water and whole milk. Desserts are for really special occasions and Lil'Bug can have whatever fruit whenever she wants, usually it is an apple.

So what we eat really isn't that different or odd, just planned and mindful. We eat locally raised, hormone free beef and pork, hormone free chicken, and local hormone free milk. (See a pattern?) We have noticed a difference in our health since we've opted out of hormone laden meat, most significant for me is the reduction of fibroids both in my uterus and breast tissue and I no longer have calcium knots in my hand and toes and ear cartilage. Medical studies have shown links to the artificial hormones to these medical conditions and some cancers.

So there's the details of our food week. Tomorrow I shall post a recipe! :)

Another Baby Update

We had a scheduled Midwife appointment for the glucose test. She's in a new office with new staff and the staff scheduled it too early. I have to wait another 4 weeks. Fine. Lil'Bug wore her doctor coat and everything and was a cute little doll asking questions and ready to help. We did find out why I feel so different in the belly though, the baby is now head down instead of sideways. No wonder I feel so much lighter in the belly- different muscles are being strained. I also talked with the Midwife about my daily food log, she was impressed at my protein counts but reminded me to drink more water because that much protein (which is needed for the baby and placenta) can damage my kidneys. Yike, that's good to remember. Today I will stop and pick up a stainless steel canteen.

So that's what's kicking!

Also, we stopped by a freecycle unschooler open house and struck gold. Lil'Bug got a pair of ice skates and an ocean life book and I got enough new books to keep me reading for the next month! Very cool. We also got a make your own fancy paper kit. I can't wait to play with that one! I'll post a picture later of the loot.

New Categories

Last night I got the most amazing collection of recipe ideas for pregnancy eating, two of them actually printed out. Yum. So I am starting a new category for recipes. Later tonight I will post some, but I'm also adding the label to previous recipes.

Why I Never Made it To Medical School

I wanted to be a trauma surgeon. I wanted this at such an early age that at age 11 I read an EMT training manual and passed all the practice tests in the back. I doctored animals. At 13, I took basic first aid, at 14 became a hospital volunteer and shadowed the unit nurses and doctors.

Then, I saw blood. Lots of it spurting out of a patient all over the floor. And I saw how people die when they have AIDS. And suffering that couldn't be helped. I was never the same. In the end, I am glad I worked as hard toward the goal as I did so early because I learned so much about myself and my own capabilities. I now have skills many other don't.

But still. Now I can't even watch ER without a little anxiety. So why am I sharing all of this? Last night, during birthing class, a guest speaker Midwife brought a placenta in a bucket. A real, only 24 hours old, placenta.

I didn't realize this at first, I thought we were going to see a plastic model. When they started to arrange the plastic floor mat, I made a joke about the "no BBQ snacks during class" rule (all white furniture and carpet). Ok. Once I realized that what I had said was so TOTALLY inappropriate for what was about to be presented, I went from my usual pasty white to beet red and was mortified at myself. Yup, leave it to me to say the most tasteless thing ever. Gah. In a room full of pregnant people too. Geeze.

So then the paper was laid out and the Midwife lays out the organ. It was huge and bloody and I braced myself for biology lab smell. Surprisingly there was no smell. We learned about nutrition and how protein intake affects the organ, cultural practices involving it, that humans are the only mammal that doesn't eat it, and some of the complications involving placenta in 3rd stage labor. Whew. Seriously, why don't more people take this class? (The picture below and on the left is just a Google search find. Even though I had my camera with me, it didn't occur to me to take a picture.)

The question occurred to me at the end of the presentation to ask, "How do they remove the placenta in a C-Section?" I almost wish I hadn't asked. Flash back of all things awful. The answer is that the surgeon, or whoever, uses a gloved hand and scrapes it out with his or her fingertips. Then Dearest volunteered the memory of when he saw this happen. I just didn't really know that.

My reflections on the class? The placenta was from a successful VBAC. Wow. The original cord had a true knot (that part was cut off?) and we learned about that too. We also shared recipes and talked nutrition some more. It was the first time I really thought about how my nutrition might have impacted my last trimester with Lil'Bug and led to the C-Section. She was 9 lbs 6 oz when she was born and I had mega fibroids restricting contractions. Nutrition has helped me this time around manage fibroid growth and keep June Bug's projected birth weight normal. Not just eating well through pregnancy, but eating well the past 4 years, better even the last 3. So, that's about it.

Also, apparently I am OCD about menu tracking and food log. I was not the only one who tracked foods, but ingredients and protein counts too, but in great detail daily. I also do the exercises daily, though the yoga for 20 minutes only twice a week. I am working on that.

If I hadn't said this before: Thank you Sarah, for linking to the classes on your website and mentioning it on your blog. I never would have found it otherwise and it is an amazing experience.

Birthday Parties Part 2

My birthday, 31st, is this week.

