Severing Ties With the Past

This post is not about what you think it is about.

It is about my house. The house that is not my house anymore.

For 13 years I was the The Mistress of Hatton House. I need to let that go. I need to say goodbye to that part of my life. I still come across items and pin it thinking it would be perfect for the back parlour. The house doesn't even have the same floor plan now, and still I dream about walking the halls and the ghosts that haunted me when I lived there.

The empty rooms used to laugh at me when I cried longing for a baby. Infertility. PCOS. Broken systems. Not the right time.

I know why these themes are haunting me again.

Isaac is two and starting to wean. My body is returning to the phase that waits for the next baby to grow and come. That is no longer a possibility for us. Some people know when their family is complete, and I know ours isn't. That doesn't change the fact that in the course of three births and one tramautic delivery, the scaring and damage is too great to support life anymore. That makes me sad to the depths of my soul and brings me back to the tear filled heartbroken days that I longed to get pregnant, each month, each year, a let down after a burst of hope.

I have three beautiful children. The memories of this era are returning and I am grieving for the loss.

To let go of the Hatton House is to let go of that grief and move on. We left the house incomplete. The projects we started were not done, left in a state of not done, as we packed and moved on to our next adventures. In many ways we are still paying for that era, that education, and if asked, "Was it worth it?"  I will answer a million times, "Yes."

Our family is incomplete, not done, left in a state of not done, and yet we have packed up and moved on to our next adventures. I see the parallel. I feel it to the depth of my heart. I tremor with longing when I hold my friends' tiny new babies. This is hard to let go of.

I thought that writing about it might make the transition easier, maybe it will.

Drenched in Cidre, Part 3

Photo courtesy of Jessica Fisher

This is the press in action. Oh it is cool. So long ago, I had a cider press on my wish list. Now, dream is reality and the product is amazing cider juice. We pressed all day, learning as we went. 

As promised the two pictures of Chad and I together in the same frame. I can count on my hands how many pictures we have of us together, since I am usually behind the camera! Thank you Jessica for this gift!

Photo courtesy of Jessica Fisher

 

 

Photo courtesy of Jessica Fisher

We invited friends down, a bring your own apples type of party. Oh and party it was! The kids played and played and went fishing. We ate chili and drank sweet tea and eventually cider. We gave tours of the farm. It was fun.

So the technical notes on the project are as follows.....The cloth bag that the press came with got trashed in the washing machine. I destroy everything in my washer- from cloth diapers to bath towels. This was no exception. So, I bought a nylon net laundry bag and it happened to fit perfectly. Just enough slack to get good movement.

Note that there is a giant clamp on the top holding the grinder on. Do not grind whole apples. Do not let me work the crank. The two together equal broken destruction show. I guess I have a lot of upper body strength that isn't immediately obvious, or maybe the screws were installed wrong. Anyway, quarter the apples first.

Next, once the press is screwed down, do not try and keep going. Let it rest for 5 minutes at least before turning again. We cracked the wooden disc not following this rule. I think the disk was cracked before hand though, also, I spoke with an older farmer who had experience with pressing and he said that it should have been made with two discs and installed with the grain of the wood of the two running crosswise from each other. That way the natural stress of the grain of the wood is distributed. Makes sense. When we get the replacement I will inspect it for this.

I have a cast iron sausage press. It looks very similar. I think it make work for apples and for cheese. I will try it once I get it cleaned up this week.

Chad has the idea to build a Whiz Bang press.....I am very much excited about this. I am apple crazy!

Also, Isaac didn't care for peaches this summer but he is making up for it in apple consumption. Whoa buddy, is he.

Drenched in Cider, Part 2 Pictures

Photo courtesy of Jessica Fisher

Photo courtesy of Jessica Fisher

Photo courtesy of Jessica Fisher

Last Day of Summer Drenched in Cider, Part One

To celebrate the end of summer and my fantastic husband's birthday we brought home 5 bushel boxes of apples from our favourite local orchard, Berry Patch. 3 of the boxes were supposed to be for cider, but we only got through two of them. I decided that I wanted to keep back one box of macs for pie. This week has been declared mini pie week. We also brought home windfall for the pigs to eat.

So, to start......

Berry Patch Farm

Jessica and Chad, quartering apples.

Josh and Jim Curtis running the press.

 J

Holly helping.

These apples are like CANDY, Mama!

There are more pictures to come, but many were taken by other friends and I have to get permission to post them first. There is even a picture, gasp, of Chad and I together!