Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Another Baby Update

We had a scheduled Midwife appointment for the glucose test. She's in a new office with new staff and the staff scheduled it too early. I have to wait another 4 weeks. Fine. Lil'Bug wore her doctor coat and everything and was a cute little doll asking questions and ready to help. We did find out why I feel so different in the belly though, the baby is now head down instead of sideways. No wonder I feel so much lighter in the belly- different muscles are being strained. I also talked with the Midwife about my daily food log, she was impressed at my protein counts but reminded me to drink more water because that much protein (which is needed for the baby and placenta) can damage my kidneys. Yike, that's good to remember. Today I will stop and pick up a stainless steel canteen.

So that's what's kicking!

Also, we stopped by a freecycle unschooler open house and struck gold. Lil'Bug got a pair of ice skates and an ocean life book and I got enough new books to keep me reading for the next month! Very cool. We also got a make your own fancy paper kit. I can't wait to play with that one! I'll post a picture later of the loot.

Tuesday, 12 February 2008

New Categories

Last night I got the most amazing collection of recipe ideas for pregnancy eating, two of them actually printed out. Yum. So I am starting a new category for recipes. Later tonight I will post some, but I'm also adding the label to previous recipes.

Why I Never Made it To Medical School

I wanted to be a trauma surgeon. I wanted this at such an early age that at age 11 I read an EMT training manual and passed all the practice tests in the back. I doctored animals. At 13, I took basic first aid, at 14 became a hospital volunteer and shadowed the unit nurses and doctors.

Then, I saw blood. Lots of it spurting out of a patient all over the floor. And I saw how people die when they have AIDS. And suffering that couldn't be helped. I was never the same. In the end, I am glad I worked as hard toward the goal as I did so early because I learned so much about myself and my own capabilities. I now have skills many other don't.

But still. Now I can't even watch ER without a little anxiety. So why am I sharing all of this? Last night, during birthing class, a guest speaker Midwife brought a placenta in a bucket. A real, only 24 hours old, placenta.

I didn't realize this at first, I thought we were going to see a plastic model. When they started to arrange the plastic floor mat, I made a joke about the "no BBQ snacks during class" rule (all white furniture and carpet). Ok. Once I realized that what I had said was so TOTALLY inappropriate for what was about to be presented, I went from my usual pasty white to beet red and was mortified at myself. Yup, leave it to me to say the most tasteless thing ever. Gah. In a room full of pregnant people too. Geeze.

So then the paper was laid out and the Midwife lays out the organ. It was huge and bloody and I braced myself for biology lab smell. Surprisingly there was no smell. We learned about nutrition and how protein intake affects the organ, cultural practices involving it, that humans are the only mammal that doesn't eat it, and some of the complications involving placenta in 3rd stage labor. Whew. Seriously, why don't more people take this class? (The picture below and on the left is just a Google search find. Even though I had my camera with me, it didn't occur to me to take a picture.)

The question occurred to me at the end of the presentation to ask, "How do they remove the placenta in a C-Section?" I almost wish I hadn't asked. Flash back of all things awful. The answer is that the surgeon, or whoever, uses a gloved hand and scrapes it out with his or her fingertips. Then Dearest volunteered the memory of when he saw this happen. I just didn't really know that.

My reflections on the class? The placenta was from a successful VBAC. Wow. The original cord had a true knot (that part was cut off?) and we learned about that too. We also shared recipes and talked nutrition some more. It was the first time I really thought about how my nutrition might have impacted my last trimester with Lil'Bug and led to the C-Section. She was 9 lbs 6 oz when she was born and I had mega fibroids restricting contractions. Nutrition has helped me this time around manage fibroid growth and keep June Bug's projected birth weight normal. Not just eating well through pregnancy, but eating well the past 4 years, better even the last 3. So, that's about it.

Also, apparently I am OCD about menu tracking and food log. I was not the only one who tracked foods, but ingredients and protein counts too, but in great detail daily. I also do the exercises daily, though the yoga for 20 minutes only twice a week. I am working on that.

If I hadn't said this before: Thank you Sarah, for linking to the classes on your website and mentioning it on your blog. I never would have found it otherwise and it is an amazing experience.

Monday, 11 February 2008

Birthday Parties Part 2

My birthday, 31st, is this week.

What does this mean to me exactly? Nada. I don't measure age by chronological years, but ability, experience, and readiness. This quirk of mine is really getting me in trouble when I try to sign Lil'Bug up for stuff to do locally. They go by birthdays. Period. Bah and unfair. There was a preschool we once considered because they set their admission criteria by ability and not age. She was ready for enrollment at a little less than 2 (potty training, walking, language skills were all included in the criteria). Still, I was unsure that it was the right place for her even if it was more right than other places.

We all gain understanding and experience at different time from different things, why does a yearly marker matter so much? Why is it so important that so and so is 5 and her friend is 12? Obviously, there are unhealthy relationships at all ages and, as parents, we have to be careful about some friendship parings but overall there are times when multi age groups are ideal and healthier than age segregation.

So, back to the birthday thing. I usually forgo parties and revelry for a quiet night at home. Presents at our house are given year round, as delight driven instead of event driven (though we do still do major holidays for kid and others). Birthdays growing up for me were complicated, as I was an odd duck at school, parties were either parents did the inviting or no one showed up. Neither was pleasant. I didn't even go to my sweet 16 because I was not even asked who to invite and no one on the guest list was anyone I knew. It wasn't about me. I'm not really a party person anyway, the noise freaks me out a little (image crowded mall at Christmastime effect).

I bought myself a gift this year, a necklace. Husband replaced some small kitchen stuff for me and we bought a Wii. So it feels like I am rolling in new stuff without having a big to do. My favorite birthday ever was the trip to Lincoln we took in 1998 where Dearest Husband bought my wedding ring from an antique store in the Haymarket district. He gave it to me then as a birthday present, promising to propose later. His reasoning was that I could keep it if something happened, where just an engagement ring has to be returned. Also, he wasn't ready to propose yet. I was cool with that, sort of. It all worked out. My other favorite birthday was my 28th, when Lil'Bug was just a babe. We stayed at home. New baby cuddled with me on the couch. Lovely.

This year, we are just too busy to do anything at all for birthday. We have stuff to do- doctor appointments, play dates, swimming time, field trips- every single day of the week. I actually love busy weeks, since they feel like more gets done and with us out so much, the house stays tidier.

Today we are of to an unschoolers open house/freecycle day, then a craft activity at the library, and after that Lil'Bug goes to grandma's while we head to Bradley class. Yippee!

Sunday, 10 February 2008

Photo Challenge 6- Cherish

In honor of the calendar's theme for the week.........

Simplifying

In a quiet contemplation I realized a couple things: I am over complicating.

What that means to me is complicated, go figure.

In my search to find homeschool community I subscribed and became active in 3 local groups and a couple yahoo threads. I did this to test the waters, but I don't easily let go of things even when they are not working out. They are not working out. I jumped right in to planning and organizing and yada yada. In all but one group I was made to feel silly or excluded because my kid is only 3. All but one. Tag alongs that age and younger are welcome, but I don't have older kids so she's not a tag along and therefore not welcome? Huh?

So why do I keep going at it? Why not only go and pour energy into the one group that has always welcomed us with open arms? Why face the anxiety whenever this issue rears its head? Just to test myself? Bah. Release.

