Fruit of Our Labor

I am nearing completion of today's tasks and I realized something. This push to move is actually getting items checked of my list from January! The north bedroom of doom is cleared of junk and actually a lovely bedroom now. The hallway is painted. Things are less cluttered and organized.

I'm not done yet, but very soon. Wow.

au Natural

I've been mulling this over for a couple months now, ever since the Natural Living Expo.

Make-Up. Cosmetics. The irony of it in the "natural"living community. There were at least three booths for cosmetics at the expo. Beauty products. And the new trend is "green" products (well, "green" everything really...." But the be your more healthy natural self crowd should really see the funny in this.

I stopped wearing even the little bit I did wear while pregnant with Blueberry because of the aluminum issue. I'm sure I wrote about this before. I packed a kit in the hospital bag, sure to have it so when guests visited I would not look like a goon.

A goon. Yes, that was my thought. Me without make-up=goon.

I was pushed to wear make up in 5th grade by a family member. Looking back I now see how sad it was that she pushed it on me, but in a way it led to growth for me. Another person took me aside and said that the pretties women in the world wear make up so that it looks like they don't.

You know, that's not even going far enough. I wanted to quit, but I always felt like my adult acne and splotchy completion was embarrassing and so on caked the foundation, if just that.

But 12 hours after Blueberry was extracted I lurched toward the bathroom to wash up and braced my hands on the sink for the first look in the mirror.

Huh. Pretty?

Yeah. I liked, for the first time in my adult life, my naked face.

Since I stopped, I still have acne but WAY less. I feel different, more confident. The downside is that I am not constantly spot checking in mirrors so sometimes I miss a streak of paint or tot launched spaghetti sauce, ect.

Another issue: since not covering them, my lips rosied up in the sunshine and stopped being constantly chapped. My eyelashes darkened up too, since they were not shielded either, became fuller since not being crimped, painted, and scrubbed. Huh. Freckles. :)

Natural. We all have flaws. Are they really less apparent hidden under a mask? Or a mound of concealer?

The comment: "I should take more time for myself." Ha. I HAVE more time for myself now that it is not spent messing with goo and worrying about lipstick. I also have more money to spend on chocolate. I also have more love for myself. My kiddos don't have to see me looking at myself in a mirror so often, wondering what they'd have to apply to be "pretty" too.

My beauty routine? Wash, rinse, repeat. Now I can afford the special soap I love. :)

ABC Meme I stole from Sharon!

A. Actively Pursuing.........a farm, a better life for my family
B. Belief........love
C. Cake or pie........apple pie!
D. Daily life........kid chaos
E. Essential item..........clothing, quilt, can you tell I am cold this AM?
F. Fluent in......... time bending
G. Grateful for.........my family
H. Hopes...........that our house will sell quickly and our move to a farm (the farm) will go smoothly
I. Indulgences...........chocolate
J. Just learned...........that I cannot cook liver.
K. Kids...........twp pretty sweet girls
L. Life isn’t complete without...........my husband
M. Marriage date...........January 1999
N. Number of brothers and sisters.............1 of each
O. Obstacles.....clutter, literally
P. Phobias..................closets, touching liver
Q. Questions............Where are my apple trees?
R. Realization..........That I am at home wherever my family is, but that I really do yearn for the life of a farm wife.
S. Simplicity............every day, a little better, soon much better.
T. Thought............fall is here, sweaters and boots in the AM and t-shirt weather in the PM.
U. Unknown.........the future and changing.
V. Vocation...........mother, professor, worrier....
W. Worst Habit.........worry
X. Xenagogue.......my aunt, who is weathering the storm in TX. She is my inspiration.
Y. Yearning.........farm fresh eggs and milk still warm from a family cow. Apple pie made with apples picked minutes ago, not months and miles. Fields of flowers.
Z. Zero Tolerance.......stupid. As in racist, parroting, or mean.

Upon Waking WIth a Baby

This post at FOILHAT made me think today. Here are my thoughts:

This week or last Blueberry was officially the same age Lil'Bug was when my maternity leave was over and I went back to work. Full time+ some+ graduate school+ volunteer work+ + +

Lil'Bug would cry and be awake all day and then sleep from when I picked her up until the next morning with a 2 hour I'm up and play session from 2am-4am. Unless I was in class at night and then she'd cry until I got home. She was a high maintaince baby, to put it gently. Or was she?

Waking up in the morning was a forced and hurried ritual of diaper change, bottle and milk gathering, dressing, loading, dressing myself and out the door. Getting home was more of the same plus laundry, studying, cleaning, and thesis work.

This past morning I realized forcefully what I had missed.

Waking gently in the morning with a babe touching my face and smiling. Giggles.
or
Waking with a ray of sunrise peeking through the curtains and watching the sweetness of my two sleeping children snuggled together.
or
a million other variations of the same.

A gentle start to the day. Pure happiness.

I got to be the one to take Blueberry to the zoo for her first visit. Watch her roll over for the first time. Get to know her during her awake times. I lost that time with Lil'Bug. I have always mourned that loss but recently I have nurtured an understanding of that loss, a wound, how deep it is.

That is a cost that can not be offset by money. By working. I am raising my children. That is my choice. I am working too, but blessed enough to do so at times they are sleeping or playing and I can set down my work when they need me.

Perhaps working moms who have always worked will never know this loss, perhaps they do. Amy said in her post that she is feeling a lot of resentment from them. Perhaps it is not what it appears to be and it is the anger phase of grief?

I don't know, can't say for certain, but I never get snotty to working moms. I assume they've weighed the options and made the best choice for themselves and/or their family. I think though, that raising children and caring for your home are very de-valued by many. I know a couple moms who homeschool just to justify continuing to stay home, to fill a void in their own worth. It is not nessecary. Raising kids is hard work. Period. Homeschooling? Piece of cake, Black Forest Chocolate layer cake with fancy frosting.......anyway, now I am hungry.

My point is this, lets not de-value others OR ourselves. Go over and give Amy a virtual hug. (Oh, and she makes soap too!)