The Kindness Protocol

Today, a name for what I often offer as advise to my friends came to me.

The Kindness Protocol. 

What is this? How does it work? Why would you think of that?

It stems from this post I wrote around the holidays, which came about because of something another friend was doing, which she had heard about from another friend, and so on......

It is Mercy in a Ziploc, but on a smaller more personal scale.

So say you are having a really bad day. I mean like your babies diaper exploded all over your new boots and couch, while you cleaned it up your lunch caught on fire, your best friend called and you were rude to her and she decided never to speak to you ever again because she's sick of your shit, and then your favourite aunt dies, your car won't start, and your checking account is at -6$ with payday 7 days away and no milk in the fridge.

Friend, many of us have had days like this.

It is easy to get online and pick fights or say "It must be nice" to someone who had a good day and start the bringing them down too cycle, because it spreads like a viral plague, and leaves no one unsullied.

If you let it.

So, when a friend listed off her mindblowingly bad day and then asked.....What do I do now? That is when the Kindness Protocol was born.

It goes something like this:

1)Start small. Go to 5 friends' facebook walls and tell them how much they mean to you, what you like about them, why you are grateful for their friendship.
2) Do it again.
3) Make a meal for someone you know, for no reason, and bring it to them. Or cookies. Cookies work.
4) Make a list of nice things you could do for people in the next week.
5) Do them.
6) Ask people about their lives, not just how are you? but how is xyz going for you? 
7) Call someone you miss and tell them that.
8) Hold the door open for others.
9) Pay for a stranger's coffee.
10) Make an effort to say/do/be kinder when folks are having a rough day and are outwardly rude. They need grace, love, kindness more at that moment.
11) Push a kid on a swing, blow bubbles for a baby, read a book to a toddler. 

*Listen when someone starts to share what is on their heart.
*Pay attention to people around you. Start seeing their suffering. Be the person that brings calm instead of adding to the pile. Even if you are just as broken, this effort will turn others to you as well. 

You get the idea? You can take a friend out to lunch. You can send someone a post card, just because, you can do all sorts of small things with great love that make a huge impact.

You know what? These things come back to you, when you are kind, when you make the world better by your own actions and words and deeds and self.......people reflect it back on you and are there for you when you need it. This is how community is built, this is how we can begin to heal.

This is the Kindness Protocol.
It works. It makes the world a little better instead of worse.

This Otherness is My Superpower

Most people don't know.  I am a mermaid.

No not really.

I have gone my whole life feeling like I was not in this world, that I was alien, something too different to belong here.

Longing to be back in the water, wondering if I'd feel more at home there. Wondering if I was meant to be on dry land or if it was all a mistake. (Hey, no freaking out, just a metaphor...)

I get sensory overload. I get panic attacks when things change in a visual way and I am not expecting it. I cannot deal with large noisy crowds.

Sometimes I zone out. Sometimes I lose a chunk of time to daydreaming or just lose it to nothingness.

I hear all the background noise that others zone out and can't hear. All of it. Every appliance buzz, every light fixture. Every beetle click. Living in the city was so very hard.

Sometimes I can't sleep. I stay up playing over and over in my head things I wish I would have said or done. Undo social mistakes. Sometimes I wish I knew how to be a friend or how not to say just the wrong harsh thing at the wrong time. I wish my apologies would be accepted.

I get overwhelmed.

I sensory seek to cancel out. I run my hands under water to calm down.

I crank up music. I dance. I write. Then I hide it all.

When I burst into tears in the cheese aisle because Hy-vee has just remodelled and moved everything and the lighting is super bright and the new freezer cases are LOUD....I just feel like a failure. What is worse is someone seeing it. What is her problem, she can't find cheese?

I hold it together, moderate drama, softly soothe broken hearts, and generally know a lot about a lot of things....but I am not always put together and solid. I hate that about myself. I hate that I have this overwhelmingness that happens.

So when the man of steel locks himself in a closet in grade school? I get that. I used to hide in my own closet or under my own bed to try and make the world smaller. I try to practise and plan and make the world the kind of world I can be in.  I notice details though that others don't and sometimes that is just too overwhelming.

Somewhere along the line I realised that I can actually be different, this otherness is my own superpower. So, my apologies to the kind folks in the cheese aisle last year, I will get the hang of the new layout. I go in the mornings, and I almost have a comfort zone about it now.

Just know. Just know. Being different isn't something to be ashamed of, to medicate away, to pretend isn't part of my life.

My life is beautiful and overwhelming and wonderful and just big enough for now. I will continue to try and make it a world I can live in.

I began to understand this more as I have raised three children who are also experiencing this great big world and all of its beauty and noise and structures.

So, friends, be patient with each other, be gentle, be kind. Apologise when you can. Make this world better and not bigger.

Yummy Learning

Lily insisted that I take action shots of the whole process. Future food blogger!

Blueberry muffins= math lesson in fractions, chemistry in cooking, reading instructions, bonus sanitation and life skills lesson. Learning is life. Life is learning! And yummy.

Winter is Coming.....Again.

Preparing for this round of winter weather. This is iron wood and it burns long and hot. My favourite to burn right now, though I would have preferred it as a tree. It died two summers ago, suddenly with no indication of a problem. We lost a maple like that too. So it now serves a new purpose on our farm, heating the house and providing cooking heat too. Oh and it smells wonderful.

Lily had been a grumpy girl this week. The last two days of working with her dad outside turned that around. She really is a wonderful young lady.

She has also discovered an app on my phone called Polyvore and has been creating collages of fashion and home decor. It is fun, but I think I am bugging my facebook friends because her creations go straight into my newsfeed. Grandma likes it though, sorry friends!

That's all for now, we are busy preparing for the polar vortex part 2 or whatever it is they are calling this new round of weather. Just 3 weeks left before I set out on my cross country adventure and I have a lot of work to do in writing to prepare for that. Not to mention cleaning, cooking, and general laundry tasks that have to be done before I go. I am so excited!