So, hopefully without burning bridges, I unsubscribed and downsized my profile on all but one group. I think it's the right choice for us and somewhere down the line maybe we'll step back in. The whole tag along logic thing is just too much for me to handle. It doesn't make sense. It is not fair. It is not "unschooly" group dynamic and I think that is the root of the problem for us. I just don't think Lil'Bug should be stuck with preschooler type activities if she is ready for more challenging learning. She's 3, but has mad verbal skills and can keep up with the 5-6 year olds. In playgroups that is who she plays with. I have a problem with age segregation on many different levels. It just seems so random, especially at that age where children all have varying skills and abilities and a brain spurt can happen overnight. Especially when we are life long learners and learning from life. I just don't feel welcomed in a group that doesn't welcome my child. I don't like that aspect of our society that separates our children from the world (and us) and designates things based on age instead of abilities.

I also have over complicated, perhaps defensively, my search for friendship. Instead of really making new connections and fostering them, I opted for group activities and hosting events. I think February and March will be a time for us to make more one on one play dates and really get to know people personally. This means, perhaps, that I should tidy the house up a bit. :) Lil'Bug prompted this by saying she doesn't want to just play, she wants to play with friends.

Then, what seems like out of the blue, I was asked to sit on a board for a homeschool advocacy/lobby group. Wow. I did serve on 3 statewide boards in my previous career and worked with non profits and marched our state capitol, etc. That's why I was asked, I'm sure. I know how it works and how to play the game. The thing is, I also know how much time it takes and how much time it takes away from my family. It is why I resigned from all the other advocacy work I did. However, this is important work and longterm. So this week, I am careful considering how that would factor with the baby on the way.

Friday, 8 February 2008

I missed it

I missed the Cloth Diaper Crowd's "garage sale". I am really bummed. I meant to go, I put it on my calendar, then the day came and went. Stupid calendar.

Really, what I wanted to do was see what was what. They have these fancy, just like disposables but you wash them, all in ones. Also, there are variations in between that and folded cloth squares. I just wanted to see and then maybe get some cheap diapers too. But, alas, I missed it.

Well, 4 more months to check it out!

Every Last Darn Thing in The Universe is a Unit Study

Everything has a bit of everything in it. Every discipline is interlinked with every other in some way. Like the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. Maybe sometimes you have to stretch it, but not really.

Yes, my MA is Interdisciplanary Studies so I am a big fan of this idea.

Here goes a brief (very brief) explanation.....

Learning about a historical event/era:
History
Math- dates, statistics, maps
Science- depends on the event and could be chemistry, medical science, political science, psychology, agriculture, ect.
Reading- most documentation is in written form
Literature- related works

Start from the other end, a literary work:
The work itself, reading.
History- context of the author AND history of the era discussed/set
Science- again, depends on the selection. For example, a book set in the revolutionary war era could include all the previously mentioned sciences
Math- approach varies. With poetry, rhyme and meter. Economics and distribution if the book is a best seller. Statistics, maps, etc.

You could add architecture to just about anything. Or dinosaurs. Lil'Bug likes to add dinosaurs. :) And art. And physical activity. And theatre. And music. Oh and cooking! Do you get the idea?

So, this concept allows me to explore many things from many approaches. A couple months ago I read on a classical homeschooler's blog (scoured for hours to remember which one and provide a link, sorry!) that she couldn't figure out how to add science to her young boys' studies which is heavy on language and arts. I raised my eyebrows in wonderment when she came up with nature studies, drawings of wildlife, to satisfy this? That's a great idea, but so limiting! I mean, if you live and breathe you are walking science! If you eat. If you move. If you do anything at all, science is everything!

But so is math and history and architecture and and and.....

I am constantly seeing connections between disciplines, new ones everyday. My thesis involved art, architecture, history, politics, writing, psychology, sociology, city planning, anthropology, chemistry, math, maps, music, criminal justice, etc. That is why I had to go Interdisciplinary- my idea was to complex to limit, though ultimately I had to focus on three major ones to satisfy the committee. Thesis topic? One, solitary house on the National Register or Historic Places, the restoration of, the history of, and the people who lived in it.

So why limit learning? Why not embrace the complexity? Why not find that bit of passion that your kid has by exploring all angles of a thing, or at least more than one? I don't mean, create a formal unit study- instead just think about this concept when you start asking questions. Use those questions to fuel discussions.

Here are some links to make it interesting:

Strange maps. History, sociology, cartography, and art.

The science of cooking. Math, chemistry, etc

The history of food

Winter Blahs or Whoo Hoos

I don't have the winter blahs. I had the blahs in the summer.

Our snow total for the season is 39 inches, our average is 30. Heh. More snow on the way. I think this helps, keeps the view outside fresh instead of muddy and slow. If we were not on a rotating sniffle schedule, we'd being playing outside in it.

Yesterday was a blast. I learned much about Chinese New Year AND the friend which I have been navigating troubled waters about was there. Surprisingly, I didn't even tense up. It was awkward at first, but ended up relaxed. No, we will never likely be as close or trusting BUT at least I had no panic attacks and it was proven we could be civil if not friendly. For me, it was a big step in the release goal.

Lil'Bug made new friends, we saw friends we hadn't seen since park day, and we just relaxed. It was nice to attend instead of host. All said, our venture out into the snow was well worth it. Oh, did I mention there was a cheese ball? I love cheese balls.

More later.

Thursday, 7 February 2008

11 Inches of Snow

We got 11 inches or so. That was the official total and it matches up with what is cut out on the sidewalk.

We stayed in all yesterday, but today we venture out for a cabin fever busting craft day and Chinese New Year celebration. Year of the Rat, and all. We're meeting up with park day friends that we have not seen since warmer weather.

Last night was rough. I didn't sleep well. The exercises and yoga made me feel, well, normal instead of pregnant and I got very anxious about this. Why? It's my thing- over analyzing. Then I had nightmares about sitting on the baby, the baby being only 2 inches big, ect. Geesh. Silly. I finally got some sleep this morning, but only a couple hours. Dearest stayed home late and ate breakfast with us, reassuring me that the exercises were designed to make me feel more fit and not to worry. :) Ok.

We are going to start back up with swimming next week. This week is just too crazy.

Wednesday, 6 February 2008

Music Bit

Lil'Bug asked to listen to "real" music today, like in Daddy's truck.

?????

She sang some lyrics. KMFDM. "La la la we don't care!" Hmmm. Note to self, talk to Daddy.

I played Gorillaz for her, selecting lyric appropriate songs. Interesting turn, this one's taste in music. :)

I am so relieved to have a break from Kidz Bop and Music Together. She said she is too!

What She Says To Daddy

I found this posted by my husband (re: our Lil'Bug) on a message forum he frequents, it was too funny not to share!

we get similar from lil

lil - "daddy! I need to tell you somethin'!"

me - "yes dear?"

lil- "um, well, actually, mama and I had a tea time today" x repeat a billion.

or

lil - "um, well, actually, starkitty doesn't like peanut butter. one time she ate some and she DIED!"

or my recent favorite -

lil - "Daddy pick me up and let me touch the ceiling!!"

/I pick her up, she touches the ceiling.

