Chores, a Thinking Response....

I was discussing a few days ago what chores my kids do, what ages are appropriate for what chores.

What immediately came to mind was our Amish neighbor who's 6 year old son (and his 2 other son's and a couple nephews) helped him build a roof on a two story house. Each helped according to their skill and ability. Sometimes, even most of the time, the youngest just sat and watched, fetched tools, and the like- BUT there was a hard to get to joist inside the porch roof being rebuilt and he's the one who crawled in with the drill and got that end. Too young? I don't think so. I mean, the Amish obviously are doing something right considering.

After being blessed to witness that and that same week hearing a lovely piece of wisdom from a local homeschooler (never turn down kid help, and don't question its value or redo it if you can help it or it won't happen again)...I decided to adopt a middle ground. Our farm needs to function with a degree of safety and I can't do everything.

I think kids today are underestimated. Not given enough responsibility and that does them a disservice. So my girls do chores WITH me. All of them to varying degrees, to each their own ability. I'm not building houses here, but I do think it is important that they learn the cost of things, how to budget for food and needs, how to purchase things, how to clean and keep organized, nutrition, food preparation, laundry and dishes, and basic household management things. I have had to learn as I go as an adult and that has done a disservice to my family. The one thing I did know was how to balance a checkbook (thanks Dad!) but that doesn't always make the money fairy show up at our door. Ha! Seriously though. These skills are extremely important and they are an apprentice trade by nature.

Why relegate your kids to just trash take out or some other small insignificant chore? Why not have them help you with it all and make it an important part of your life? I think that part of the problem lies in how we view these tasks, as degrading. They are not. They are the ying to the yang of the breadwinner or the ying to the yang of the farmer and labourer. One needs the other and both thrive when seen as equally important to the growing family. Sounds a little old fashioned  I suppose.

Honestly I need to set a better example even still for my children. I am improving, at a steady pace. I decided not to beat myself up and just keep working on it. In the next couple months I plan to revamp our clothing and laundry system because I have serious issues there. For now, clean clothes in baskets will have to do. Mt. Washmore is not yet ready to be conquered, for now......

Back to the issue at hand. There are some chores Lily does completely on her own. I read somewhere recently (I can't find it!) that kids need chore guidance in this order:
1)watching
2)helping with full assistance
3)helping with little assistance
4)doing with supervision
5)doing with no supervision and a check later
6)doing with full trust and responsibility

A lot of chore discussion just skips from #1 and assigns tasks at the #5-6 level. That is a bit unfair to the kid. What if you were training for a job and that was done to you? You'd probably adapt, but it would be frustrating and a negative experience most likely.

So what does my 5 year old do with full responsibility? Nothing. Not yet. Right now there is always a double check later even if she doesn't realize it because her chores involve livestock and that is ultimately our responsibility. But at the #5 level, she lets the chickens out, takes them scraps, collects and washes eggs, feeds them their grain, and fluffs their nests. She does all of that without being asked, every morning. She feeds and waters the cat. She's in charge of making sure the bathrooms have toilet paper and on dump run day she collects bath and laundry room trash bags. She collects cans out of Dearest's office. At the lesser levels, she does almost EVERYTHING I do. Yes, everything to a degree. I say almost because the pigs are big enough now that she is not allowed in the pen, but her part of that chore is to watch her sister for 15 minutes. She does a great job too. She helps wash the whey buckets, load and unload them. She does a lot of things, too many to list. And she still PLAYS most of the day. Sometimes I'll go check on her and find her taking care of a task unasked, just because she saw that it needs to be done.

She surprises me sometimes with what she is ready for, what she is willing to help with. And I know her limits better now than I did when we lived in the city. We also don't do allowances. She does earn money, but she saves most of it for her future horse. She earns that by collecting metal and glass from the drive and the field that the horse will be kept, 5 cents a piece. That serves a double purpose, since those items would hurt the horse (and the tractor/car tires). Sometimes she gets mad and breaks things, money for repair comes out of the horse $ jar. Sometimes she asks for extra chores and then buys something little for her sister or one of her friends. But the $$ are not related to the "chores" that are key to keeping our home healthy and happy.

That's my take on it. Perhaps it is a little radical considering what everyone is used to, but it works for us most of the time! :)

Some big news, and some little news

Yesterday while burning a pile of wood I found a snake - I was able to grab it and MamaP and the girls pulled in to the driveway while I was looking for a place to keep it until they arrived.


The big news (for me anyway) is that it was a new species for me - a Brown Snake. I had assumed the snake was a baby but it was probably at least close to being an adult. It was extremely docile, so I let Lily bring it back to field to set it free. Even Holly got to hold it, but we didn't get a pic of that since I was helping her.


In other, much smaller news, I managed to fix the hot water heater. The board that had to be replaced is below. The heater is a tankless heater from a brand called Paloma, that was bought out by a company called Rheem. Overall the customer service on the phone was really good - inefficient (I was transfered about 4 times) but very helpful. I told them my error code, and about 20 seconds later he was getting my address to ship the part to me. When I ran into a problem with the installation related to some poor documentation, they were open on Saturday and explained the procedure to program the board very clearly - they were obviously familiar with the product and not reading from a script.



The offending board is here - the round things on the left side are capacitors, and the ones that look like they have a rounded top do, and aren't supposed to. They failed for some reason which is why we were receiving the error. The capacitors on the new board were a little different - I suspect they were replaced for that reason.

