This is a funny story: Last week I was in the front yard with Lil'Bug and our neighbor pulls in her driveway....
She says, "I just wanted to let you know, I'm having people over at 3."
Silence. Blank stare on my part. I could not figure out what she was getting at? I don't care if she has company over. Did she think I am too hideously pregnant and/or slovenly to be seen in the front yard? I mean, I've gained weight and I had jelly stains on my shirt from lunch, but I still think I am fairly presentable most days, that day included. OR maybe she was trying to invite us? Ug. Wait, maybe she's just excited to share the news of her gathering?
"There will be a church bus."
Ok, I am married and pregnant and still cannot figure out why I should care if a church bus is coming to her house. So I say, "How nice for you."
Dearest emerges from the back yard and she repeats her vague statements. HE GETS IT (though how, I have no idea, telepathy?). His truck is parked on the street. She wants it moved. Off the public street. We are the only family without off street parking so of course we park on the street, but she thinks we should only park in front of our own house. That's fine, but wouldn't it be easier to say, "Hey, would you mind moving your truck so my guests don't have to walk as far?" Instead we have to guess at what she wants: very, and ineffectively, passive aggressive.
Oh, and I heard from OTHER neighbors that she is really upset about us parking "near" her house. She can't understand why we are doing it and she's been complaining loudly to all who will listen. Not us, of course. That would be too effective......gah. Also, we have lived here almost 10 years and have always parked in the same places. Did I mention there is free parking on the public street and we don't have off street parking? Gah.
That bugs me.
This is the same lady who complained that my little girl and her friend were laughing and squealing too loud in our backyard in the middle of the day. I mean, we live in a very urban neighborhood where cars thump bass at all hours, sirens accentuate the birds chirping, train whistles blow, street people yell at each other, people honk instead of using door bells, etc.....all that and she has a problem with little girls playing enthusiastically outside in the afternoon?
Years ago I'd have plenty more to say to her. Now I think it is amusing and also a little bit sad. I am not going to ask my child to contain her glee though and we will continue to park our cars on the street (where else? Ooooh, maybe in our yard, on blocks! *evil grin*).
But still, the point of this reflection is that I really am too easily bugged by things. I think in the last year that I have really relaxed quite a bit and let go, but I have many roads to walk on before I really learn. It's not just that things bug me, but that I lay awake at night letting the anxiety attack me. It's just not good.
However, I am finding words to effectively communicate what bugs me and fix it.
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At first, I used to think i was just super sensitive about criticism.
ReplyDeleteThen, I realized I am FINE with criticism when it's upfront and above board. I really have no problem at all discussing differences of opinion in that case.
What I have a huge problem with is passive aggressiveness in all it's unhealthy forms. Ugh. It totally gets my head spinning and heart rate up. And then I get really obnoxious. And passive agressive right back. I hate when I do that! But I hate it when other people do it first, more.
I don't think I could have moved the truck, and I think I would be more prone to making loud noises in my backyard. Hell, I'd probably buy a yappy dog just to spite her. (see how I am?!)
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The thing is.....we have a yappy dog already. We also have a huge privacy fence. I think the fact that we simply live next door bugs her.
ReplyDeleteShe actually acts on her peeves though. For the last 10 years she will call the police and report if we violate any city code at all. One of which is that cars must not be parked on the street in the same place for more than 24 hours at a time.
Right. I mean, there are some days we just don't go anywhere. So our cars get "marked" and then we get tickets. We've even been towed.
We used to have off street parking. We tore up the cracked concrete pad and replaced it with garden beds.
We watched Trading Spaces the other day. I had never seen it b4. It was about 2 neighbors who have lived next door to each other for 6 years. One was really annoying with dogs and a band (and a skateboard park in front of their house. LOL. The had to re-decorate the one room in the others' house. By the end of the show they were all good friends. It was awesome! I wish every day life could be like t.v.
ReplyDeleteWe have had neighbor issues as well. But it always seems to work out. Good luck!!