Monday 1 February 2010

School

I think sometimes that as a homeschooling mama I forget the good things about public school. There are good things, not everyone can stay home with their kids and educate them, some families feel the need to have dual incomes. Not every family feels they are capable of home education, even though they probably are. Some families are abusive and the kids are better off away from them all day. There are plenty of needs that families have that are met by an education system that is collective and not run by parents.

I have met so many awful people who are teachers though. Horrible people, people who are mean to kids, people who hurt children, people who are control freaks and lash out at those minors under their care. Not to mention the absurdity of textbook data and group field trips where children are herded like cattle through things that might interest them.

And yet, many of the awesome moms I know were once elementary school teachers. A person in church cried last week because they were worried about their students and making a difference in their lives, genuinely moved because of their dedication to those children. My own life was touched in many positive ways by the good teachers I have had over the years and by the refuge from an abusive situation at home. Public school is not evil, though it may be flawed and corrupt in design, the people teaching are called to the profession and most love the children in their care.

As my thoughts were meandering a bit this morning, my heart settled on a particular problem I am having. There are social circles that I encounter parents who think homeschooling is a terrible injustice to my children, that homeschoolers are weird and their kids will be freaks, and some that think our decision is poorly thought out. This frustrates me. I don't immediately jump to those conclusions about public schooled families. Is every kid in PS a social butterfly with grace and wit? No. I certainly wasn't. Are there weird and quirky kids who get picked on and don't fit in? You bet. So all those worries about socialization? Yeah. Public school doesn't fix that and homeschooling doesn't cause that. I could cite academic statistics up and down the wall about achievement and success. It doesn't matter though.

What does matter is how my children and I are best suited for our educational choices and if someone decides to be snooty about it or demeaning it is on their heart and their issue not mine. Someday they might turn to me in need and I am not going to close doors to people just because of their ignorance. A fine example of this would be the grace extended to me years ago. I challenged some mamas about TV watching and video games on a homeschool list and instead of the firestorm that was likely by my negative attitude and disparaging comments...they walked gentle and simply educated and prodded me to think about my reasoning and what things might have led me there. They could have just closed the door.

Five years later I count these mamas in my circle of friends and admire them more and more with every encounter. I may not agree with them 100%, but the more I live this life the more I have to learn.

I find myself asking myself this dazzling grey morning, what losses have I incurred from closing doors on people? What loss from being locked out on the other side of that door? How much better would it be to simply stand firm and welcoming in my ideology to shine the light on ignorance or prejudice? I'm not saying it is better to never shut the door, sometimes it just needs to be slammed and barricaded and booby trapped to keep out evil but I think more thought should be put into that door and its traffic flow. You know?

Anyway, I was just thinking about this as I iron out my thoughts about how to better handle some of the negativity I am dealing with from a public school teacher at church. I wonder if I can better handle myself, not bristle so much when the negative comments are made. How can I set an example for my daughters that is graceful and patient both face to face and when I start fuming about it at home?

I'll let you know.

6 comments:

  1. OH MY!!! As always beautifully said. Amazing, this is the exact same thing I have been pondering in regards to farming, and how to farm (grass vs grain, confine vs total open range).

    As always, I find there is such an amazing middle ground that many can agree with.

    Perhaps utilizing references that both can agree are beneficial will help. Your formal art lessons & music, may help to show some foundations that are there under each schooling method.

    Keep working, you'll find the grace that He has given you, and He will help you find the right words.

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  2. It gets easier with time. One thing that can be hard is wanting people to love us and approve. The longer I am a mother the less I really feel the need to share my story with strangers or people I don't know well. I keep a lot of walls up with people I don't know b/c I don't need or want their opinions. Lots of love and luck!

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  3. I have had negative comments from people - some who are family members and teachers (double whammy there!)

    It washes over me more now, a year on but initially I would get so churned up and worry.

    It's hard, because you don't want to have to defend your choices or show off your child's achievements but at the same time you feel the need to educate others about what home ed is...let me know when you find the happy balance!

    (Just found you via Growing Naturally and love your blog.)

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  4. A wise teacher told me the poet Rumi said: "Out beyond the idea of right and wrong, there is a field. Meet me there..."
    I like that.

    Keep doing what you do. Your journey is unfolding absoultely the way it is suppose to ~

    Thanks for sharing

    Pamela

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  5. stumbled on you via another unschooly blog... lovely stuff here.

    it's so hard, but we must remain strong & resolute in what we know in hearts is right for *our children! i just made a point in my most recent blog post (boundlessvoice.com) about that one especially important word you address: choice. and still, what to say to people who don't 'get it'? i decided i wanted to have a catch-phrase on hand that i can use so i don't get pulled into an emotional exchange (because it's one of those issues i get really worked up about when someone challenges me). with those in my life who i love - it's 'trust me.' that's all i need to say (hopefully...) and, i think blogging can be so helpful to give our loved ones more of an idea of what this lifestyle 'looks like'. still haven't found one a catch-all response for strangers (other than 'mind your own business!' but that's not very nice :0 )... let me know if you think of some clever yet kind response.

    hugs,
    artis

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A blog about farming, unschooling, feminism, 22q deletion syndrome, cooking real food, homesteading, permaculture, and motherhood.