I have been harboring some negative thoughts and feelings and it's time to cut anchor.
Mostly, I have found myself judging and resentful toward people I know I admire, but have somehow let me down. Other moms, making their way in the world, just like me. Today, I found myself verbalizing some of these feelings to a friend (and spouse) and it was awful. It felt bad to me and the kind ears listening. I am so sorry.
Upon reflection, perhaps this is but a step in my journey. I realized quickly what these feelings were doing to me and once I was home and in the quiet, I understood them better. It is easier to feel put out and judgmental than to work at friendships with people who are living different lives than what we choose. It is not about homeschooling or not, believing or not, mindful about food or not- the root of it all is my creating walls to protect myself from the vunerability of friendship. In reality, I am still hurting.
So, while I am cutting anchor to the feelings and letting them go to sea, I am swimming back to shore to the picnic.
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I'm finding myself in a similar spot. It is easier to be judgemental than work through things...and for me, the things that I judge people most on is what I'm afraid to deal with in myself. It's uncomfortable to evaluate and change.
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing a good job realizing things and owning up to them...and then moving in a better direction for yourself. :)