Birthday Parties Part 2

My birthday, 31st, is this week.

What does this mean to me exactly? Nada. I don't measure age by chronological years, but ability, experience, and readiness. This quirk of mine is really getting me in trouble when I try to sign Lil'Bug up for stuff to do locally. They go by birthdays. Period. Bah and unfair. There was a preschool we once considered because they set their admission criteria by ability and not age. She was ready for enrollment at a little less than 2 (potty training, walking, language skills were all included in the criteria). Still, I was unsure that it was the right place for her even if it was more right than other places.

We all gain understanding and experience at different time from different things, why does a yearly marker matter so much? Why is it so important that so and so is 5 and her friend is 12? Obviously, there are unhealthy relationships at all ages and, as parents, we have to be careful about some friendship parings but overall there are times when multi age groups are ideal and healthier than age segregation.

So, back to the birthday thing. I usually forgo parties and revelry for a quiet night at home. Presents at our house are given year round, as delight driven instead of event driven (though we do still do major holidays for kid and others). Birthdays growing up for me were complicated, as I was an odd duck at school, parties were either parents did the inviting or no one showed up. Neither was pleasant. I didn't even go to my sweet 16 because I was not even asked who to invite and no one on the guest list was anyone I knew. It wasn't about me. I'm not really a party person anyway, the noise freaks me out a little (image crowded mall at Christmastime effect).

I bought myself a gift this year, a necklace. Husband replaced some small kitchen stuff for me and we bought a Wii. So it feels like I am rolling in new stuff without having a big to do. My favorite birthday ever was the trip to Lincoln we took in 1998 where Dearest Husband bought my wedding ring from an antique store in the Haymarket district. He gave it to me then as a birthday present, promising to propose later. His reasoning was that I could keep it if something happened, where just an engagement ring has to be returned. Also, he wasn't ready to propose yet. I was cool with that, sort of. It all worked out. My other favorite birthday was my 28th, when Lil'Bug was just a babe. We stayed at home. New baby cuddled with me on the couch. Lovely.

This year, we are just too busy to do anything at all for birthday. We have stuff to do- doctor appointments, play dates, swimming time, field trips- every single day of the week. I actually love busy weeks, since they feel like more gets done and with us out so much, the house stays tidier.

Today we are of to an unschoolers open house/freecycle day, then a craft activity at the library, and after that Lil'Bug goes to grandma's while we head to Bradley class. Yippee!

Photo Challenge 6- Cherish

In honor of the calendar's theme for the week.........

Simplifying

In a quiet contemplation I realized a couple things: I am over complicating.

What that means to me is complicated, go figure.

In my search to find homeschool community I subscribed and became active in 3 local groups and a couple yahoo threads. I did this to test the waters, but I don't easily let go of things even when they are not working out. They are not working out. I jumped right in to planning and organizing and yada yada. In all but one group I was made to feel silly or excluded because my kid is only 3. All but one. Tag alongs that age and younger are welcome, but I don't have older kids so she's not a tag along and therefore not welcome? Huh?

So why do I keep going at it? Why not only go and pour energy into the one group that has always welcomed us with open arms? Why face the anxiety whenever this issue rears its head? Just to test myself? Bah. Release.

So, hopefully without burning bridges, I unsubscribed and downsized my profile on all but one group. I think it's the right choice for us and somewhere down the line maybe we'll step back in. The whole tag along logic thing is just too much for me to handle. It doesn't make sense. It is not fair. It is not "unschooly" group dynamic and I think that is the root of the problem for us. I just don't think Lil'Bug should be stuck with preschooler type activities if she is ready for more challenging learning. She's 3, but has mad verbal skills and can keep up with the 5-6 year olds. In playgroups that is who she plays with. I have a problem with age segregation on many different levels. It just seems so random, especially at that age where children all have varying skills and abilities and a brain spurt can happen overnight. Especially when we are life long learners and learning from life. I just don't feel welcomed in a group that doesn't welcome my child. I don't like that aspect of our society that separates our children from the world (and us) and designates things based on age instead of abilities.

I also have over complicated, perhaps defensively, my search for friendship. Instead of really making new connections and fostering them, I opted for group activities and hosting events. I think February and March will be a time for us to make more one on one play dates and really get to know people personally. This means, perhaps, that I should tidy the house up a bit. :) Lil'Bug prompted this by saying she doesn't want to just play, she wants to play with friends.

Then, what seems like out of the blue, I was asked to sit on a board for a homeschool advocacy/lobby group. Wow. I did serve on 3 statewide boards in my previous career and worked with non profits and marched our state capitol, etc. That's why I was asked, I'm sure. I know how it works and how to play the game. The thing is, I also know how much time it takes and how much time it takes away from my family. It is why I resigned from all the other advocacy work I did. However, this is important work and longterm. So this week, I am careful considering how that would factor with the baby on the way.

I missed it

I missed the Cloth Diaper Crowd's "garage sale". I am really bummed. I meant to go, I put it on my calendar, then the day came and went. Stupid calendar.

Really, what I wanted to do was see what was what. They have these fancy, just like disposables but you wash them, all in ones. Also, there are variations in between that and folded cloth squares. I just wanted to see and then maybe get some cheap diapers too. But, alas, I missed it.

Well, 4 more months to check it out!