Daring to Dream.....Again.

Sabotage. That is my word for the year. So much of the last decade has been me sabotaging any efforts of the creative part of myself. I was recently lent a copy of a book called Mamaphonic, a collection of essays about how motherhood changes the creative force in an artist/mother.  Three essays in I was in tears. I am not the only one, these roadblocks? They are the standard toolbox of motherhood induced writer's block.

The common thread so far, the rope to climb out of the hole, is to just start again. Write/dance/draw/paint/play through the self pity, through the negative self talk, through the distractions, through the insomnia, lack of time, and crappy artistic output. It is harder to pick back up the deeper in the hole you fall, so doodle through it. Keep that pen to paper and the ink flowing. Blogging did that for me. It isn't brilliant writing by any stretch, but it kept that part of my brain going, keeps it lit. Blogging tripe every day is better than long silences.

Pulling snail shells from a farm pond and always regretting that they are not seashells on the beach, sometimes you have to just look at the beauty and poetry of these small treasures, these little tokens of the wild mind and collect them just the same. It's still getting and keeping your feet wet, it's still communing with mermaids and goblins, still treading water. Holding that space for yourself for when the cycle returns and you can make more time for whatever that passion is.



What else? I finally shared with my family and friends what I was going through, instead of hiding it like a dirty secret. THIS was the real key to climbing out. Every time, every single time, I fall back....someone sends me a link to a submission, a suggestion, an inspirational meme, asks to read my work, or in some other small way lets me know that they support this effort, this vocation of mine. From my father in law sending and resending the link to the Ossabaw Island writer's retreat and following up with asking me if I got his link to it and then really helping Chad with kids when I actually went to it........to Chad making space and time for me to have time to write....to friends leaving me comments and small cards in the mail cheering me on.......all of these things make a huge difference in someone like me struggling to value my own work.

I realised today, that Chad has also found a vocation: Regenerative Farming is the name for it, Permaculture by design. I have never seen him so lit up inside and excited about something. Sometimes we come to our true calling later in life, and Chad has certainly found his. He is not as forthcoming asking for emotional support and encouragement though (is this a guy thing or a Chad thing?)....so I am trying to also hold his space for him. Making sure his goals and dreams can fruit without drift killing the branches. I have never seen him so happy. We can make this work, we can move this passion of his to the next level. I'm not sure what that will look like, right now we are in the dreaming phase. Still, those of you all who know us, know that when we dare to dream we do.

The cycle continues, but the more positive we put in, the more we can share with others. What are your dreams and goals and what do you need to move them forward?