Beauty is in the Eye of the....

 

Lil'Bug's first punk rock hair cut. She wanted to dye it black but settled for stripes of dark brown. You know, some things are tricky- like me dying my hair. I was worried about how dying my hair red would be taken by our neighbors and extended family, never really considering the little ones at home. She confessed to me after the beauty day that she was sad that I dyed my hair and that's why she dyed hers too. We have the same natural hair color, why doesn't mama think that it is pretty? 

Yeah. Broke my heart. At five, a simple act of cosmetic drama, hurt her self esteem. We talked about it, but nothing I could say changed how she felt. I have a lot to think about before the next time I get my hair done.

I think that sometimes, especially when a child looks like a parent, that so much of the child's self view can be affected by the actions of the parent. If the parent doesn't self value, then neither will the child. Just like the billboards up all around Des Moines say, "Children live what they learn" or is it, "Children learn what they live"? So when a child sees their parent worrying over looking fat or putting on make up, all of those things hit them where it counts. It is a delicate balance though, if a parent says to the child that they do look just the same but they really don't, the child can start to self doubt too. I had a relative who was overweight constantly tell me we wore the same size dress and it made me doubt what I saw in a mirror. I weighed 85 lbs at the time. 

On the other hand, I really like dying my hair red. Working on the farm is hard and dusty. A little bit of colour cheers me up. I don't wear make up of a lot of jewlery, so this was a little bit of fun. I do wish that mattered to my kid's broken heart though. It doesn't.

I also think her stripes are really cool. I told her this. I think she may be having salon regret, but the change will grow on her. She can always decide to grow it out or do it again. It is her choice and I think that is a valuable lesson too.

Everything in Exclamation!

 

"Here's how to do this Blueberry!" and, "I will read to you!"

  

 Dancing and Singing!

  

 Dancing!

  

Eggs! The first green one since before Christmas! Spring surely must be on her way!

 

Exclamation!

Doing the Right Thing is Hard

I have always tried to do the right thing, even when it broke my heart in two. I always put thought and consider as many factors as I can.

I also don't hide this from my girls. I talk them through what I struggle with. I think it is important for them to see the process and understand that there are facets and details in human relationships that are fragile but also that morals and family safety are important.

A couple weeks ago in Sunday school Lil'Bug had a rough time. Two of the little boys had crushes on her and were being teased by some older kids. The way they were displaying affection (and being teased) embarrassed her so much that she asked to come and get me. I quietly sat with her, but the teasing didn't really stop (the normal teacher was gone). The kids asked me to decide for her.

I responded that any person would be lucky to have Lil'Bug as a friend because she is smart, funny, and kind. I added that if they have serious marriage proposals that they needed to take it up with Lil'Bugs father and that I would be happy to go get him if they needed. Yes. That stopped that. We did mention the incident to their parents though.

Then the class got out crayons and paper. The crazy loud bunch started a ruckus about who could draw what animal pooping and who's poop was grosser. That did it for Lil'Bug.

She stood up and declared firmly, "I am going to draw Jesus. We are in church and this is Sunday school. I need to be thinking about JESUS." And with that she sat down and drew this:

From Left to right you'll see, "Jesus's parents crying, Jesus as a heart on the cross, a pond with fish jumping up to give him water and birds flying over head. Not pooping. Oh, and the sun which is hot." That is her description.

It is hard to take a stand and do what is right. The other kids were having a blast and no harm was done, but it still was not the best way to behave in church. She didn't point fingers. She stood firm, made her message clear, and then took action.

One of the kids noticed. He stopped and started drawing firetrucks instead. After class he said to Lil'Bug and me, "I really like you Lil'Bug. You are brave and cool."

Yes. She is brave and cool and amazing. I am lucky to be her mama.

Not every encounter with difficulty is handled so gracefully though. She got in a fight in art class and caused a major disruption. Her explanation was that the girl was a know it all bully and started yelling at her, but in a tricky way so only Lil'Bug got in trouble. As it turns out, this kid and Lil'Bug have history. LilBug decked her in the face two years ago for being a bully to one of Lil'Bug's friends. It is a proud family tradition to stand up to such people (on Dearest's side that is) but we've been working hard to teach Lil'Bug how to better handle such situations. I was thrilled that it was yelling! Not hitting and biting! This is wonderful!

I am still working with her how to even better handle such situations, so that, for example, the bully isn't able to trick the teacher into blaming Lil'Bug. And yes, I do believe her when she says that is what happened. I am also glad that she has a wonderful teacher, who was not in fact tricked at all. :) These things are hard.

Also booya to all those people who exclaim that kids need public school for socializtion experience like dealing with bullies. Seriously. Booya. (And yes I double checked urbandictionary to make sure that word means what I thought it did. Giggle.)

Growing Up, Little Gifts

Some times life gives us little gifts. This week Lil"Bug "polished" her room. She's kept it almost this clean all week. A couple times she's asked for my help (by assigning me "chores" which actually amounts to, "Hey Mama, if I pick up the toys and make the bed, will you put away my dress up clothes?" I am totally cool with that.) She's read books to her sister and kept her fish fed. She's insiting on starting the night in her own bed and asking for lots of alone time. Growing up. Someday these things won't mean so much to her and the months and years will fly by with no discernable difference, I am glad that she's still little enough for me to bask in the glow of her wonderment.