Tiny Time Lords and Chaos

With so much chaos going on all over the world, so much war and destruction and suffering, we are blessed to live in a land of plenty. We are grateful to have food, shelter, and health. I don't mean America or even Iowa, I mean that we are blessed in this little bubble of our farm. Some of our own neighbours do not have food security, one is currently in the ICU in recovery from a farm accident, and daily news headlines read about school lock downs, tornado destruction, and suffering.

We are blessed and we are careful not to take this for granted.

We do our best to meet our children's needs: physical, intellectual, and emotional. When humans feel safe, loved, and are well nourished they evolved to create art and pursue higher thinking beyond survival. When these needs fall short, we revert to survival mode. Knowing this about our natural make up, I set out to make sure that their needs are fully met.

For the last two days I could not get these children out of the dress up closet and into regular clothes. They played and played in their own little world, made their own meals, laughed at the food I set out, and got to know each other better.

People in a family forget sometimes that we are always evolving as people, and because of this, we must constantly get to know each other. This is doubly true for children as they learn and get to know themselves! Nay, 100 times true. They often turn from their parents and to their peers and that is why teenagers could feel distant from the family unit. I remember thinking as a teen that my family didn't get me, they didn't know me, and came to the conclusion that they didn't love me. I still don't know if those conjectures were born in truth or simply teen angst because those relationships never recovered from those years.

I intend that my children never feel that way. I know that I am not a Time Lord and have not the power of playing with fate like playdough, but as a mother, I must try. If I fail, I hope that I have given them enough space to form strong and healthy relationships with others, including their siblings. That is the purpose of the crazy days we have had, while they look unstructured and feel frustrating at times to the order of my house (gah, the mess!), they are so, so valuable. So important. So critical to their emotional health.

That is my mantra while the three of them tore through time and space and leave destruction in their wake, leaving me to wonder how much Time Lord they might have in them.....this is so important, this is critical to their personhood, this is part of their growing and thriving.

So if I seem like a crazy lady, muttering this as I follow the mess from room to room, picking up gobs of yellow feathers, legos, toy aeroplanes, and washing so so many bowls used for tea party and salsa snacks......please just hand me a coffee and chocolate and tell me I am right. Please and thank you.

Unsolicited Advice Via the Grocery Store

Courtesy of Jennifer at Herbalist Eats.  Thanks for the great think this morning!

My children go grocery shopping with me. They have done this since Lily was about 10 months old. Before that I was terrified of shopping alone with a baby. I constantly thought I would break her. It wasn't until I mastered the ring sling and was shamed into it that I dared even attempt it. I had to grocery shop for the museum I worked at and would go on my lunch break so I could also get my own shopping done at the same time ALONE.

I was shamed into it because the day care provider I used had an emergency and when I managed to get off work and go get Lily, my car was full of groceries and she thought I had stopped and grocery shopped while she waited for me to get there to get my kid so she could take hers to the emergency room. Why couldn't I have taken Lily?

Because I couldn't. I just couldn't. Terrified.

Part of it was that I was terrified of taking my baby alone out anywhere. Getting her to daycare on my own was a feat of miracles. She was so heavy. She was also so breakable.

So when I did finally venture out, first with Chad along, and then on my own, strangers' criticizing was devastating. Mind blowing crushing emotional disaster zone. If I put shoes on Lily, "Oh baby's feet should be bare!"....if I left them bare, "Oh she'll be too cold and get a chill and get sick!" AND DIE. In July when temperatures outside slid into the 100's. For real.

Babywearing helped and harmed. "She'll never learn to walk!" She'll be dependent on me forever and never talk, walk, or wipe her own butt. Those are real fears for a new mom. Lily however had other plans. She often would respond right back, sassy and all, "NO, NEVER!" I could hold her close and recover my own heartbeat and confidence, snuggled to my heart in her sling.

Fast forward to now, three kids, one who doctors actually thought might never walk and folks were fine with blaming the baby carriers we used and not his genetic condition. Thank God I was a lot more confident by then!

At the local coffee house I got scolded for not offering him food too when he was 4 months old and exclusively breastfed and then again scolded when I offered him yogurt at age 15 months. In between was a constant volley back and forth of me being polite while sucking down the coffee my kids so aptly named, "The child saver brew." Thanks kids. (Mocha caramel latte with whipped cream and three cherries on top. )

At the grocery store things were different. People commented freely on our vegetable choices. On the contents of my cart. The cashiers actually thought we were vegetarians because I NEVER buy grocery store meat. Nope. Not ever. Except for the meat on frozen pizza and the occasional alligator fillets. More comments about bare baby feet. For real people. Comments assuming we used foodstamps, even though we didn't.

It got me thinking....maybe the problem isn't overly intrusive strangers and creepers. Maybe it is just the way we make small talk? In general? We comment on things. We try to share our secret stash of food and parenting knowledge. The cashier might have been on foodstamps herself and looking for that connection too. We try and say, here, let me help because what we really mean is here, I am lonely, please look me in the eye and make me feel less invisible? 

Because I get that. I get that so deeply in my core. Even now, as motherhood joyously skips into the next phase and era and I am no longer breastfeeding and rarely babywear in public, I am losing that badge of identity that says to other moms, "Hey, I'm in your club. I'm on your side. I know." I am flickering out of that public view and needing to still make connections with others, grasping at that. I almost drove around the block and rolled down my window just to yell, "Hey, AWESOME BABY CARRIER!" to a local mom in our small town, but then froze, because creeper. I drove home. I still have no idea who she is, just that someone else in my small town gets the benefits of babywearing. Sigh.

So now when folks approach me and my gaggle of kids, often in full dress up and theatrical mode, at the grocery, offering inedible strange advice, I introduce myself and my children and tell them about whatever ingredients I am buying. I make eye contact and smile. We become less invisible.

Fixer Holly

We had to build a deck and steps to the porch for the freezer inspection coming up. Chad asked, "Anyone want to help?" and Holly was out the door, coat in hand, hopped in her boots. She was so excited! She is five, but from experience, we know that she is actually a helper and is very careful around power tools. Our friend Jessica comes to the farm regularly and has given Holly a lot of one on one instruction about them (though Holly is still not allowed to touch them, ever). Holly can hold a board steady, hold the end of a measuring tape, and mark lines with a pencil. She can also run for help if anyone slices their arm off. See? Very useful.  Chad also teaches her the proper names for tools and what they are each for. Holly is adorable, smart, and capable of building big things.

Eggless Pancakes With Sorghum

Eggless and natural sugar pancakes 
Recipe

2 cups of flour
2 cups of milk
2 T of Sorghum
1 teaspoon of salt
1 T of baking powder
1 T of vanilla extract
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
Coconut oil for frying

Mix all the ingredients together.

Pour into hot pan with coconut oil and flip when one side gets bubbly.
Easy enough for my 9 year old to make. We are not allergic to eggs, we are just in a war with our chickens and they are holding out on us. Ha!