Don't Feed The Fears

We started this day thinking it was Sample Sunday market day. I had the dates confused. Lily was very sad to find out my mistake so we went to church, then I took her to lunch, and when we got home we made dinner together.

Then we headed out, just the two of us on a walk and to the pond.

Lily on the boat is not big news. Lily is a natural. She loves fishing, swimming, just being outside. I do too, mostly. The problem is boats. I hate boats. I hate being on them.

 Lily was calm and reassuring. Why? Because this, being on a boat, scares the crap out of me.

But goodness, we have this gorgeous pond in our back yard. I have three beautiful children to model being a capable, rational human being for. Tonight I decided to get over this fear of mine.

This fear is rooted in my childhood. My family also loved the water. I would have to go along. I would get sunburned, really bad sunburned. I have scars from it on my chest.

We took a rafting trip when I was a teenager. It was the trip from hell. All I wanted to do was read a book and be left alone. 8 hours on a raft in a polluted stinky river with the wind blowing upstream all in the name of bonding. It was incredibly disrespectful to me as a human being to force close quarter interaction with people that didn't like me, doing an activity that caused me pain (sunburn), when I was old enough to be left at home. Eventually, I got out and pushed that raft from hell downstream to our exit point. I also got a raging urinary tract infection that lasted weeks. Horror show.

No wonder I hate boats and rafts and murky water.

Tonight, that is over for me. I am choosing to get on the boat with this beautiful young lady who does not hate me, who finds joy in the water and my company.  I am capable. Bonus was that rowing, something I have never done before, is good exercise.

I survived. I did better than that. I thrived. We floated in the middle, watched wood ducks in their nesting tree, the sun set, turtles splashed, and we laughed and talked and laughed.....on a boat. I am so blessed by this child and her sense of humour and wisdom.

Tonight I healed a little bit more.