Today we met with the doula. Very cool. I will actually have 2 doulas this time, but C. is the doula that attended Lil'Bug's birth. We got caught up and such. Good stuff.Then Lil'Bug got an idea in the afternoon: she wanted to buy Daddy a gift, with her own money, and her own choosing. I agreed and off we went to the mall. Gah. I hate malls. I hate malls more at holiday madness time. The crowds, the noise, the sensory overload of perfume and frantic tension, and all of the other things that go with mallness totally induce panic in me. I can navigate it better than in past years especially if my focus is on Lil'Bug but it is not something I would do casually. At the mall she chose her gift, I went after the clearance shoes previously mentioned (now marked down to 9$!!!!), and we headed for the pseudo-playground known as the playplace.....
There was an incident involving parents behaving badly and overreacting. So we left and did something else. She was on the verge of tears on the way home- insisting that she didn't do what they said.
I believe her. I also think that it was a matter of miscommunication. She was touching or trying to move a littler kid- they say "pushing"- she says, no, moving. Matter of words and exact definition. I still think they were overacting. Also, not cool to touch my kid. Very not cool to pick her up. Yelling? Argh. Grrrr.
Where does that leave us? I left not as a punishment to her, but to remove her from a situation where two adults were losing their cool. My assessment was that it was not a safe environment because of the adults. She asked if we would ever go back. I don't know. I prefer play arrangements where she knows the children involved and the parents know us. The whole thing leaves me unsettled. Usually it's me with the good kid, today it was other parents labeling her and us as "bad". Yuck. I'd like to chalk it up to holiday tensions. She's a lively, funny, outgoing kid. She plays like she is. The pushing, shoving thing really bothers me. She used to be a biter too but outgrew that. I think that she will outgrow this as well, but I dislike the situations that arise: her lying (to try and avoid unwanted consequences), her hurting. I kept my cool. That's good (and a first) but I don't think I communicated with Lil'Bug exactly how I wanted to or should have.
I hate malls.
My advice, stay away from malls. They are just yucky. I know. This is not a grown up adjective, but they really are yucky.
ReplyDeleteAs far as you and your daughter, we all know that you are really down right evil. You probably told her to go push that little kid. Didn't you? And then you laughed. Didn't you? Just kidding. She is at a fun age where she is learning how to get along with others. Some of us never grow out of that stage. The moms you were dealing with over reacted and had no right to touch your child.
Chalk it up to holiday stress and enjoy a nice cup of tea.
By the way the baby is a.....
Just kidding!
I'm sure your daughter didn't have any ill intentions, she's so little. It's hard for them to communicate what they want and one of the junior mall rats was probably in her way. My youngest was and is still very physical in the way he communicates and we just deal with it as calmly as possible, letting him know the alternative and hugging him when things have gotten heated. She is exactly what you said - lively and outoing. It will serve her well down the line.
ReplyDeleteKeep out of the mall. No good can come from that dark place. ;)
Keep away from the mall!
ReplyDeleteI have seen parental smackdowns each of the (rare) times I go, and it makes me crazy.
It sounds like your experience escalated to an unacceptable point, and that's really too bad when you're talking about adults who *should* be more reasonable than the kids they're watching.
some little kid could roundhouse kick one of mine, and I still wouldn't react so strongly.
I've found that parent's at McDonalds playplaces are much more reasonable...if you can stomach the food environment. ;)