Me - "did you like that?"

lil - "It makes me feel like when I eat melons!"

Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Making

Making progress:

I am experiencing quite a bit of anxiety over the Wii purchase. Sure, we made the decision for all the right reasons.....BUT.....

I grew up in a house with video games and violence and heartache.

I banished video games from my home because it was easier than looking at the big picture. Until this week I never explored this in my processing. I have always just said to myself, not in my home. I never related that we all had our coping strategies to deal with our childhood violent and unpredictable household.

My banishment of gaming is no less of a control issue. In reality games are a tool and we have worked hard to create a loving, gentle home. So I released that anxiety. I am also a little sad about the memories I explored today for meaning, but a little sad is way better than freaked out anxiety + 20 anger.

Tea time! Move on, clean cup!


Moving on, we made butter today in the food processor. That's how this place said to. Yeah, no. Next time I will use my mixer. The butter got too thick for the processor at one point; once it clabbered it was fine, but the heavy cream goo stage almost killed my new toy. Also, easier to move the bowl to drain the goo if it is in the mixer bowl AND since you have to use the bowl anyway for the end steps, using the mixer will mean less to clean up. Here's the pic:


We played pirates today. We kidnapped baby dolls and fed them chicken noodle (she doesn't say it noonel anymore...wahhhhhhh!) instead of dog hair stew and booger pie (what I told her pirates fed their captives, he he). Lil'Bug insists that she is a nice pirate. This is her ship and sail:


AND....that's pretty much our day. There was a dinner disaster where I had trouble cutting the roast up and splattered meat blood all over everything and then forgot to add water to the enchilada simmering beef mass (supposed to be strips) and so it is definitely not going to be ready for consumption anytime soon, or possibly just not for dinner tonight. Yup, that's just the domestic goddess that I am.

*edited to add: dinner was saved by some creative thinking on Dearest Husband's part plus a casserole dish. It was yummy, but too savory for my pregnant heartburn prone system. Gah. When did that happen? (Um, the prone to heartburn thing, I mean....)

Wii and Childbirthing

A two for one post.

We decided, with almost the same wording, to get a Wii. While I posted on my blog, Dearest Husband posted almost word for word the same thing on a gaming (RPG) forum the same inquiry. So, it is done. It is ordered. It will be about a month, but a good deal and no line waiting. He ordered the family pack and then we intend to get Endless Ocean too.

Ok, so then.....first childbirth class last night. Wow. Last time we took "Childbirth Express" through the hospital because we thought we knew a bunch already and we were really busy. I think we covered last night, the first of 8 classes, more than the whole class we took last time AND it was basically a meet and greet/ syllabus review. Geesh. We did physical exercise positioning too and I learned that I was doing the tail bone "wagging" thing totally wrong.

Dearest Husband kept me entertained. During the relaxation work we were instructed to work on a calming story that we share for him to retell to me. I looked at him with concern. "We don't have a story," I whispered and then tensed up. He leaned down and whispered in my ear something that I never expected. It was hilarious and I almost screeched with giggles. (Dearest, if you'd like to share, post it in the comments.) I love him. It was probably the only kind thing he could of said to relax me too.

I love the class. We are really getting a lot of information. Funny thing is- it is the only such class in Central Iowa and there are only 5 couples in attendance? How sad is that. I really wish we'd had this available to us last time, not that it would have changed anything but my attitude/guilt post op.

Blogger still is fritzy. Is anyone else having trouble?

Monday, 4 February 2008

Odd Bits

Questions:
My crockpot manual says it has a programmable cooking setting for up to 26 hours. HOURS? What on earth would you need to cook for that long? Shoe leather?

Do you buy that the groundhog said late winter? (says she who is awaiting 6 inches of snow tomorrow afternoon......) Come on, Winter started like 2 months early! Surely that means early Spring, right?

What kinds of things would you suggest to help hand eye motor skills? (Lil'Bug is frustrated she cannot draw the pictures in her head or operate a keyboard mouse with accuracy....is this the excuse we needed to get a Wii? I know, she's only 3, but she's frustrated!)

Photo Challenge 5- Create

I know. Again, with the vague word. Do what you want with it! What it will mean for me this week is to document everything we create: art, food, atmosphere, friendship. I am having trouble this weekend and today with blogger- both the spell check and the photo upload are not working, so my Release photo will be released once I am able!

Busy-ness and Return of The Evil Sniffles

This weekend we had two birthday parties to attend, plus Dear Husband's band practice was moved to Saturday to accommodate Super Bowl Sunday. Oh, and all the times were the same. Gah. I worked out a plan so all could happen and we set to our day. At noon, the first call came in, party #1: birthday child is very sick, party will be rescheduled. Call number 2, birthday party #2: family member died, party rescheduled for Sunday. THEN Dear Husband became really ill and canceled going to band practice. Suddenly our super busy Saturday became a relaxed family day. Lil'Bug, not happy about another day of disappointing cancelations, asks to go to Grampa's house.

We did the kid exchange at the grocery store, took care of the week's shopping and picked up Pirates of the Caribean 2&3. Lovely. Except that Dear Husband was really sick, so I had to load and mostly unload/put away groceries (he did carry them from the truck to the front of the house for me). He said I could blog that because once I typed Johnny Depp pirate movies, no one would remember that he put his pregnant wife on grocery detail in the ice and bitter wind. Perhaps. He was really sick and I am not an invalid, just pregnant. He's still really sick. I get to kick back next to a steaming hot radiator with a nice cup of tea and blog while he had to shovel the walks and go to work across town.

Lil'Bug is sick again. Just when we thought she was over it, the same crud came back, complete with the red face rash and evil snots.

I'm posting the photo challenge right now. Then I'll go make butter.

Friday, 1 February 2008

Yoga, Art, and Friends

We did a lot of art this week. I still need to clean up the chaos, but it was well worth the time we spent together, creating.

This week something clicked. Many moms have been blogging about their young tots needing more attention, structure, activity, ect. This last month has been strained here at Chez Podkayne and I just wrote it off as post holiday burn out.

Hmmmm. I was wrong. Lil'Bug was bored. B O R E D. She needed to level up. How do I know this? She picked out Magic Tree House books and wanted me to read them to her. Now, instead of reading time lasting 3 minutes and then exploding in mutual frustration, she begs me to read more and more and more. She asks questions. She imagines her self in the story and makes new story lines. She tries to say the "big" words when we encounter them like sarcophagus. At the museum, she asked more advanced questions too. Board games have finally clicked with her as have computer games.

Another brain spurt indeed. Once I figured this out and engaged her, started strewing "better stuff" (her words), then the tantrums and grumps dissolved.

Then there's yoga. I've never done yoga before but my midwife suggested it as a low impact exercise and stress reducer. So I bought a DVD and started by just watching it. The next day, I followed along for the warm ups and then was pooped. The next day, Dearest Husband bought me a rug because most of it is floor work and my hardwood floors are frigid. I could then do about 25 minutes and then for the rest of the video I repeated the stretches.

My hands, for the first time in a long time, were not vampire cold. I felt warm all over. Circulation improvement indeed. Then I slept better than I have in a long time.

Still, I didn't realize how out of shape I was. My thoughts on exercise have always been away from "meaningless" machine workouts and more toward house work and outdoor play- like Karate Kid- wax on, wax off. Up and down the ladder, up and down the stairs. Go go go. But this yoga stuff is different. 1) It addresses stress and... 2) circulation 3) strength is built from poses not weights.

