Dancing Barefoot in the Snow, Recovered

 Sometimes life can get overwhelming. I read this week about a friend who used to sword fight barefoot in the snow and she said it wasn't so bad if you keep moving. (Hopes she reads this and then reminds me who she is so I can give proper credit! I think it was.....someone in Iowa City?)

Yes.

That is what I feel like. If I keep moving, it doesn't hurt so much. If I am always learning, doing, dancing, playing.....then the things in my life that hurt will just fade into the background and I can keep fighting the dragons (and the windmills) that threaten to swallow me whole.

Special needs parenting is hard. If I stop and think, what will life be like in 10 years, I get burned alive with worry. Worry that ruins my today. Jealousy? For so many of my special needs parenting friends it can be devastating and paralysing to see the lives that others are leading, lives that they wanted for their family but will never have. I'm not there yet. I still can't imagine that Isaac's life won't be completely beautiful and that anyone could exclude or harm him. I mean, I know it is possible, but it isn't real yet because it has never really happened. When he was one, the fact that he was just barely crawling made some lady at a birthday party embarrassed that she asked how old he was, but that barely counts. You know? Yeah. I know in my head that worse is yet to come for all three of my children, but it has not happened yet so I can still believe in faeries and unicorns.

Farming is hard. I can't even think more than one season ahead right now, because weather and predation, and customer base determine what will happen year to year. We have to plan ahead, prepare for both the best and the worst and keep moving. It helps that we have amazing customers who support our efforts and cheer us on like family. We are so grateful for that. So grateful. Y'all have no idea how much that means to us.

Marriage is hard. Everyday we work on encouraging the gifts, talents, and interests that we both have. We work on better parenting our children together. We plan. We prepare. Like the farm though, things can change in a blink of an eye (farm accidents are on my mind right now as my neighbour is currently in the hospital after a life threatening accident) and if we dwell too much on the what ifs, we can't grow in the present. Just keep those feet moving and swords and plough shares sharp.

So my practise has been to stay in the moment, find the simple joys in the day we are in. Photograph it if I can. I have talked a couple times about this blog being love letters to my children. I mean that. I hope that if they ever have only these writings to know me by, that they will know they are loved and cherished. Knowing that is so important as you set off into the world. You know?

So that said, here are a few beauties from today.

I love this green on the fresh split maple. Maple is my favourite wood to burn, makes the house smell like caramel.

Holly loves My Little Ponies. She also loves dumping things out.

Isaac was figuring out if a golf ball fit in the trap door. It did. Over and over again.

Lily worked on Christmas gifts. She told me the best part of Christmas is making and giving gifts. She will probably do this for the next 3 months. Seriously. She loves it so much.

We sorted crayons, clay, scissors, and paper today.

Isaac's favourite cars.

Holly suited up and played outside for almost 3 hours. She knocked icesicles off of things, broke ice sheets, and made snow goblins.

Then she came inside and got to work building me a stationary bike. Love that girl.

Every day is a chance to start over, breathe deep in gratitude. Things may look impossible tomorrow and they may even be impossible, but I try not to let it ruin today. I am grateful for my friends, for my "secret gang of girls in my phone" (thanks Naptime is For Drinking for giving it a name), for pie, for snow, for firewood, for little boy laughs and smiles, for "Itsy Bitsy Spider", and for my family.

I am thankful for both my daughters. They make me laugh and cry and dance with joy.

I am thankful for an abundance of food.

I am thankful for our farm. I love this house, I love the warmth and the design and the location. Since I am home bound through most of the winter, I am also thankful that I enjoy living here.

I am thankful I can read. To build on that, I am thankful for an abundance of books. I will be reading a lot this winter.

I an thankful for good friends, both near and far.  Friends that I can count on and friends that I can just be me with. Sometimes that includes the frustrated, angry me. True friends, including my lovely husband, take us for who we are and not just on the sunshiny days. I think that most people might only have the kind of friend that walks on eggshells and is always nice. That's nice too, but when things get rough it is really good to have the kind of friends that will just let you be angry or sad or weepy or cranky and still be your friend. You know?

I am thankful for my husband.

Every day we say what we are thankful for at our meals together. It was really got me thinking about how gratitude brings peace to the table.

What are you grateful for?