Easy Broccoli Skillet With Other Veggies and Sausage

A simple skillet meal of red bell, broccoli, mushrooms, onions,  butter, a squirt of lemon juice, and salt. High heat, stir a lot to keep from burning. Delicious. I served it with a side of sausage links. 10 minutes of prep and cook combined.

Did I mention easy? And fast? Oh yeah......

Touchy Subject of Touch

I do not make my children hug or kiss people they don't want to. I don't make them hug their friends after a fight to make up. I don't make them accept it when other people want to hug them. I early on taught them to say, "This is my body. I don't want to be touched/tickled/picked up."

They are the sentient occupants inside that mammalian machine we call a body, they are the owners of their flesh. Just as I don't like unwanted touch, even affectionate touch, especially affectionate touch sometimes, I don't expect them to allow it when they don't want it either.

It is called consent. This is how we teach it. This is how we model it.

Sometimes I have to walk the walk and that means when an adult thrusts a toddler at me for a hug and that toddler does not know me.....I have to step back. I always explain that I am a stranger to that child and forcing affection from a stranger is not acceptable. It is dangerous.

Wait, what if you are a relative? No. That part does not matter. In fact, it may even matter more. The majority of abuse and sexual abuse is committed by adults related or known to the child! Being related by family does not entitle affection. Teaching children that it is? Oh, that is so scary. If I am a stranger to that child, I keep my distance. If the child offers me affection while I am still a stranger? I gently redirect and look them in the eye and remind them that I am a stranger.

You see, it is also my body. I get to choose when I am touched too. People I don't know touching me does not feel good to me, even handshakes between strangers makes me uncomfortable though I see it as a necessity of fitting in to our community. Touch can be healing but it can also be destructive and invasive.

When a child says no, let's all respect that. As a community, let us also take a minute to think about how we touch others and what kind of lesson we are teaching our babies.

I am also going to make the jump here into discipline. When a child is struck with a hand or object (spanking) that is also an unwanted touch. When a loved one does it? Is that the message we want them to learn? That violence from someone who loves you is acceptable? That they have no say over their body at that moment, and it is because they have done wrong and you love them? No. No.

No.

NO.

Touch should be loving. Touch should be welcome. Touch should be from people they trust and know.

So, when my relatives went all a flutter because I stepped back from a toddler niece who I have only seen maybe 5 times in her life and four of those times were when she was a newborn, and she was not asking for affection on her own but being ordered to and physically picked up and thrust at me for a hug? This is why I stepped back. I said at the time, I am a stranger to her at her mother's choice. Let's all respect that choice and not teach her she has to give affection to strangers.

There is a history of sexual molestation and violence in our family. I am not about to take part in a cultural norm that grooms children to give affection to people they don't know or to trust people just because they are related to them.

I will not back down from this. I will not shut up about it either. Respect our children's bodies and minds and let them choose who they give affection to AND model for them appropriate affection.

What? You thought the feminism label on the blog was the silent undertone? Hardly. I am the mother of two bright and beautiful girls and a lovely boy. Consent is one of the most valuable lessons there is. Hug your children today, give them a million kisses, tickle them until they can't stand it.....but when they say, enough, no, stop!......listen and let go. When they hesitate to hug an aunt they have never met, don't force them to. When they act or even say they are uncomfortable around a certain cousin, let them follow their gut and keep their distance. Do not let people who are known child abusers babysit just because they will do it for free.

Let us do better by our children and really teach them consent.

Taking The Kids Out to Eat

As part of teaching my children to be well adjusted and polite members of our community, we eat out once a week. Usually on grocery day, but instead today was just a treat for working so hard on the farm this morning. Chad was gone and we had to do all of his morning farm chores. This required all three children to do extra work and cooperate. It also meant that I didn't have time to cook lunch. We came under budget on our weekly shopping, so I felt I could justify the $15 for all of us to eat lunch. It was lovely!

Couple things we do: we bring crayons and doodle mats if we know the place won't have them. This one did. We play tic tac toe, name three things, and free draw. I usually have to remind them of their manners if they get squirrely. The thing adults often forget about children? They actually do not want to embarrass anyone or themselves, they want to be civil, but they don;t know all the rules yet and even if you have told them a million times, they are kids and may not remember. I gently remind, usually Holly, that even though she is excited...she needs to sit and eat because we have a limited amount of time. The booth next to us may well want to see her song and dance she just made up. Don't assume they don't. Still, time is in short supply and food is yummy.

I keep my calm. I redirect. I model for them saying please and thank you but I do not force them to. They see me and they follow that lead.

We practise at times that are not busy so that when we ever end up somewhere more formal or more chaotic, they have practised and know what to expect. I need that as an adult, why wouldn't a child also need that?

I often hear folks online complain about kids in eateries or other public spaces. Not all kids are like the crazy explosion of childhood described. Even so, that parent probably really needs a break from cooking food and cleaning up, so just be graceful and continue on, ok?

Today, this was our lunch. We played games, talked about fancy lettering and scripts, played name three things that are onomatopoeia, and then talked about what kinds of meals they would like Chad to feed them on nights I am not home. Not tacos, they said. They want lasagna, fried eggs, and cheese noodles only. As an afterthought, pizza. Eggs reminded them that we are out, so we called our local egg friend and picked up 10 dozen. We eat a lot of eggs. One dozen will be just one breakfast alone. We did some math with how much money we had and her two types of eggs and prices......pullets are less expensive but smaller vs regular eggs at full price. So a wee bit of math. We ended up with all pullets! 10 dozen! Lily estimated that it would be the better egg for dollar option and.....she was right!

