Friday was filled with friends and tea. Three mamas got together and let their kids go wild. It was fun and just what we needed to take a break from all the holiday nonsense.
Dearest husband was home and played music with the kidlings. I was left another tub mural. We made a significant dent in the cookie pile. All good things. :)
Friday 21 December 2007
Playing and Tea
Mother, wife, sister, friend. This is our second year on the farm, a dream we've had since we were first married. We unschool, AP parent, and grow our own food (or try to).
Thursday 20 December 2007
From the Archives.....
I've only been blogging since April or May of 2007. This picture I found from May of 2006. I love it. It is from a trip Lil'bug and I took to Gavelston, TX. There were a lot of firsts that trip: first sea shell found on the beach, first walk in fresh salt water, first step in quicksand, first swim in a deep pool, first airplane/ferry/boat ride, first encounter with dolphins/crabs/starfish. So much fun. :) I really miss my aunt who lives there and hosted this wonderful part of our trip.
Mother, wife, sister, friend. This is our second year on the farm, a dream we've had since we were first married. We unschool, AP parent, and grow our own food (or try to).
The Aftermath
Things went from sad to worse when we got home. I got more of what happened from my daughter and so did Dearest Husband. We interpreted it so differently that we now understand that we are on two different pages in the grand scheme of parenting. That is not a good thing.
This got me thinking: Lying. What is it really and why do humans do it? Then is what Lil'Bug is doing lying? If so, to what end? So......people lie to avoid unwanted consequence, no? They don't trust the recipient of the lie enough to tell them the truth, for fear of punishment or unwanted reaction. Ok. Sometimes Lil'Bug flat out lies: did you hit the cat? did you take the candy? etc. We ask her these stupid questions when we know the answer already and instead of simply dealing with the now, we test her and she fails (gives the wrong answer). Hmmm. Sometimes though it is a matter of semantics: did you push the kid? No, I moved him. So, to her that is not lying. She is explaining to the best of her ability the nuances of her actions. In one case, she is avoiding (or amplifying) unwanted negative reaction and in the other trying her best to communicate.
So what happens if we punish her in either scenario? We lose her trust.
It comes down to the basic message in attachment parenting: babies communicate their needs- you just have to listen. Well, people communicate their needs too. Lying and manipulating are behavioral consequences of feeling out of control- when we as parents exert control over these small people are we merely leading them to attempt to regain it?
Maybe I am over thinking this. Maybe little kids lie. I don't know. Something feels off. She doesn't lie to me. I want to take this slowly since I think it may be a pivotal point in my parenting.
This got me thinking: Lying. What is it really and why do humans do it? Then is what Lil'Bug is doing lying? If so, to what end? So......people lie to avoid unwanted consequence, no? They don't trust the recipient of the lie enough to tell them the truth, for fear of punishment or unwanted reaction. Ok. Sometimes Lil'Bug flat out lies: did you hit the cat? did you take the candy? etc. We ask her these stupid questions when we know the answer already and instead of simply dealing with the now, we test her and she fails (gives the wrong answer). Hmmm. Sometimes though it is a matter of semantics: did you push the kid? No, I moved him. So, to her that is not lying. She is explaining to the best of her ability the nuances of her actions. In one case, she is avoiding (or amplifying) unwanted negative reaction and in the other trying her best to communicate.
So what happens if we punish her in either scenario? We lose her trust.
It comes down to the basic message in attachment parenting: babies communicate their needs- you just have to listen. Well, people communicate their needs too. Lying and manipulating are behavioral consequences of feeling out of control- when we as parents exert control over these small people are we merely leading them to attempt to regain it?
Maybe I am over thinking this. Maybe little kids lie. I don't know. Something feels off. She doesn't lie to me. I want to take this slowly since I think it may be a pivotal point in my parenting.
Mother, wife, sister, friend. This is our second year on the farm, a dream we've had since we were first married. We unschool, AP parent, and grow our own food (or try to).
Family Music
Mother, wife, sister, friend. This is our second year on the farm, a dream we've had since we were first married. We unschool, AP parent, and grow our own food (or try to).
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