I mean no offense by recalling this conversation, but about a year ago my mama friends and I were discussing park day and playgrounds. Some mamas liked that park day that is always at one park, and that the kids rarely if ever play on the standard equipment. Some disliked it for exactly that reason! Their argument was that the kids were bored and that led to trouble, fights, and interpersonal drama. They favoured going to a different park every week and providing structured, controlled activities.
I can see the benefit to both in the short term, and really we have to decide what is best for each of our own families. However, I am going to try and articulate why I prefer going to the same park despite the drama that sometimes arises.
First, consistency is nice. My kids know what to expect, I am familiar with the geography and boundaries of the park and can better set boundaries. There are sometimes new kids, but there is always somebody they are familiar with including adults that they have grown to trust and therefore listen to and respect. They know the bathrooms, they know the trees. They can pick up imagination games that they started or played the week before.
Second, boredom is the fire of ingenuity. They have come to prefer the trees to climb and hide in, the woods to run in, and the open spaces over the metal equipment and sand pits. Sometimes they go there too, but not to simply try out all the monkey bars. They exercise their brains as well as their bodies and come up with new ways to be physical in the space provided. Sometimes someone brings a ball or a Frisbee and then they play for a while at that game.
Third. Interpersonal drama. Girls being catty. Jealousy. Physical fights. Wow. Sounds just like a school playground! A couple observations on this. One is that THIS is socialization at work. The stuff that everyone claims we are depriving our kids of. It's not intrinsically a bad thing. No, it is a GOOD thing when they can play with these roles and emotions in a familiar place, nearby people that can and will intervene if necessary, that the kids can go to for help in solving issues or that they can trust will step in. Not that it gets to that point often, but it has. The small jealousies that my girls have been a part of are not small to them. They have been on both sides of the dynamic, trying out roles and then working them out. A couple weeks later the same girls that were in tears hating each other have worked out their differences and are friends again. The lovely thing about this is that they have our guidance, they have the check of the fact that we often hear both sides of the story before we even leave the park and thus can provide the kind of gentle guidance that allows them to work it out instead of it escalating.
Honestly, I find that my girls tend to engage in roles that they see me struggling with and more fully express the emotions. Like a fun house mirror, this can often remind me to heed the advice I give them. Sometimes grown ups can be really childish and we often forget that the children hear and see everything, not always processing the nuances of human behaviour. They call it as they see it.
Playground play is so important to the developing mind. I specifically try not to get involved when they have conflict and encourage them to find solutions, while reminding them what behaviour will only cause more pain and conflict. By trying out these roles, they experience both sides and develop empathy in a way that I think that only allowing them to engage in structures controlled activities can not do. I heard a study once that claimed that be denying this kind of role play, we simply delay the opportunity and the kids will still try on the roles later, possibly without empathy and thus are created sociopaths and bullies. At least I think it was that study! LOL.
A fourth reason is that the group is multi age and multi generational. School playgrounds do not provide this, or most do not. Lil'Bug's friends are not all her age peers. She can hold a conversation with someone's grandma, as easily as she can with her friends. Her friends are both older and younger than she is. Some are girls and some are boys. She learns by observing how to treat others, she sees the affects of her words and actions and can have the encouragement of her peers and parents to make right if her actions have an effect that she is unhappy with. She gets to KNOW people as individuals. If she doesn't like a game or a dynamic, she does something else for a while. Sits with me, eats a snack, climbs a tree, cuddles her sister. Then jumps confidently back into play. Park day is 3-4 hours long. That gives the kids TIME to work out their play as well.
Sometimes it is nice to just sit under the shade trees and colour. Or sit up high in a tree. The comfort level of our park day provides both opportunities and the kids don't feel pulled to explore a playground they may never see again or pushed to play a game they don't want to just because it is the structured activity provided and all their peers are doing it. Sometimes they get into dangerous things, like a mud puddle that had poop in it. Or they find a drug needle or a condom in the tree cover. It is a public park after all.
Sigh.
Introducing Blueberry Girl into the equation has changed what park day means to me as well. I can no longer lounge in the shade chatting with people who have older kids. I have to be on active playground watch, defensive against a runner who goes for the parking lot, pushing swings, spotting acrobatics. This phase will pass and soon she will be climbing trees and rolling in the tall grasses with the older kids and I will repeat the cycle with Zaphod in a few years. The benefit to the girls far outweighs the extra effort on my part. Plus, it just means I have to actively PARENT and I will not complain about that. It is after all my role in the dynamic.
Being with like minded parents who do not find my food philosophies or parenting style crazy is nice. It fills me up with confidence for the week. Being more confident, I can walk my path with my head up. THAT helps my girls grow as well.
And as an additional thought, I wonder what always providing children entertainment and structure would lead to? Would they always require someone else to provide that? Would they start to complain that they are bored and have nothing to do? Would simple toys not be enough to capture their curiosity and imagination and would that part of their brain atrophy? What kind of adults evolve from that? Is there more benefit to unstructured play and unstructured bio rhythms than to structuring it and controlling it all when they are small and young? Possibly introducing more structure as age and social culture requires it rather than pushing it on them early? Or maybe there is in fact structure present, just not the kind we control with whistles and force? The structure is present in the consistency of time and place, giving the children the basis to feel comfortable and confident.
So that's just what is in my head today. Happy Monday!
