Stranded

Today was kind of a go with the flow what else can go wrong lets make the best of it kind of day.

First, I forgot the actual dates of VBS. Thought it was next week. Nope.

So, then we managed to make it to today's only to have the truck break down right in front of the church. Seriously.

I got it started and drove the 5 blocks to the local mechanic.

Only to realise that he had not yet fixed the leak on my other vehicle.

No problem. We'll walk down to the square and eat and go to the library and take care of passport paperwork.

Only. It. Was. A. Mile. Or. More. To. Walk.

Three kids, one who is not a great walker for long distances because of hypotonia, no baby carrier or stroller, my work backpack and camera gear, and Lily's art bag from the truck. We walked. And walked. And walked.

Got to the courthouse and the square. Cool.

No cool? My drivers license* will take 10 days to three weeks in the mail and without the hard plastic copy, no passport application is valid. BUGGER. So did that.

*It seems that for about 16 years I have had and renewed a technically illegal drivers license. Not kidding. I've flown. I've bought and sold property. I worked for the State of Iowa. All the time, my license was incorrect and no one, not even me, took notice. Until now. Of course.


So, finish up there and head to Lindy's. Find cute stuff. Forget that what I buy I have to carry. Add to load.

On to get an early lunch while we wait for Chad (2 more hours to go). Complication. Dining room is closed for cleaning and the bar tables are not safe for Isaac. Wait for lower table.

And wait.

And wait.

Run into local babywearing/homeschooling mama friend. Chat while kids start to bite each others' arms. (Internally sob.....)

Finally, food. Then they offer to move us to a back table where there is a charger, but Isaac is getting wound up.

Instead we head to the park 4 blocks away. Full charge on laptop, charging my phone, hot spot= blogging.

That's not quite the end of my day. Still, the kids are fed, really well exercised, and still in a pretty good mood. I'll have pig chores to do when I get home and that will suck, but still, could be worse.

I think, today is a good day to go to bed early, read a book before that, and just be thankful that it was nice out and not 100+ degrees or raining. Thankful that I have a life partner on his way with a working car. Thankful that through the ordeal of today's events I could stay connected to so many people who offered to come get us and expressed concern or just commiserated. Feeling loved, feeling appreciated.

That's where we are at folks, playing in a park on a gorgeous summer day, sweet wind dancing in our hair, laughing, playing. Not a bad day after all.

This Week on the Farm, in Pictures

Daring to Dream.....Again.

Sabotage. That is my word for the year. So much of the last decade has been me sabotaging any efforts of the creative part of myself. I was recently lent a copy of a book called Mamaphonic, a collection of essays about how motherhood changes the creative force in an artist/mother.  Three essays in I was in tears. I am not the only one, these roadblocks? They are the standard toolbox of motherhood induced writer's block.

The common thread so far, the rope to climb out of the hole, is to just start again. Write/dance/draw/paint/play through the self pity, through the negative self talk, through the distractions, through the insomnia, lack of time, and crappy artistic output. It is harder to pick back up the deeper in the hole you fall, so doodle through it. Keep that pen to paper and the ink flowing. Blogging did that for me. It isn't brilliant writing by any stretch, but it kept that part of my brain going, keeps it lit. Blogging tripe every day is better than long silences.

Pulling snail shells from a farm pond and always regretting that they are not seashells on the beach, sometimes you have to just look at the beauty and poetry of these small treasures, these little tokens of the wild mind and collect them just the same. It's still getting and keeping your feet wet, it's still communing with mermaids and goblins, still treading water. Holding that space for yourself for when the cycle returns and you can make more time for whatever that passion is.



What else? I finally shared with my family and friends what I was going through, instead of hiding it like a dirty secret. THIS was the real key to climbing out. Every time, every single time, I fall back....someone sends me a link to a submission, a suggestion, an inspirational meme, asks to read my work, or in some other small way lets me know that they support this effort, this vocation of mine. From my father in law sending and resending the link to the Ossabaw Island writer's retreat and following up with asking me if I got his link to it and then really helping Chad with kids when I actually went to it........to Chad making space and time for me to have time to write....to friends leaving me comments and small cards in the mail cheering me on.......all of these things make a huge difference in someone like me struggling to value my own work.

I realised today, that Chad has also found a vocation: Regenerative Farming is the name for it, Permaculture by design. I have never seen him so lit up inside and excited about something. Sometimes we come to our true calling later in life, and Chad has certainly found his. He is not as forthcoming asking for emotional support and encouragement though (is this a guy thing or a Chad thing?)....so I am trying to also hold his space for him. Making sure his goals and dreams can fruit without drift killing the branches. I have never seen him so happy. We can make this work, we can move this passion of his to the next level. I'm not sure what that will look like, right now we are in the dreaming phase. Still, those of you all who know us, know that when we dare to dream we do.

The cycle continues, but the more positive we put in, the more we can share with others. What are your dreams and goals and what do you need to move them forward?

Summer Day, Hello July!

A few pictures from today. Golly my kids are cute!