Evolved

Today served as a reminder for me as to how far I've come.

10 years ago I thought breastfeeding a 1 year old+ was yucky, co-sleeping was dangerous, and the no vaccine crowd was a danger to our society. I was the one who made nasty comments in public about people who did these things.
10 years ago I preferred boxed food and felt a little sick even thinking about food from someone's garden let alone eating it.
10 years ago there was no way I was changing my name when I got married. Hyphenated maybe.
5 years ago I had a closet full of harsh cleaning chemicals that I used without gloves.
5 years ago I put down my pen and camera and pursued a career instead.
4 years ago I was still pretty sure that food labeled "organic" was a scam and it was the same food as the other but with a higher price.
4 years ago I was warned away from La Leche league when I probably could have used their support more than most.
4 years ago I trusted most advice anyone gave me.
4 years ago I didn't know how to change a diaper.
3 years ago I worked full time with a newborn baby in daycare 9 hours a day 5 days a week.
2 years ago I worked part time with an infant then toddler in daycare.
2 years ago I started to help in our garden and kitchen.

Now I prefer fresh food even over organic produce, even better picked right off the vine in my own back yard.
Now I understand what pesticides and hormones and preservatives in food did to my body.
Now I understand the importance of community and finding support for my choices.
Now I can change a diaper (though I have not in almost 2 years), kiss a boo boo, and change a load of laundry at the same time.
Now I work at home and not when I should be present for my family.
Now I question what we use as cleaning aids in our home and on our bodies. I am working to not have anything in our home that would kill us or our pets or our garden.
Now I seek out my own answers, co-sleep, breastfed a 2.75 year old who weaned herself, I vaccinate but question when it is necessary.
Now I homeschool.
Now I can cook to feed my family and understand the basics of kitchen chemistry and have only a 5% chance of starting a small kitchen fire.
Now I honor the commitment made to my husband and family by taking his name and making it my own.

It did not happen overnight. It did not happen upon the birth of my first daughter. It is still happening now. I am evolving into the mother and wife that I want to be and finding all the best parts of me once left abandoned. I am working towards gentleness for my family and myself.