It feels right.

Also, many of the poses are exactly what the Bradley exercises are. I can barely do them, so it is good I have a foundation and guide to work from.

Then, the update on the play date on Thursday. I think it went well. Her daughter and mine played awesome together. We caught up. She made the tastiest blueberry banana bread. I was not stressed out before like I thought I might be, but a little bit after. Over analyzing everything, worried I'd said the wrong thing, etc. but that passed quickly. All is well.

Friday did not go as smoothly as I'd planned. We were supposed to go snowshoeing at 10am. Fine, I leave for all events like this about an hour early. We suited up, packed out bags and then I told Lil'Bug to find her boots.

Yup. No boots. Left in Daddy's truck the night before with her gloves. It's 30 degrees out and we are not going on an outdoor nature hike without proper raiments and footwear. So we headed out to the suburb where Daddy works and by the time we had acquired the missing gloves and boots, we were too late for the class about 30 minutes away.

Lil'Bug was devastated.

We headed out to the mall and the play place to try and find something closer for her to do. She was still sad and angry but felt better after a huge fruit smoothie. She hung out at the book store for a while too. Somewhere in there my throat became red, itchy, and inflamed and, well, I became nauseous and all that goes with that. We stopped by and visited Grampa before heading home, but by the time we got home I was out and out sick. Good thing we didn't do the winter hike!

Wow. Long post. Whew. Now I feel caught up!

Best Toy Ever....aka the cardboard box

Couple things. I know that it is a universal truth and all but......a cardboard box is the BEST TOY EVER. Lil'Bug's eyes lit up and she went to town, barely stopping to eat dinner. She eventually asked for duct tape and modifications (ie, taped secure with door cut out) AND she asked this of Daddy and not Mama, bah.

She imagined it was a house.

She imagined it was a car.

She went to outer space and visited the moon and Mars.

She packed her lunch. Chicken meat and milk and faerie sugar. The cow is a convienient container for milk, she explained that it stays fresh. LOL.

Then she decided I must be hungry too, so she raided the fridge for apples and pig meat (ham). Future farmer, that one.

She is too funny. She asked me to take her picture so she's always remember her friend box.

Ah, childhood.

The box is completely mangled by play now. Duct tape just will not save the day. I will be sad when it goes out on Monday to the great beyond of trash day.



Best toy ever for Mama? Ya, what came in the box. A 12 cup food processor, with a three cup insert for small stuff. Hello pizza night. Hello homemade butter. Pumpkin Soup puree? IN ONE BATCH! Wouldn't think 4 cups difference would make such a difference but it most assuredly does.

Memes coming out of my ears.......

I've been tagged for three (three times, though) separate memes. No joke. Here they are!

Laura at LifeDreamed and HK at MiniMemoirs:

(1) Link to the person that tagged you.

(2) Post the rules on your blog.

(3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

(4) Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

(5) Let each random person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their site.

1) I hate going to the dentist but not for normal reasons: the hygenist creeps me out every time by asking me questions about my husband. Like shoe and shirt size. Maybe it's just me, but I think that is weird.
2) I like to eat my amazing raspberry jam on ciabatta rolls- with pastrami. Yes, I know what pastrami is and no, it's not a pregnancy thing. I like fruit with meat.
3) I had purple hair when I married my husband. As soon as it is safe to (as in dyes harm babies in utero) I will again have purple hair. I mean, I teach online now!
4) I once had a nose ring, but I had to let the hole close because of an infection caused by almost frostbite. I still harbor resentment because I was driving home a drunk kid in his car in a blizzard and his stupid car (and the blizzard) had no heat or windows. I did the noble thing and was almost disfigured. Bah. Scar tissue makes it so it can't be redone. Again, bah. Also, exposed piercings in Iowa winters should switch to plastic studs, for those of you tempted.
5) I still own the brass unicorn I got for my 6th birthday. I also still remember the basic script of every fantasy I had of it being a magical item that would whisk me away to be a princess in a safe kingdom.
6) I don't sort spoons and forks. I had custom inserts put into my drawers for the sorting and yet I don't, I just pile them in. If you visit me, you can gaze upon the awesomeness of my organization skills if you need a spoon.... BUT they all match and so do my dishes (each other, that is).

I tag
and.......

Needleroozer: who tagged me for this one.......

1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the next three sentences.

5. Tag five people.

Everything's An Argument with Readings, 4th edition. My Comp II textbook. Not very interesting to read, but I'm grading papers all this week and it was the closest book to me.

Different universities have resolved similar conflicts in different ways. Some have enacted coded to protect their communities from forms of speech that are deemed to be insensitive to the feelings of other groups. Some have refused to impose such restrictions.

From an essay by Derek Bok about hate speech and vandalism at Harvard in 1991.

I tag Life dreamed, Mini Memoirs, MamaB, Wheelchair Mama, and Zamozo.

*Edited to add: Seriously, a meme I missed. Geeze. :)


Here are the rules:
1. You must post the rules before you give your answers.
2. List one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name).
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and that they need to read your blog for details).

I've done this one before, but things change, so here goes.
  • T: Talkative. I need to work on being a better listener.
  • H: Happy. Very happy. Thus far, the whole release thing is working for me in ways beyond what I expected. It takes quite a bit of work to let the angry eyebrows flutter away.
  • E: Expecting. Ha. That was easy.
  • R: Reader. I love to read. I get intensly wrapped up in a book until I finish it.
  • E: Eats everything. I am so hungry all the time now, even after I have eaten.
  • S: Sore throat. All this week. Does not go well with talkative. Perhaps it will help me be a better listener?
  • A: Still an APPLE lover. Yum.

Thursday, 31 January 2008

More to come.....

.....We've been really busy the last two days: play dates, packages, field trips, card board boxes....so we have lots of pictures coming. I'm just really tired so I will post it all in the morning!

The Other Blogs I Love

The problem I have with awards is who gets left out....I can only award 10? So last night I lay awake thinking about how I feel when I get left out (rotten) and what I could do about the whole thing.

So part of my reasoning was that hopefully, the chain of awards would spread in a predictable way and certain of my awesome local friends would get the award that way. But then I also have a rule that I have to have been reading a blog for a while to give it an award; this is in case I pop in one day and the usual recipe or craft is replaced with a hateful rant about gays or Catholics or the like (real life example). I'll not be one to direct someone to that with a link, no no. Also, the times it happened to me I was so surprised.

That said, there were others that I just plain forgot about when making up the list. I'd like to take you on a tour now. They are mostly my favorite artist and farmer blogs, some local, some really far away:

Laura at CenterDownHome: If I had a home like hers, I'd never leave either. She's living my dream. She's and artist and an unschooler and had amazing music on her blog. Sometimes, I open it up to listen as background. :) She inspires me with her beautiful writing. She found me first I think, through the blog ring, but I am so glad she did!

Abby at SugarCreek: Yay for Abby and her CSA! She's an awesome musician too. She's just had a baby boy to add to her brood and I am so glad all went well for her this pregnancy. I've met her twice, both on really of days where I was not feeling very social or talkative and that is something I regret. We share many of the same thoughts on food and the like. We've emailed a bunch, but really it's not the same!

