I can't do it. I can't just spill truth out all over these pages bravely. Truth hurts.

What I can do is state how I feel.

One of the things I wish had gone down differently is how truth was distributed and withheld from me and from my children.

I wish Chad had waited and not told the kids about the divorce while I ran to the grocery store.

I wish he had told me that he started dating someone before we filed for divorce.

I wish that when he discussed with me introducing her and said it would be an afternoon playdate that he would have been honest and told me that the kids would no longer ever see him without her too, durring the week of Christmas holiday and going forward. *Kids like gradual intruductions and not obbessive saturation.

I wish he had been honest.

I wish he would have not cashed out all of our savings and retirement.

I wish that he had not told me he needed the farm stuff and convinced me not to liquidate it for asset split. Half of some things were mine and he left the farm as soon as that was in writing. I could really use a lot of it now, not just the money.

I wish that I had loved him.

I wish that I could have left sooner on my own.

I wish him happiness.