New Parent Anxiety.
A problem condition fed by well meaning relatives, hospital staff, and parenting books. When applied in small doses, learning may occur. When triggered by a small piece of paper sent home from the hospital, it can lead to tears, feelings of inadequacy, and sleepless nights.
Case in point:
I knew we needed to work on breastfeeding skills. That is why I went and got the silicon nipple covers. I knew Blueberry wasn't feeding enough and was sleeping too much, at least more than Lil'Bug ever did. I was reassured that some newborns actually do sleep through the night and that most newborns sleep, eat, and poop all day and all night and sometimes all three at the same time.
When we started to unpack stuff from our hospital stay I found the breastfeeding/poop log. On the top was a guide to how much and what kind of poop we should see.
Yeah. No. She was still pooping like a day old newborn instead of a week old. ????? She was slightly jaundice when we checked out of the hospital, so not pooping is really bad news. She's peeing enough, so not dehydrated, but still. So then I felt all twisted inside, my heart hurt- I had let the poor feedings go on too long! I had relished the 6 hours of sleeping instead of questioning how hard it was to wake her up to eat. I am the worst mom in the whole world. My poor baby.
Really, I had already addressed the problem and her feeding is WAY better, even more than recommended (as in every 2 hours) and she is now pooping A LOT of the right color poop. But still, last night was really rough. Lots of tears. Dearest was great support, but I know he was/is feeling the anxiety too.
Tomorrow's well baby visit cannot come fast enough.
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I didn't really breastfeed so I don't know what to say to that except I'm thinking of you of sending positive vibes your way!
ReplyDeleteLLL was always a huge help for me. I'm sure they will be for you too. I'll be thinking lots of good thoughts for the two of you.
ReplyDeleteYou are not a bad mother! You know your baby better than anyone else ever could. She is feeding better now and tomorrow you'll be able to make sure she's fine.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself a much needed break and let yourself go back to enjoying your newest joy.
Jaundice sucks, but the more she eats the faster she will get rid of it. It will make her sleepy, which can make feedings challenging, but not impossible. Hang in there. You are doing fine. Anxiety is natural. Heck I still have it every day.
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