Deserting the dessert menu....

List of to do's today that are mostly done:
Dump run, hive check, and gas tank fill.

Now we still have:
Back at home.....plant a few more rows and work on flower beds. I am starting to wish we had our own chipper so I can make non firewood worthy storm fall branches into landscaping mulch. As it is I think I will just rake up grass clippings. I have zinnia's to plant! WOO!

I think an all day outside is just what we need.

So that's what is on the menu. I got to thinking about something this week. Lots of people have been posting pictures of desserts or listing out meals with desserts. Now, I love me some sugar, but the problem with desserts is that I eat them. I eat all of them. No, I eat all of all of them. No one else here really cares for sweets except Blueberry and she will forgo dinner if she knows there will be dessert.  I eat less of the good stuff too. Gobble gobble like cookie monster. Ice cream would last longer melting on the counter than in my presence. I love me some sugar.

Solution: I don't plan for desserts. I don't make them. We might have a before bed snack but it is cheese or meat or fruit. Hardly dessert menu worthy. So when we have a special occasion, the dessert really is special. Cake is not a common occurrence here. I've only ever made brownies once in my entire life and have not made them again because I would EAT them all nom nom nom nom.

I wonder when dessert became such a huge part of American daily life. You know?

Just my thoughts for the day.....

Doctor and Birth Center

Resigned to a C-Section and really stressed out and tired of the treatment that I have received from my current provider (I love the midwife at the practice, but not some of the staff nor the labs they contract), I decided to search out other options. I mean, a 5th blood test scheduled, each test negating the worrisome result of the preceding but finding something possibly new and then I find out that non standard and inappropriate tests were run without my knowledge or consent. That kinda pissed me off. I only found out about it because they billed the wrong insurance company who denied the claim and sent me the denial form, with each test detailed out. Wrong. Neither insurance company, the labs, nor the doctor would tell me what the labs were for. There were 17. I finally pushed enough for someone to tell me and that was still just a guess. Grrrrrrr.

So I sat down and made a list of things I wanted this time around with my limited options.
1) I actually would like a vaginal birth. It is called a VBAC2. It is possible. The risk of uterine rupture is 1.36%, with a VBAC1 it is 1%. If the doctors tell me it is not possible, I am coming to terms with that. I feel healthier and stronger now than ever before in my entire life. If ever, the time would be now.
2) I would at the very least like a C/S at 40 weeks, not 38. Or better yet, a labour indicated C/S. That would mean I know for sure that the baby's lungs are ready, even if I can't deliver baby through the proper channels.
3) I want my Doula in the OR with me. Chad for the baby, CB with me. I get terrified and I need someone to hold my hand. I would never in a million years take Chad away from the baby, but I still need someone with me. CB was with me through the other two C/S.
4) For prenatal care, I need someone who understands my reluctance to be touched too much. I need a doctor I can trust not to treat me like cattle or another folder that they have maybe read.

So, I could go back to the group that delivered both my girls. I was ok with them, but something in my heart was reluctant. It is why I searched out the midwife I was with at the start of this pregnancy. They are excellent surgeons. They were even supportive of my VBAC attempt with Blueberry, but the support staff assigned to me in labour sucked. I didn't like her at all, but when I get admitted I get submissive. This time I needed more assurance.

It started with a phone call to the local health center. There are billboards all over town with advertisements for the new birth center wing. I asked few questions of the nurse, she asked questions to me as well and she scheduled a tour.

Wow. The place is nice. There is a courtyard for labouring women to walk around in. The labour suits each have a door to it. The nurse couldn't quite answer my questions, saying the doctor would have to answer them. The place is very family friendly, but also very small. It was not at all like the giant factory 30+ babies that the big hospitals have. They had one woman in labour. They were getting the nursery ready for her new baby. The nurses all smiled at us. One even started a conversation with Lil'Bug. Lovely! One nurse said her first baby was born while she was strapped to a bed with Pit plugged in and it was horrific, 30 years ago. She said no woman would ever suffer like that under her care.

Then we got to interview the doctor! He spent about 20 minutes with us, answering my questions and concerns, asking some of his own. He is very VBAC supportive. He asked what led to the C/S's before, and stated he would review my file if a VBAC2 is what I wanted. He said he'd done a successful VBAC3! He explained risk, which I knew. He said the only barrier is really the small facility, could only accommodate a VBAC during the week, day hours.

He said he never does planned C/S before 39 weeks. It's not good for the baby. He said I could have as many support people as I liked in the OR as long as there was not a need for them to leave.

He said pregnancy is not a disease! YAY! He also said that confidentiality is very important to them and what happened with my 1st blood test in Des Moines would not have happened under his care and lab. Yes. That. It is not the law, as I was told by the labs in DM and the doc there.

You know, the attitude of the facility is what really sold me. Respect for the women and their babies is really important. I have not made the decision to VBAC2, but it feels empowering to have options again. I canceled the 2nd ultrasound and 5th blood draw that the other doc scheduled. I'll get them done if this doctor says they are necessary.  Until then, I am feeling so much better. I actually feel like he will read my files and history before making decisions. It was a pretty easy decision for me once I got home and reviewed everything with Dearest.

Oh, and while we were there I got Dearest to get treatment and Tetanus shot for the nail hole in his foot. Yay!

So a frustrating start has a new beginning. The farther away from the big city I get, the happier I am. I just never thought that would apply to health care.