Pile of Omelays: Again, living my dream. Awesome music. Really helpful hints about homesteading.

Wheelchairmama: How could I have forgotten her? A. I have jam for you! She's an awesome mom and friend. Right now, one of the few people who calls me and I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. (That's another post all together, my phone aversion.)

Amy at the FOIL HAT: If you've never used her soap.....oh my. I tried to spread the love at the holidays. But aside from her awesome soap- she is freakin' hilarious. No really. She could have a sitcom and I might actually watch TV.

You know what? I really liked sharing these. I think it will become a regular thing here. Any recommendations?

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Monday on a Tuesday

After I posted yesterday, we headed to an OB appointment. Everything is well and good. The report came back on the fibroid, it is small, has grown but not significantly. The docs don't think it will interfere in the VBAC. I am so thrilled at the medical support I am getting for my choice to VBAC! I got the ok for the Yoga I want to do and asked questions about the Bradley exercises that I am confused about.

Oh, and about that- We have decided to take the Bradley classes and there is absolutely no problem with that. They think it is great and recommended the local teacher. With the rumors circulating locally, it was a relief to hear that.

Baby's heart rate is 150/min. My weight gain is perfect, as is my BP.

So then we headed downtown to the historical museum. That was fun. It had been a while since Lil'Bug and I went someplace new without an entourage of other homeschoolers. While that has value, so does walking slowly through exhibits with one on one attention from each other. There is a new exhibit that is 100+ year old nature and animal dioramas. I'd seen them in the basement archival storage when I worked at the museum, spent lunch times walking around down there with the curator, but it was all new to Lil'Bug and she was really engaged. They have preserved owlets and fox cubs and all sorts of birds that we would likely never see up close. We walked through the trash and recycling exhibit and talked about waste too. All in all, just 45 minutes, but it was lovely.

Then we went home and made Chicken "Noonel" soup. Shortly after we popped in a movie and settled in. My headache was only getting worse and ice packs were no help. Lil'Bug got up and headed to the kitchen. That usually means trouble, but when I finally got up to go after her I found her with all her paint stuff set up and ready to go. "Mama, I was waiting for you to pour the paints!" Indeed she was, very patiently. I got down my paints and canvas and we painted for about an hour. We talked and sipped tea and painted self portraits on our canvases. It didn't make my headache go away, but I was really feeling connected to the small one.

So, then we did NOT clean up and instead grabbed a bucket of strawberries and headed back to the TV room to watch Arthur and snuggle. Soon, Dearest Husband came home- he had a headache too. We made dinner together and played as a family. Soon, I thought it was bedtime and Lil'Bug and I settled in. I fell asleep, tornado tot headed back downstairs to play with Daddy for another few hours.

I woke up at midnight and my headache was gone. All was quiet and sleepy and a thunderstorm was rumbling. The pressure had been released, I went back to sleep.

Monday, 28 January 2008

Stormy Skies


The temperature right now is 49 degrees (F) and the snow is slushy and melting. I have a headache, possibly from the barometric pressure, possibly from stress. I had terrible dreams last night and woke up way too early and anxious. It is the anniversary of the Challenger explosion and my father's (who I haven't seen in almost 4 years) 58th birthday.

This weekend I had an opportunity to practice my revolution: Release. An email popped up in my inbox, a reply to an email I sent to a friend in June of 2006. I had just finished my thesis, changed jobs to stay at home with Lil'Bug and the diploma for my Masters had arrived in the mail. With that relief, I jotted out a quick email to the close friends that I had become distant from that Spring. Only one ever responded and I was heartbroken, left wondering why. Time marched on, I slowly made friends and found things to occupy my time but I was still sad and sometimes angry about the loss.

Guess what? Yahoo had put my email in spam/junk folders and the recipients had never received them. Huh.

So I have all this built up heartbreak I've been holding on to all because of technology? (Ok, my aversion to using the telephone is another blog altogether....) Back to the email on Sunday.....she found my email while changing accounts and sent me an invitation to be friends again, even a play date this week. I cried. Geeze, I'm crying now*. It wasn't a purposeful ending of friendship, it was a glitch. So I released all the hurt I'd been feeling. Bye bye. (Sob, sniffle, whoo hoo!...) *Fine, pregnancy induced crying. Perhaps I am making big deal out of small gesture? Whatever. Whoo Hoo!

I have felt so disconnected and angry and sad for so long about so many things in my life. How many of them should I let go of? What if it hadn't been a mistake? What if I'd just tried harder (ie picked up the phone and dialed) instead of the self pity crap? Release. I need to let go of the questioning I torture myself with and just freaking relax. Enjoy what is to come. Embrace it fully without hesitation or sullen regrets.

Several times in my life I had passionate dreams that were derailed by outside forces or my own learning and discovery. Today reminds me of that. I gave up too easily. I fight hard until I don't and then I just regret. Sometimes I succeed, I do have a Masters and a child to prove that. :) That's just it. Why not explore those interests I gave up on so early? Photography, astronomy, ornithology, poetry, training to be a paramedic......I can still do all of these things and on my own time for my own pleasure. I can rekindle lost friendships. I can foster and nurture new ones without hesitation.

I can heal.

Sunday, 27 January 2008

Photo Challenge 4- Release

The word for this week: Release

That's my revolution word for the year as well. My focus for meditation and relaxation. I am challenging my self to find the visual for this word, both noun and verb.

Later this week I am going to set up a sidebar with those who have participated so far! Feel free to jump in if you haven't.

Evil Sniffles, Fish Juice, and Car Safety

The evil sniffles have almost left my tiny daughter's body, we'll see what happens (resurgence?) after she gets home this afternoon from a trip, her first, to Chuck E. Cheese with her grandparents. I am not a germaphobe BUT our local Cheese leaves much to be desired AND Lil'Bug does not do well around animatronic characters (ei nightmares for weeks/months about "Dr. Faucet" and "Her Grossness" from the Grossology exhibit at the Science Center.....) so we will see how she does- rather we will hear about it when she gets home.

*UPDATE: She didn't go the Cheese! MIL took my concerns seriously and postponed the trip. :)

Fish Juice. What else would you call it? Last night while shopping
Lil'Bug grabbed a Tropicana Omega 3 juice carton and put it in our cart. My curiosity led me to pick it up and read the ingredients (how did they add O-3 to juice? for that matter how do they get it into eggs? it's a fish product.....). Um. Yeah, in case you did not visit the link or missed the little print:

Ingredients: 100% pure pasturized orange juice and MEG-3* (fish oil and fish gelatin). *Ingredient not found in regular orange juice: contains tilapia, sardine, and anchovy.

If you click on the
tilapia link, you'll see a detailed informational site that pretty much explains why I don't eat tilapia anymore. I am on a quest to get the Omega-3 in my diet more but I have to draw the line at adding such to my orange juice. Perhaps it is just a thing I do, reading labels and understanding them. Anchovies/Sardines in my salad dressing, I can live with- but what's next?

Ok, then there's the funny thing: Lil'Bug asked me to strap Purple Baby into a car seat, but we had groceries on the seat so she asked if I could strap her in with me. Sure. What I didn't realize was that I did. The doll was buckled resting right on my gravid belly and I didn't notice until we got home. It was a good laugh for all. At least my fuzzy brain defaults to caring for and the safety of small humanoid things.

