Monday on a Tuesday

After I posted yesterday, we headed to an OB appointment. Everything is well and good. The report came back on the fibroid, it is small, has grown but not significantly. The docs don't think it will interfere in the VBAC. I am so thrilled at the medical support I am getting for my choice to VBAC! I got the ok for the Yoga I want to do and asked questions about the Bradley exercises that I am confused about.

Oh, and about that- We have decided to take the Bradley classes and there is absolutely no problem with that. They think it is great and recommended the local teacher. With the rumors circulating locally, it was a relief to hear that.

Baby's heart rate is 150/min. My weight gain is perfect, as is my BP.

So then we headed downtown to the historical museum. That was fun. It had been a while since Lil'Bug and I went someplace new without an entourage of other homeschoolers. While that has value, so does walking slowly through exhibits with one on one attention from each other. There is a new exhibit that is 100+ year old nature and animal dioramas. I'd seen them in the basement archival storage when I worked at the museum, spent lunch times walking around down there with the curator, but it was all new to Lil'Bug and she was really engaged. They have preserved owlets and fox cubs and all sorts of birds that we would likely never see up close. We walked through the trash and recycling exhibit and talked about waste too. All in all, just 45 minutes, but it was lovely.

Then we went home and made Chicken "Noonel" soup. Shortly after we popped in a movie and settled in. My headache was only getting worse and ice packs were no help. Lil'Bug got up and headed to the kitchen. That usually means trouble, but when I finally got up to go after her I found her with all her paint stuff set up and ready to go. "Mama, I was waiting for you to pour the paints!" Indeed she was, very patiently. I got down my paints and canvas and we painted for about an hour. We talked and sipped tea and painted self portraits on our canvases. It didn't make my headache go away, but I was really feeling connected to the small one.

So, then we did NOT clean up and instead grabbed a bucket of strawberries and headed back to the TV room to watch Arthur and snuggle. Soon, Dearest Husband came home- he had a headache too. We made dinner together and played as a family. Soon, I thought it was bedtime and Lil'Bug and I settled in. I fell asleep, tornado tot headed back downstairs to play with Daddy for another few hours.

I woke up at midnight and my headache was gone. All was quiet and sleepy and a thunderstorm was rumbling. The pressure had been released, I went back to sleep.

Stormy Skies

The temperature right now is 49 degrees (F) and the snow is slushy and melting. I have a headache, possibly from the barometric pressure, possibly from stress. I had terrible dreams last night and woke up way too early and anxious. It is the anniversary of the Challenger explosion and my father's (who I haven't seen in almost 4 years) 58th birthday.

This weekend I had an opportunity to practice my revolution: Release. An email popped up in my inbox, a reply to an email I sent to a friend in June of 2006. I had just finished my thesis, changed jobs to stay at home with Lil'Bug and the diploma for my Masters had arrived in the mail. With that relief, I jotted out a quick email to the close friends that I had become distant from that Spring. Only one ever responded and I was heartbroken, left wondering why. Time marched on, I slowly made friends and found things to occupy my time but I was still sad and sometimes angry about the loss.

Guess what? Yahoo had put my email in spam/junk folders and the recipients had never received them. Huh.

So I have all this built up heartbreak I've been holding on to all because of technology? (Ok, my aversion to using the telephone is another blog altogether....) Back to the email on Sunday.....she found my email while changing accounts and sent me an invitation to be friends again, even a play date this week. I cried. Geeze, I'm crying now*. It wasn't a purposeful ending of friendship, it was a glitch. So I released all the hurt I'd been feeling. Bye bye. (Sob, sniffle, whoo hoo!...) *Fine, pregnancy induced crying. Perhaps I am making big deal out of small gesture? Whatever. Whoo Hoo!

I have felt so disconnected and angry and sad for so long about so many things in my life. How many of them should I let go of? What if it hadn't been a mistake? What if I'd just tried harder (ie picked up the phone and dialed) instead of the self pity crap? Release. I need to let go of the questioning I torture myself with and just freaking relax. Enjoy what is to come. Embrace it fully without hesitation or sullen regrets.

Several times in my life I had passionate dreams that were derailed by outside forces or my own learning and discovery. Today reminds me of that. I gave up too easily. I fight hard until I don't and then I just regret. Sometimes I succeed, I do have a Masters and a child to prove that. :) That's just it. Why not explore those interests I gave up on so early? Photography, astronomy, ornithology, poetry, training to be a paramedic......I can still do all of these things and on my own time for my own pleasure. I can rekindle lost friendships. I can foster and nurture new ones without hesitation.

I can heal.

Photo Challenge 4- Release

The word for this week: Release

That's my revolution word for the year as well. My focus for meditation and relaxation. I am challenging my self to find the visual for this word, both noun and verb.

Later this week I am going to set up a sidebar with those who have participated so far! Feel free to jump in if you haven't.

Evil Sniffles, Fish Juice, and Car Safety

The evil sniffles have almost left my tiny daughter's body, we'll see what happens (resurgence?) after she gets home this afternoon from a trip, her first, to Chuck E. Cheese with her grandparents. I am not a germaphobe BUT our local Cheese leaves much to be desired AND Lil'Bug does not do well around animatronic characters (ei nightmares for weeks/months about "Dr. Faucet" and "Her Grossness" from the Grossology exhibit at the Science Center.....) so we will see how she does- rather we will hear about it when she gets home.

*UPDATE: She didn't go the Cheese! MIL took my concerns seriously and postponed the trip. :)

Fish Juice. What else would you call it? Last night while shopping Lil'Bug grabbed a Tropicana Omega 3 juice carton and put it in our cart. My curiosity led me to pick it up and read the ingredients (how did they add O-3 to juice? for that matter how do they get it into eggs? it's a fish product.....). Um. Yeah, in case you did not visit the link or missed the little print:

Ingredients: 100% pure pasturized orange juice and MEG-3* (fish oil and fish gelatin). *Ingredient not found in regular orange juice: contains tilapia, sardine, and anchovy.

If you click on the tilapia link, you'll see a detailed informational site that pretty much explains why I don't eat tilapia anymore. I am on a quest to get the Omega-3 in my diet more but I have to draw the line at adding such to my orange juice. Perhaps it is just a thing I do, reading labels and understanding them. Anchovies/Sardines in my salad dressing, I can live with- but what's next?

Ok, then there's the funny thing: Lil'Bug asked me to strap Purple Baby into a car seat, but we had groceries on the seat so she asked if I could strap her in with me. Sure. What I didn't realize was that I did. The doll was buckled resting right on my gravid belly and I didn't notice until we got home. It was a good laugh for all. At least my fuzzy brain defaults to caring for and the safety of small humanoid things.