Negative Feelings

I have been harboring some negative thoughts and feelings and it's time to cut anchor.

Mostly, I have found myself judging and resentful toward people I know I admire, but have somehow let me down. Other moms, making their way in the world, just like me. Today, I found myself verbalizing some of these feelings to a friend (and spouse) and it was awful. It felt bad to me and the kind ears listening. I am so sorry.

Upon reflection, perhaps this is but a step in my journey. I realized quickly what these feelings were doing to me and once I was home and in the quiet, I understood them better. It is easier to feel put out and judgmental than to work at friendships with people who are living different lives than what we choose. It is not about homeschooling or not, believing or not, mindful about food or not- the root of it all is my creating walls to protect myself from the vunerability of friendship. In reality, I am still hurting.

So, while I am cutting anchor to the feelings and letting them go to sea, I am swimming back to shore to the picnic.

Baby Update- Bye Bye Belly Button

26 weeks and my belly button is getting tiny (that's what Lil'Bug says). I can't see it. I realized that all of the mirrors in our home show only chest and head. Ha. Anyway, it's gone! Whoo hoo a milestone!

Also, I am working hard at training for birth. Yoga, stretching, kegels, squatting. I only do about 20-60 minutes a day but boy am I sore. That means to me that I need the exercises.

This week I am craving Oreos. Yuck. I am not giving in. Ok, I did a little and had an Oreo ice cream sandwich and it made me feel really sick. What I learned from Lil'Bug's pregnancy was to figure out what about the food I was craving and find a healthier medium. So fried pies became egg rolls because I wanted the fried crispy part. What about Oreos can be translated into healthy? Yeah, beats me.

Tomorrow I am making egg rolls from the cabbage I grew last summer and froze. Yum. I'll post the recipe. I make them with ground pork and curry. Delicious. (But not Oreos......) I am thinking about adding spinach. Has anyone ever made eggrolls with the spinach AND cabbage?

Dinner A La Complication

Things that went wrong today with getting dinner ready.......

Lil'Bug was upset that we ran out of yellow apples. She cried. What does that have to do with dinner? She left the fridge door open and I didn't notice for an hour or so. Dinner must be made with food that would otherwise spoil. Hmmmm.

Made Lazy French Bread from scratch. Simple enough recipe but......drumroll please.....after a perfect rise and punch down and rise I went to preheat the oven and it wouldn't. (sigh) Dearest walks in and tries to save the day. It took all three of us to figure it out and fix it. That was neat. Someone had knocked into the dial and a wire thing came unplugged. Plugged back in and everything is awesome. Except.....the bread is starting to fall? Yikes. Hopefully it will be ok.

Lil'Bug decided to mop the kitchen floor with dish soap. Super slippery. Good thing my balance is awesome with giant kitchen knife. No fatalities or injuries, but close. Too close. Sitting down now. There is still a wee bit of numbness in me limbs from the panic. (Say that like an Irish marm for the full affect....)

So recipe for tonight's soup?
Leftover ham roast boiled until it fell apart and made a good stock.
1 bag of frozen Italian Blend veggies
Leftover potatoes
1 cup of Parmesan cheese, grated
1 cup of cream

Served with bread. Bread that was too dough-y and was missing something in the instructions, I think. Surely it can't be my mad kitchen skillz.

Disappointing Endings

This week I have read both Grimpow by Rafael Abalos and the Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards. Both well written, incredible novels.

Except for one minor problem.

The endings. The last chapters. In both of these books the last chapter felt forced, like a neat a tidy clean up of all loose ends. I hate that.

It has been a while since I've read anything but Juvenile fiction chapter books so to read through hundreds of pages of gripping well told storyline only to emerge from it disappointed was, well, disappointing.

Perhaps it is me. Has anyone else read these?