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Totally Awesome



Wow. I feel all warm and cozy. Evie at The Road Less Traveled gave me this award! Now to pass it on......harder since many, many of my favorite bloggers have already received this award and I'm not supposed to duplicate. I've been mulling over how to do this for days now. Do I just post my blogroll? No, too lazy. Agh. I know I will leave someone wonderful out, but I'll do my best!

Mama B. at My Little Soap Box: in real life and in blogdom she inspires me to think and to homeschool in ways I had not thought of on my own. In my unschooly world, she is a well trained mind.

Needleroozer at Turtleworks: An artist. She inspired me to get creative again, and despite my puttering, keeps me at it. Until I get the box off the counter and in the mail to her (I will, maybe when it's not so cold!) I hope this award shows my appreciation!

Evie's Incredible Shrinking Whimsigal: Oh, the food. Yum. You all should try her mushroom soup. Also, I could never fry an egg before. I know. Weird.

Laura at LifeDreamed: Another local friend and unschooler of a little. Honestly, her friendship came at a time when I really needed it. Our kids adore each other, despite the age gap. Also, yay!, she's due in August! We'll have summer babies together (I'm in June).

Anna Kiss at
sugar boot and weasel: She's a poet too. I'm getting back into my groove and writing poetry- one a day in February. I totally bombed at NaNoWriMo. I didn't even get started. This I can do! Oh, and she's in Ohio. My hope is that I'll get to meet her when we move there.

Montucky Rox at South of the Bridgers: She posts rarely, but when she does it is usually something I need to reflect on at that very point in my journey. She's actual family, a precious and rare commodity. She has helped me through some pretty tough times and transitions AND she unschooled her young ones before life had other plans for her. I never knew that before this summer and it certainly made our connection feel deeper.

Kip at 24 piece set: Rox's middle one in NE, my second cousin. I recently found his blog and reconnected through that. The Internet is so cool! So is Kip's art, BTW.

Sarah at The View From Here: She is very conservative and religious. Sometimes I need to connect with that too. She also is a wealth of knowledge (and products) on natural parenting and that's awesome too. She's had a tough year, full of loss and hurting. A constant reminder to me to be more gentle with people, as we don't know what they are going through. Despite everything, she has still inspired many and continues to do so.

Christine at Welcome to My Brain: The pastor's wife. She cracks me up. She's sexy and nurturing and a whole lot of other stuff too. She has an awesome weekly Magic Milk o'the Week picture series- a major thing in breastfeeding advocacy. She's also got a crazy beautiful family and is about to add more to her brood. All that and she homeschools too!

KMDuff at Stuff About The Duffs: She's just like the rest of us, working towards gentleness, unschooling, raising kids, AND she writes about it too. She's in a warm locale- I often visit her blogs and think about flip flops in February. I've never worn flip flops in my life (web toe power and all). Mostly I love getting ideas from her. Her kids are much like Lil'Bug in interests.

I know. I left off the list some really great blogs- but the rules say only ten!

Better Butter

Eating and what we eat is a hot topic in our house. I won't go as far to say that we are foodies but Dearest Husband and I have in common the hatred of plastic food. I don't mean that the food is actually plastic, but that it is messed with. Low-fat, fat free, sugar free, cornified, modified, processed....fake. Also, don't kid yourself, processed food has an acceptable level of rodent feces and insect waste. Sorry to put that out there, but who really knows what's in Twinkies? The FDA- they set the levels. (shudder) Not to mention the chemicals used in preserving food for shelf life.

What got me thinking about this today was a conversation I had with one of my favorite aunts: she has struggled with her weight and blood sugar for as long as I can remember. She's going to try Weight Watchers but doesn't have time for the meetings. My understanding is that it's all about portion control. This is good, but misses something in order to sell their product. That missing element is food quality. It is still processed convenience food that disconnects the eater from the food ingested. There is no personal accountability for the ingredients (AND doesn't support local economies). I think that the connection is a vital ingredient to a healthier lifestyle.

Anyway, we like whole foods. We found that by using whole milk, butter, farm fresh eggs, and the like that we eat smaller portions and are more satisfied by the meal.

There are a couple things to note about this. Smaller portions means less food, means less purchased. We also buy our meat directly from farms so our overall yearly meat bill is about $1,200. That's right. $100 a month AND we are eating Black Angus steaks, roasts, and burgers AND holiday hams, Iowa chops, and pork roasts, etc. Oh and the bacon! Divine. We grow a lot of tomatoes and peppers so that helps too. We spend more than average on milk and dairy because I insist on hormone free products. (When we have our own cow, I expect the initial cost to be the same since we'll have care and feeding costs of an animal. Maybe not? Maybe just to begin with?) Our monthly grocery bill is averaging $400 (including the meat, but also non-food items like shampoo, cleaning products, paper, etc). That's pretty good (I think) for as well as we eat.

Last month I tried real from the farm organic hormone free butter. Sounds fancy and was a luxury purchase. I admit that I didn't expect it to taste much different, after all butter is butter- right? Oh......my.....was I wrong. It is luscious, just enough salty, and melted dreamily. I ate it on toast but now I must set out to make those hot crusty rolls this week. It is prioritized!

Back to what I was saying. Food matters. It is the fuel we run on, mind and body. We don't spend more just because we are picky because the other costs balance it out.

We eat well, we spend less, and our doctors say we are pretty darn healthy (which also means we visit them less and save medical expenses). Can't beat that.

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

No Pictures, "Mama I don't feel good...."

LilBug has rubbed her nose and most of her face raw wiping away dripping snot. If I pin her down I can wipe Foil Hat Shea Butter on her cheeks to soothe the redness and help repel the snot from crusting, but she hates having gooey snot like stuff wiped on to her face. Her words, not mine. I happen to think the Shea Butter is divine and Amy should be crowned the queen of Shea Butter for making me Chai scented Butter for my pregnant belly.

With not much work to do and a kid who just wanted to alternantly hibernate or play farm in her room without me, I tried to play with my camera. This only made her cry. "No pictures, please mama," heartbreaking it was. So we mopped snow mud tracks off the floor and drank lots of tea and then I actually got to sit down and read a book (until I got up for more tea and came back- the book was gone. Tot says she knows nothing. Hmph.).

So Lil'Bug is still feverish off and on, her face is raw, and all she wants to eat are cookies. That's the update!

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

My Goodness, IS It Only Tuesday?

You'd think that with Dearest Husband home yesterday that today would feel like a Monday- but it didn't. It feels like a Thursday that is at an end. Weekend in sight. I have all my classes graded, caught up on email, laundry, and dishes, tended a sick babe all day AND cooked a new recipe (scalloped potatoes from a CI book).

Now, my back aches and my feet are tingly so I am putting my feet up and messing around on the computer. Tot is in the bath, soon to be in bed, and I am likely up for the night as she wakes every 20 minutes asking for a drink or a hug because she doesn't feel good. Just. Like. Last. Night. I'm ready for it. Water is stationed, hugs are at full capacity. Germs, get ready for a fight.

