In a quiet contemplation I realized a couple things: I am over complicating.
What that means to me is complicated, go figure.
In my search to find homeschool community I subscribed and became active in 3 local groups and a couple yahoo threads. I did this to test the waters, but I don't easily let go of things even when they are not working out. They are not working out. I jumped right in to planning and organizing and yada yada. In all but one group I was made to feel silly or excluded because my kid is only 3. All but one. Tag alongs that age and younger are welcome, but I don't have older kids so she's not a tag along and therefore not welcome? Huh?
So why do I keep going at it? Why not only go and pour energy into the one group that has always welcomed us with open arms? Why face the anxiety whenever this issue rears its head? Just to test myself? Bah. Release.
So, hopefully without burning bridges, I unsubscribed and downsized my profile on all but one group. I think it's the right choice for us and somewhere down the line maybe we'll step back in. The whole tag along logic thing is just too much for me to handle. It doesn't make sense. It is not fair. It is not "unschooly" group dynamic and I think that is the root of the problem for us. I just don't think Lil'Bug should be stuck with preschooler type activities if she is ready for more challenging learning. She's 3, but has mad verbal skills and can keep up with the 5-6 year olds. In playgroups that is who she plays with. I have a problem with age segregation on many different levels. It just seems so random, especially at that age where children all have varying skills and abilities and a brain spurt can happen overnight. Especially when we are life long learners and learning from life. I just don't feel welcomed in a group that doesn't welcome my child. I don't like that aspect of our society that separates our children from the world (and us) and designates things based on age instead of abilities.
I also have over complicated, perhaps defensively, my search for friendship. Instead of really making new connections and fostering them, I opted for group activities and hosting events. I think February and March will be a time for us to make more one on one play dates and really get to know people personally. This means, perhaps, that I should tidy the house up a bit. :) Lil'Bug prompted this by saying she doesn't want to just play, she wants to play with friends.
Then, what seems like out of the blue, I was asked to sit on a board for a homeschool advocacy/lobby group. Wow. I did serve on 3 statewide boards in my previous career and worked with non profits and marched our state capitol, etc. That's why I was asked, I'm sure. I know how it works and how to play the game. The thing is, I also know how much time it takes and how much time it takes away from my family. It is why I resigned from all the other advocacy work I did. However, this is important work and longterm. So this week, I am careful considering how that would factor with the baby on the way.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Its funny how age segregation creeps into our lives or is present without realizing it. Even if kids play well with kids of other ages, where do our comfort levels allow us to go? I am honestly not okay right now with my 5 yr old playing with a 12 yr old, but what about a 9-10 yr old? Where is the cut off? I think kids can find it on their own usually...
ReplyDeleteWe are in a "littles" unschooling group in our area, b/c the members of most unschooling groups in the area are almost all teenagers at this point, doing their own thing and not needing parents to plan as much...and there was resistance to planning activities that really work better for elementary/preschool kids vs. teenagers in the other group but where is the cut off there? And why? One mom has 2 yr old twins, a 6 yr old and a 9 yr old. Her 9 yr old is the oldest in the group and kind of bored at some stuff, its just so tricky. But why isn't the 7 yr old friend she has in the group enough? I get so boggled by it all sometimes.
Good choice on cutting out groups where you aren't welcome and simplifying some stuff. Hope it leads to great stuff.
Wow a homeschool/lobby group! Awesome! That doesn't fall whatsoever in my category of things I can do, so from my perspective its great to have passionate, knowledgeable people considering taking something like that on.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on the age segregation, but what makes me nervous is when my K wants to play with older boys at the park (9, 10, 12, and etc>). It doesn't bother me because of the age difference, but because these children usually end up making my boy cry. They are usually schooled children who don't want to play with anyone younger than they are. They have already been taught segregation. And they always seem to rejoice in leading on and then hurting my little one who just wants to play and doesn't understand their dynamics or the cruel game they are playing with him. So, unless it's a child I know, I have learned to steer K away from the older children while on outings.
ReplyDelete