Photo Challenge 11: Friendship

Ok, I did it, maybe. The flickr group is set up here, but I set it as public, invitation only to post. Is that right? Should I do private? Or completely public? I don't know. I've never done flickr anything before (well, I did upload once for our local homeschool group a couple of photos......but I don't think they even showed up.....). Anyway, any suggestions would be welcome. I think you have to ask to be invited, then I approve and you can upload?

So, here's to the pool!

Oooh La Doula!

I totally forgot to write out our meeting with our Doula on Tuesday! (I DID SAY WE WERE BUSY!) Yes, Tuesday was the busiest day ever.

It went awesome. We outlined the details of where and when to meet, what things to try, etc. I am working on our birth plan right now and then I will send it to her. Sometimes I get so excited that everything is going so well, thankful for that blessing.

C. is really great. Lil'Bug was chaotic and grumpy from the afternoon, but C. handled it with grace. We even ended up talking about butter making and gardening (which reminds me, I will have to send her my butter making link.....).

So while working on the birth plan, I got a little anxious about our hospital visit. Will it be a battle to have our wishes respected? What about when it comes to baby care? I'm sure I don't want the baby to get the Hep B shot at the hospital (if at all) and I am starting to investigate the need for the Vit K shot as well. Neither my husband nor I have Hep B, and she'll be breastfeeding, so I don't really see the need for it as a tiny newborn. I do know personally a child who got very sick from Hep B so I know it is possible, but it was also a public exposure issue that our newborn won't have.

Thoughts of Today

Soon after the kids from our group started showing up, but they were the older kids. They tried to play with her but her mood had turned so dark that it was difficult to do and eventually they gave up, leaving her alone by a tree. That day was bleak.

Ah, that's just it. That is what has happened to me. Last summer I had a huge blow out with a close "friend", justified though it may have been on my part. The months following my mood has been so dark and bleak that anyone who has tried to be my friend ends up feeling drained and "leaves me by the tree".

So it really is more about me and what I am projecting. I need to get back to the place I was before last April, the happy, giving, spirited person who didn't find, search for, flaws in everything in order to back away from it. What I used to search for was what I could give people, what they needed, (often materializing something from my attic....) I don't live in a puddle, I live in an ocean of friends and opportunities. One *edited* "sea witch" should not keep me from swimming.

Also, I have come to realize that simply acknowledging the issues is not the same as releasing them. I am still kicking around some of my anger, especially on days like today. Lil'Bug is upstairs crying in her room off and on. In between she is playing happily. She's asked for some alone time, so I am just letting it unfold. I don't cry often, maybe I should, but I generally get angry instead and lash out. The heart of it is how sad I am sometimes. If I focus on that, I will lose out on some great friendships. Thank you all who emailed me and posted about the last post.

Basketball Belly

Funny. I always turn pictures of me Black and White. This is not my Photo Challenge entry, Dearest Husband took it at the park. :)