Oh, and it snowed another 2 inches. Someone (not me) will have to shovel our 35'+75'+135'+10' of sidewalk soon or the City will fine us. This snow makes for a lot of work when you live on a corner lot! The upside is that snow is insulating so we are warmer inside.
Last week we went on a field trip to the Neal Smith Prairie Refuge. I love this museum and I love the vast prairie restoration that surrounds it. Lil'Bug became really upset in the seed lab and refused to stay in that room, opted to stand outside the door and watch her friends while they built seed throwers. She was very patient about waiting, but her aversion to the lab room was very odd. But then she had a blast! I could barely keep up. (Also, I played with the action settings on my camera...)

We also went to a rockin' awesome birthday party for one of Lil'Bug's favorite friends. K. is 5! Such a little gentleman too. Lil'Bug adores him. So much that she talked her Nana into getting her dressed up in party clothes and dress shoes so K. would think she's adorable. THAT was adorable! (Yes, he did in fact compliment her on her outfit! She grinned so big that she looked like a muppet!)
Update on the baby: I feel great. Hungry all the time, but still watching food for protein and nutrients- no junk, no caffeine. She kicks me all the time and I know where her head and feet are. I look more like 7 months instead of 20 weeks- or so EVERY stranger informs me. Or they tell me I am having twins- which I'm not (verified by the THREE ultrasounds we have had already. One. She's a girl). Also, the ultrasounds found a fibroid. It is tiny, but reason enough to continue monitoring. Fibroids caused complication with Lil'Bug's birth and led to the C-Section. Anyway, here's my first attempt at a mirror assisted belly photo at the museum. Unfortunately the mirror was less than ideal!

Reflections a bit

I had an itch to review my first three blog posts ever. Wow was that a trip. Funny thing is at the end of the third one I was craving the decaf hazelnut tea gifted to me by my dear friend Mama B.- and so it is this morning as well. I've been hiding a bit of hazelnut chocolate to devour with it. This morning will have to do. Lil'Bug is feverish and cranky and nested in on the couch watching PBS. Next up is a DVD of Bambi and maybe Muppet's Treasure Island.

We had an incredibly busy weekend. I'm still processing all that we did: field trip, birthday party, trip to Grandma's, actual in person work for the local college that employs me.....I'll write more later.

Monday, 21 January 2008

Delight

Sunday, 20 January 2008

Raspberry Jam

Sunshine. These raspberries are made from pure sunshine and they taste like it too. This is warmth. In the late summer (our Spring crop was killed by an end of May frost) Lil'Bug and I would head out in the morning and eat breakfast right off the canes. Mmmmmm. Through the harvest season, I gathered about 1 cup every 4-5 days. I froze them as I went, hoping to accumulate enough to make jam eventually. I got about 7 cups total.

When we make it into jam it is like bubbling, boiling lava. I leave it with the seeds. Since we didn't get as much this last summer, we are canning most of it in smaller jars.

It is dangerous for Lil'Bug to help with the boiling and canning, but she helps with the prep work and labeling and keeps me company while watching the hot process. She gathered the tools, mashed the berries, and nibbled.

It is a 1/1 ratio of berry to sugar, boiled until the right consistency. Then hot poured into prepared glass jars. This year we actually have a pressure canner (didn't use it), but last year we just stored in the fridge and they kept as long as they lasted (about 6 months). One thing I learned last year was that the pot to boil the berries should be much larger than you think you need because the berries double in volume once they start boiling and then the sugar gets added. I also learned to stir constantly or the bottom will scorch. Luckily there is nothing more heavenly and warming than standing over a pot of boiling raspberry jam. Mmmmmm.

We are finally getting this done today because I need jam for the cupcakes! Um, yes, for FIL's birthday that was two weeks ago? We'll get it done. Better late than never.

I do wish there had been enough to put some away for the State Fair. My jam is truly awesome. I know I'd win! :) So much for modestly, I'm still a buzz from all the spoon licking goodness.
*edited to add: It is my Dearest Husband who first suggested this..... though I can't take much credit for the product- it really is the berries that do the work.

When we finished up, we had 12 little jars and 2 big ones (2 cup jars). I toasted a whole wheat ciabatta roll and slathered it with local dairy fresh cream butter THEN I scraped all the jam I could from the pot, the scoop, and the spoons and piled it on. Crazy delicious.

Yup. I took a bite BEFORE I got the camera. It was too good not to. When I put Lil'Bug in jammies I found she had jam behind her ears. I have no idea how it got there.

Pregnancy Salad

Spinach greens (more or less about a cup full chopped)
Dried cranberries and or cherries
Parmesan cheese (shredded not grated) 1/4 cup
Whole wheat seasoned croutons 1/8 cup
Bite sized fresh apple chunks 1/4 cup
Meat of choice (Bacon, chicken, ham, leftover pork chop...all work pretty good) 1/4 cup
Caesar dressing (the kind made with anchovy oil, oh, and thank you to BIL (Uncle J.) for pointing out the ingredient!)

Serves 2 as meal (or hungry me and little tot). I came up with this as a way to meet the pregnancy diet requirements of spinach greens and fish (anchovies are ok, but kinda yucky- unless it is in salad dressing!) AND then to meet my craving for cranberries and apples. With this meal I knock out a bunch of the requirements all at once. Oh, and it is pretty yummy too. I can play with the ingredients for variety and what is on hand as long as I keep the dressing and the spinach. Also, I accidentally got Arugula greens instead of spinach last week and learned that THEY ARE NOT THE SAME!!!! Yuck.

Lil'Bug loves it. She asked to try it with out the "fish goo" dressing and now asks to have it for lunch too. That is wonderful since I hated making separate meals and I really like sharing with her yummy healthy food. Good example and all that. I figured she would pick out the bits she likes and leave the spinach, but she eats it all! Whoo hoo!

Photo Challenge 3- Delight!

Delight is the word for the week. It has been dancing in my head since last week. Learning driven by delight, the look of delight on Lil'Bug's face when something is her "favorite!"

Connection

My entry. Pretty simple and not what I was looking for all week, but it has layers. Lil'Bug is playing with magnetic bug parts to build a mega bug. She knew all the different parts, both the bug they come from and the part of the bug body. There were other kids and they would all trade parts based on need and design. She was very intent.

On the sidelines, there was me. I was feeling anything but connected that day until a friend called and invited us to go to the Science Center. I connected with her in a long emotional talk that left me feeling very relieved about many things. I really enjoy her company. It also helps sometimes to talk things out that are stirring inside. Usually when asked about a certain topic, I make vague statements and change the subject, but that particular day I just said what happened. Just plain and simple and straight, I finally felt like I could. (Now here I am being vague, ironic). It was a huge relief to do so and it was like standing up for myself. Instead of pulling away from the community, I felt plugged in and respected for my choice. Part of the give and take. Connected.

Friday, 18 January 2008

Happiness

I was blog hopping last night and visited CenterDownHome. She has this amazing post about happiness; she uses the analogy of panning for gold.

First, this triggered many memories for me of growing up in Colorado. My extended family would go camping in Yampa Valley and we would spend hours panning for gold bits. Sometimes we would find some, sometimes we would find other things. We once went to Ruby Mountain and mined for garnets and I still have the tin full of stones that I found. It can be tedious work to find treasure in the dust and mud, but the gems are still there.

That's just it, what she was saying. You can focus on the sun beating down or how thick the silt is OR you can slowly and surely find the little treasures and keep them forever. Having the gift of storytelling helps, the gift of words and the love of language used to express this everyday.