So that was our lunch out. Isaac only ran from the table once and Lily caught him and redirected while I was putting on my coat. He's three. It happens.

One more thing, Holly looks sad in this picture. I had no idea until I uploaded them! She was all smiles and I didn't expect such a somber look from my sunshine girl.

Supplies for a Well Stocked First Aid Kit for Homesteaders: Guest Post over at Simplify, Live, Love

I am Danelle, mother and farmer at the Stamps Family Farm. I write about my family's adventures in sustainable farming, special needs parenting, and learning to cook over at My Total Perspective Vortex.

 In 2009 we moved to a 40 acre farm in Southern Iowa with no experience and a BIG dream! Our blog is the story of how that happened and how we live our way through it and all the blessings that have happened along the way.  We now have a llama, Icelandic sheep, pigs, a cow or two, ducks, chickens, peafowl, cats, dogs, a parrot, and a corn snake.....oh and thousands of bees! SO MANY BEES.

On our journey we have had many mishaps, many bloody mishaps. This has caused me to slowly and thoroughly revise the contents of my first aid kit. I'm not talking about choosing one bandage brand over another, rather, changing the way I look at emergencies all together.

We live 5 miles from the nearest hospital. That hospital is not a trauma centre. Emergency care will require life flight to the nearest urban hospital 65 miles away. Our fire department is 5 miles away and crewed by volunteers. The one time we have had to call them out to our farm, the response time was 3 minutes. THREE MINUTES. When we lived in the city, 10-15 minutes was standard even living blocks from the station.

No, in the countryside I live in, the local farmers drop their tools and run to help. Lucky for us, our event was not life threatening or even bloody. Lily (age 6 at the time) was wedged in a hole and could not escape it, nor could I pull her out. It took five full grown men, firemen at that, to dislodge her. She was not in danger of dying, not bleeding out, just scared and angry.

The bloody events at our farm have involved livestock and it was those experiences that led me to rethink what supplies I needed for my kit.

1) Bandaids are useless. The are psychological tricks made for calming freaked out toddlers. Ok, not really, and I do keep a box on hand, but they are not much good in a real emergency.

What do I use instead? Disposable Diapers. One side is absorbent and the other non stick. Pair that with "med wrap" which is a stretchy bandage that sticks to itself and you have a decent blood stopping bandage. We have 10 rolls of it on hand. That is why I keep disposable diapers in my glove box and first aid kit. We had to wrap a ewe's (sheep) leg after a predator attack and this was the bandage the vet told us to use. The local pharmacy didn't carry sterile pads or gauze big enough. A real wound would need more than a 2x2 square. If I am doing field triage for livestock or people, I need to plan for it to be big enough. That may buy us enough time for help to arrive.

2) For our livestock we use "vet spray" to clean wounds. It is basically a gel alcohol with a numbing agent. It could technically work on people, in theory is a good solution for skinned knees of children running by....but the local pharmacy carries a similar and wildly more expensive wound spray that is approved for people. So use that one. Vinegar works pretty well too, but stings.

Basically, clean the wound (soap and water works well) pat dry and then bandage if necessary.

3) Epi pen. We keep bees. None of us need an epi pen, but a guest might and minutes count. For minor stings without anaphylactic shock, clean the sting site after the stinger is removed (or bite site since some wasps bite instead of sting). I apply a gel benedryl directly to the bite. I find this more effective than oral dosing. I keep the oral on hand for our cat though. She has had an allergic reaction to a vaccine and has to have this. The same is possible for people, but we've never had to dose for it.

4) Honey. Honey has a lot of good things going for it. We keep honey sticks on hand for electrolytes for people in heat stroke or shock AND for livestock in shock. I learnt this trick from a our goat keeping friend walking us through our first traumatic night after a coyote pack attacked our sheep. If we could keep them from going into shock, they might survive. In a major accident, the same is true for people.

5) We also have a variety of things on hand for the livestock: needles and syringes, injectable penicillin, various vitamins and minerals that can save their lives based on specific illness or trauma, wormer, iodine, lube, and pesticide sprays (animal safe, screw worm is the stuff of nightmares).

There are not human equivalents for these, but generally if people need these they can get them once under care of a physician. Livestock care requires quite a lot of instances where the vet is on the phone ans tells us to administer xyz. 

6) Industrial BURN GEL. Water-Jel is the brand. This is what Chad was given when he worked with giant print machines and it works like a miracle. We have a wood stove and Chad has had one too many mishaps with hot engine and electric arcs. I have scars all over my hand from oven grates and cast iron pan handles. Ugh. We buy this in bulk and have travel packets.

7) I have a lot of other things in our people kit too. Scissors, rubber bands, tums, razor blade, tweezers, coconut oil, asprin, advil, rash cream, alcohol wipes, floss, eye flush, nasal saline, ear cones, baking soda, citric acid, and mineral oil. Peroxide for puncture wounds. Customize for your own needs. I also have a lot of tinctures and herbal salves. Those are not for bloody, call 911, emergencies though.

I do know this though, the pre-made kit that can be bought at the grocery store won't cut it at our farm.

I would also recommend taking first responder classes when the opportunity presents. Get CPR trained. Even consider full on EMT certification. Technology has certainly changed the landscape of emergency care and first response, but the memories of my aunt's rural farm in the 1980's haunt me. There were no cell phones. She owned her own ambulance and firetruck. She was a paramedic. If she had not been medically trained so many people would have died. Too often car accidents on tristy rural roads had tragic endings, more would have been worse if my aunt had not been there. Now, cell phones and GPS and helicopters make for better outcomes, but I would not rely too much on such things. Helicopters can't fly in a blizzard and cell phone reception is still iffy out on the prairies.

 
So, what would you add?