Level Up

This year has been a "level up" for me in many ways.

I am not the mother of an infant anymore.

I am nearing the end of my days as a nursing mother too.

Our farm is starting to settle and evolve into what it will best function as and move forward with an established customer base.

Housework has shifted, both girls are capable and willing most of the time to assist and make things clean and tidy, both show pride in their work too.

Chad's job has changed too and is about to level up again.

My job had some complications, one day I was in tears because it was pretty clear that I would be without income in the Spring. Not because of my performance, but because of the economic shifts happening and the contract nature of my job.

Well, good, I thought. I am burned out anyway.

Then my friends Breann and Holly both sent me a notes and encouragement that began posing this question: "What is your ideal job/situation?" And I began to frame the question in my mind and the answers around it.

Ideally-
1) I'd like to have more time for my kids. They are getting less of me and it shows.
2) Online.
3) I'd like to teach history instead of English, at least for a while.
4) I'd like time to work on my writing.

 I also liked my job and was sad at the prospect of downsizing.

So, first I stopped getting emotional about it. Being in  that state I could not actively and rationally frame what I wanted and advocate for myself. Second, I started talking to people. I started small. Began writing my CV, which I had never done before. I asked for help with it. I began looking for the kind of places I wanted to work and checking out the HR pages for job openings. Then I sent emails to my current employer asking about options and also help with the CV.

Soon, I had my old job back in place. Seriously. It was all a misunderstanding. Then I also had a new opportunity which is fantastic. I got up in the morning excited to go to work. It wasn't online and it wasn't easy- but my mind is being nourished, I am learning as I go, AND it was history.

I am making progress with finding a publisher for my book, I finished it too, maybe. Ha! I also started the next one, and I have it 3/4 completed already. Enough to send it as a proof to a publisher too.

I identified some key changes that needed to be made at home with my own time and priorities.

So far, things are tidier (not perfect though) and we are better fed.

I am reading more, specifically history books. I am drawing and painting again too.

This is the kicker though, even as I have more to do- I seem to have more time for everyone else in my life.

I am writing about this today though, because I feel particularly grateful for the friends in my life right now. Even though I could not give back 100% or even 50% in these last 2 years, struggling with family economics, Isaac's diagnosis and medical stuff, and an overloaded work schedule- instead of rejecting me and my hot mess of a life, I was embraced and encouraged by the folks in my life worth holding on to.

I'm not done yet, I am still framing this idea of what I want my days to look like. I am still in the imagination phase, but I know now what it is I want and I am making progress towards it instead of being lost in the woods. I feel generally more confident, more supported, more loved. All things that I really needed, and maybe I had all along, but now I can see clearly where to find them, how to ask for what I need. Does that make sense?

Because of all of this change and transition the last 3 years, everything is better. Everything is amazing.

So now I ask you, friends, what is your ideal job/situation? What would you like to be different in your life? What is the first step you need to take?