What does this mean to me exactly? Nada. I don't measure age by chronological years, but ability, experience, and readiness. This quirk of mine is really getting me in trouble when I try to sign Lil'Bug up for stuff to do locally. They go by birthdays. Period. Bah and unfair. There was a preschool we once considered because they set their admission criteria by ability and not age. She was ready for enrollment at a little less than 2 (potty training, walking, language skills were all included in the criteria). Still, I was unsure that it was the right place for her even if it was more right than other places.

We all gain understanding and experience at different time from different things, why does a yearly marker matter so much? Why is it so important that so and so is 5 and her friend is 12? Obviously, there are unhealthy relationships at all ages and, as parents, we have to be careful about some friendship parings but overall there are times when multi age groups are ideal and healthier than age segregation.

So, back to the birthday thing. I usually forgo parties and revelry for a quiet night at home. Presents at our house are given year round, as delight driven instead of event driven (though we do still do major holidays for kid and others). Birthdays growing up for me were complicated, as I was an odd duck at school, parties were either parents did the inviting or no one showed up. Neither was pleasant. I didn't even go to my sweet 16 because I was not even asked who to invite and no one on the guest list was anyone I knew. It wasn't about me. I'm not really a party person anyway, the noise freaks me out a little (image crowded mall at Christmastime effect).

I bought myself a gift this year, a necklace. Husband replaced some small kitchen stuff for me and we bought a Wii. So it feels like I am rolling in new stuff without having a big to do. My favorite birthday ever was the trip to Lincoln we took in 1998 where Dearest Husband bought my wedding ring from an antique store in the Haymarket district. He gave it to me then as a birthday present, promising to propose later. His reasoning was that I could keep it if something happened, where just an engagement ring has to be returned. Also, he wasn't ready to propose yet. I was cool with that, sort of. It all worked out. My other favorite birthday was my 28th, when Lil'Bug was just a babe. We stayed at home. New baby cuddled with me on the couch. Lovely.

This year, we are just too busy to do anything at all for birthday. We have stuff to do- doctor appointments, play dates, swimming time, field trips- every single day of the week. I actually love busy weeks, since they feel like more gets done and with us out so much, the house stays tidier.

Today we are of to an unschoolers open house/freecycle day, then a craft activity at the library, and after that Lil'Bug goes to grandma's while we head to Bradley class. Yippee!

Photo Challenge 6- Cherish

In honor of the calendar's theme for the week.........

Simplifying

In a quiet contemplation I realized a couple things: I am over complicating.

What that means to me is complicated, go figure.

In my search to find homeschool community I subscribed and became active in 3 local groups and a couple yahoo threads. I did this to test the waters, but I don't easily let go of things even when they are not working out. They are not working out. I jumped right in to planning and organizing and yada yada. In all but one group I was made to feel silly or excluded because my kid is only 3. All but one. Tag alongs that age and younger are welcome, but I don't have older kids so she's not a tag along and therefore not welcome? Huh?

So why do I keep going at it? Why not only go and pour energy into the one group that has always welcomed us with open arms? Why face the anxiety whenever this issue rears its head? Just to test myself? Bah. Release.

So, hopefully without burning bridges, I unsubscribed and downsized my profile on all but one group. I think it's the right choice for us and somewhere down the line maybe we'll step back in. The whole tag along logic thing is just too much for me to handle. It doesn't make sense. It is not fair. It is not "unschooly" group dynamic and I think that is the root of the problem for us. I just don't think Lil'Bug should be stuck with preschooler type activities if she is ready for more challenging learning. She's 3, but has mad verbal skills and can keep up with the 5-6 year olds. In playgroups that is who she plays with. I have a problem with age segregation on many different levels. It just seems so random, especially at that age where children all have varying skills and abilities and a brain spurt can happen overnight. Especially when we are life long learners and learning from life. I just don't feel welcomed in a group that doesn't welcome my child. I don't like that aspect of our society that separates our children from the world (and us) and designates things based on age instead of abilities.

I also have over complicated, perhaps defensively, my search for friendship. Instead of really making new connections and fostering them, I opted for group activities and hosting events. I think February and March will be a time for us to make more one on one play dates and really get to know people personally. This means, perhaps, that I should tidy the house up a bit. :) Lil'Bug prompted this by saying she doesn't want to just play, she wants to play with friends.

Then, what seems like out of the blue, I was asked to sit on a board for a homeschool advocacy/lobby group. Wow. I did serve on 3 statewide boards in my previous career and worked with non profits and marched our state capitol, etc. That's why I was asked, I'm sure. I know how it works and how to play the game. The thing is, I also know how much time it takes and how much time it takes away from my family. It is why I resigned from all the other advocacy work I did. However, this is important work and longterm. So this week, I am careful considering how that would factor with the baby on the way.

I missed it

I missed the Cloth Diaper Crowd's "garage sale". I am really bummed. I meant to go, I put it on my calendar, then the day came and went. Stupid calendar.

Really, what I wanted to do was see what was what. They have these fancy, just like disposables but you wash them, all in ones. Also, there are variations in between that and folded cloth squares. I just wanted to see and then maybe get some cheap diapers too. But, alas, I missed it.

Well, 4 more months to check it out!