I blogged to find community, to document a "portfolio" of our learning, to share with relatives our daily adventures BUT I plan on downloading the blogs in journal form and having them printed out. If anything were to happen to us, our children would have a record of my thoughts, and a photo journal of how our family lived- how much we love them and each other.

Which brings me to my thoughts on the post that got this started: We are incredibly happy. How can this be when, even now, past hurts and abusers can haunt me, when my extended family is broken or far away, and when I hesitate in friendship. Because I don't focus on those, I accept my part, my choices and live my life. We do what we think is best for our family, actively. We parent, actively. I teach, actively. I don't passively let the silt and mud flow by, I grab a pan and sift. I rejoice at the glittering bits and the solid rock. We dance in the sludge like muddy hippos. At some point you let the mud fall back into the river and take another scoop.

Even the tragedies and traumas in my life served purpose. Often these things got me on a different track, opened something in me that had shut tight, or simply wiped the slate clean. Early in our marriage a car accident ended the only time we ever said the word divorce. We'd been married 3 years, the house was falling apart as were our finances- we were arguing in the car when a guy, tired from work, ran a red light. T-boned us and then we hit a concrete barrier. What ensued left us emotionally raw and we looked to each other for support- what we had needed to do all along with everything. And so we have. It by far was not the most traumatic thing I've ever been through, but it was an important one.

Everyone has an interesting life, it is finding the words to make it a story that transforms the ordinary. Those words are often simple, not extravagant. They are the everyday details that draw you in, explain the world and how we live. They are sensory. You have to open yourself up to the world and your own humanness to experience the whole picture. When my students get stuck, I often tell them to sit down and write 5 paragraphs about the same moment. Each one set from the experience of their different senses: sounds, smells/tastes, touch, then sight- then the emotional feelings or atmosphere. Really experience the moment or memory fully.

What if you were to do that everyday? Eventually you would have a record of your life like none other. I've read diaries that only document the daily weather, some that are merely a collection of the weather forecast from the daily newspaper. Even that speaks volumes to the person's life. What we are doing with blogs is often just that, a documentation of the ordinary turned into something special.

Thank you Laura way out east for your wise words. :)

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

Good Thing Too

It was a good thing we did a little day. Around 4pm, Lil'Bug asked me to read to her about Owls and then she fell asleep. Slept until about 8pm, woke up with a fever. Then she was up at full speed until midnight. Today, all better. AND she's back to her normal self, no fits, odd bouts of crying, or unreasonable stuff. Though, she's picked up a few choice words (frickin', OMG, and darn it all- oh, yes, mama is an expert potty mouth as you can tell) from her week as a terror tot- thanks to Mama and Daddy's frustration no doubt.

The snow has started in earnest, just as the weather people said it would. I tend to not trust them. Three days ago they said, "No significant snowfall, less than one inch." Last night, "3-5 inches over Wednesday night...." AND now, "5-8 inches!" Hmph. We will see.

I have company coming at two so I must finish packing up the Christmas acouterments and vacuum like a mad woman! I'm off!

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

Little Day

We are having a "little day" (opposite of big day) here. This means staying at home, no friends over, tidying up a bit, cuddling a lot, cheesy lunch, and lots and lots of books.

I am slowly plodding through my online course set up. The book editions changed AND my student reviews pointed out some areas that I knew needed tweaking- couple that with a new version of the software and all I get is the gut feeling that taking it slow will benefit all in the long run.

Agh. Typing this allowed me to burn the cheesy goodness that WAS lunch. More later.

Monday, 14 January 2008

I did it. I gave in.

I bought the Gap jeans.

Why? Because I went 4 sizes up and NOTHING was comfortable. These jeans should last the rest of the pregnancy (full belly panel, but folds down) and after if I get sliced up in the belly. Everything I owned seemed to cut off circulation except the one summer dress (that's it in the picture) and goodness knows I can't wear that in the winter in Iowa unless I crank our heat up to 80 and then we'd spend so much on heat bills that I could buy like 200 pairs of Gap jeans for the same money spent. Also, I would never leave the house. Cute dress, but, yeah, no.

So I headed out to the mall with Lil'Bug. The ladies at the store were super nice. Especially when I discovered that I am 4 sizes bigger. They reassured me that the cut is different in the style I was trying on. Sure. Whatever. Baby=big butt. It is a fact. Aunt Bee went with me and we had a splendid time. No playplace incidents, no melt downs, lovely cheesecake and tea. Good times. Thank you, Aunt Bee.

Despite all that, today I feel normal and not bloated and not grubby and not inhuman. Gravid, yes. I have a big day ahead. The last of the online students will be loaded in the system which means I have to get busy finishing up the assignments for the year. I have to take my car back in because the service light is on. It is library and IHE meeting day (Yay!). I am making Chicken Milanese for dinner.....yum.

Sunday, 13 January 2008

Photo Challenge, Word 2 Connection

Word for the week: Connection

What connects you to the world? To your family? To your self? Play with this word and all its possible literal and figurative meanings.

For me it is a reminder of the here and now.

This photo is not my entry, but from the archive. I was teaching Lil'Bug how to test raspberries for readiness of picking last June.

Friday, 11 January 2008

Falcon Release

We went to an event today that was the release of a rehabilitated peregrine falcon back into the wild. Amazing bird. I messed up the flight shots, new camera and all, but here is the photo of the handler showing the bird.

I found about about this yesterday and was happy to share it with our local homeschool group. Ornithology is one of my interests that carried over from my farm days. I used to be in charge of the chickens. So, I trained them to do tricks. :) Now I share my home with two parrots and would love to volunteer at one of the rescues for falcons and owls.

We are so blessed to be able to follow our passions and help our children find their own.

Warmth, our year in review.....





Wednesday, 9 January 2008

Birth and Doulas and Centering

I love the idea of Doulas. I now have two that will be attending June Bug's birth. The idea of having dedicated care providers that are my employees, that's only part of it. I also long for the idea of being surrounded by friends and family for the blessed event, but that may not be possible if things go awry. During C-Section prep last time only the Doula could stay with me and I was glad to have someone I knew holding my hand. Things got crazy. I am glad to have the small comforts.

Birth is a complicated issue for me. At times I am full of anxiety and mistrust and at others I feel fully empowered to complete the cycle. Things did not go as I planned with Lil'Bug, complications made things scary. This time, feels different. I feel different about many things, more confident and more knowledgeable, but there is still the unknown waiting out there. I read in a kids adventure book recently- one character said to another, "If you feel confident, it is merely because there is something you don't know. Fear can save your life." Or something like that.

So I ordered more books, looked into classes again. I sat down and thought about it. I talked with Dearest Husband. It is too early to stress out about what we don't know will happen.

I am doing better with the de-stress meditation, I bought a lovely pendant today to work as a worry stone, it is Carnelina and Imperial Jasper in a pumpkin orange with a purple vein. My favorite colour combination. It was handmade by a dear friend, that makes it even more special.Will a small pretty make a big difference? Maybe. With Lil'Bug I had a pendant I wore through pregnancy of opal and amethyst and I will give it to her on her 18th birthday. I wanted the same small token to give June Bug. It is very pretty and feels perfect on my neck.