Every Last Darn Thing in The Universe is a Unit Study

Everything has a bit of everything in it. Every discipline is interlinked with every other in some way. Like the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Maybe sometimes you have to stretch it, but not really.

Yes, my MA is Interdisciplanary Studies so I am a big fan of this idea.

Here goes a brief (very brief) explanation.....

Learning about a historical event/era:
History
Math- dates, statistics, maps
Science- depends on the event and could be chemistry, medical science, political science, psychology, agriculture, ect.
Reading- most documentation is in written form
Literature- related works

Start from the other end, a literary work:
The work itself, reading.
History- context of the author AND history of the era discussed/set
Science- again, depends on the selection. For example, a book set in the revolutionary war era could include all the previously mentioned sciences
Math- approach varies. With poetry, rhyme and meter. Economics and distribution if the book is a best seller. Statistics, maps, etc.

You could add architecture to just about anything. Or dinosaurs. Lil'Bug likes to add dinosaurs. :) And art. And physical activity. And theatre. And music. Oh and cooking! Do you get the idea?

So, this concept allows me to explore many things from many approaches. A couple months ago I read on a classical homeschooler's blog (scoured for hours to remember which one and provide a link, sorry!) that she couldn't figure out how to add science to her young boys' studies which is heavy on language and arts. I raised my eyebrows in wonderment when she came up with nature studies, drawings of wildlife, to satisfy this? That's a great idea, but so limiting! I mean, if you live and breathe you are walking science! If you eat. If you move. If you do anything at all, science is everything!

But so is math and history and architecture and and and.....

I am constantly seeing connections between disciplines, new ones everyday. My thesis involved art, architecture, history, politics, writing, psychology, sociology, city planning, anthropology, chemistry, math, maps, music, criminal justice, etc. That is why I had to go Interdisciplinary- my idea was to complex to limit, though ultimately I had to focus on three major ones to satisfy the committee. Thesis topic? One, solitary house on the National Register or Historic Places, the restoration of, the history of, and the people who lived in it.

So why limit learning? Why not embrace the complexity? Why not find that bit of passion that your kid has by exploring all angles of a thing, or at least more than one? I don't mean, create a formal unit study- instead just think about this concept when you start asking questions. Use those questions to fuel discussions.

Here are some links to make it interesting:

Strange maps. History, sociology, cartography, and art.

The science of cooking. Math, chemistry, etc

The history of food

Winter Blahs or Whoo Hoos

I don't have the winter blahs. I had the blahs in the summer.

Our snow total for the season is 39 inches, our average is 30. Heh. More snow on the way. I think this helps, keeps the view outside fresh instead of muddy and slow. If we were not on a rotating sniffle schedule, we'd being playing outside in it.

Yesterday was a blast. I learned much about Chinese New Year AND the friend which I have been navigating troubled waters about was there. Surprisingly, I didn't even tense up. It was awkward at first, but ended up relaxed. No, we will never likely be as close or trusting BUT at least I had no panic attacks and it was proven we could be civil if not friendly. For me, it was a big step in the release goal.

Lil'Bug made new friends, we saw friends we hadn't seen since park day, and we just relaxed. It was nice to attend instead of host. All said, our venture out into the snow was well worth it. Oh, did I mention there was a cheese ball? I love cheese balls.

More later.

11 Inches of Snow

We got 11 inches or so. That was the official total and it matches up with what is cut out on the sidewalk.

We stayed in all yesterday, but today we venture out for a cabin fever busting craft day and Chinese New Year celebration. Year of the Rat, and all. We're meeting up with park day friends that we have not seen since warmer weather.

Last night was rough. I didn't sleep well. The exercises and yoga made me feel, well, normal instead of pregnant and I got very anxious about this. Why? It's my thing- over analyzing. Then I had nightmares about sitting on the baby, the baby being only 2 inches big, ect. Geesh. Silly. I finally got some sleep this morning, but only a couple hours. Dearest stayed home late and ate breakfast with us, reassuring me that the exercises were designed to make me feel more fit and not to worry. :) Ok.

We are going to start back up with swimming next week. This week is just too crazy.

Music Bit

Lil'Bug asked to listen to "real" music today, like in Daddy's truck.

?????

She sang some lyrics. KMFDM. "La la la we don't care!" Hmmm. Note to self, talk to Daddy.

I played Gorillaz for her, selecting lyric appropriate songs. Interesting turn, this one's taste in music. :)

I am so relieved to have a break from Kidz Bop and Music Together. She said she is too!

What She Says To Daddy

I found this posted by my husband (re: our Lil'Bug) on a message forum he frequents, it was too funny not to share!

we get similar from lil

lil - "daddy! I need to tell you somethin'!"

me - "yes dear?"

lil- "um, well, actually, mama and I had a tea time today" x repeat a billion.

or

lil - "um, well, actually, starkitty doesn't like peanut butter. one time she ate some and she DIED!"

or my recent favorite -

lil - "Daddy pick me up and let me touch the ceiling!!"

/I pick her up, she touches the ceiling.

Me - "did you like that?"

lil - "It makes me feel like when I eat melons!"