So I was thinking, what prompted the suggestions for structure was actually a really bad day we had here. Actually, it wasn't all that special as far as parenting goes- every kid has a day like this. Lil'Bug went all sorts of nuts and drew on walls (so did Blueberry Girl), CUT my new curtains, painted on a chair, and generally threw lots of tantrums. It was the day after a really bad storm smashed up the new playhouse the girls had built with their grandpa and took several healthy limbs out of trees all over the farm.
Perhaps it was reaction to the storm? I made a point of engaging Lil'Bug a couple days later while playing chess and asking her.
She overheard some very adult conversations about 22q11 (the anomaly that Zap was born with) and was afraid that he is going to die. Then she overheard us wondering if one of us has it too, since it can be inherited and she was afraid that we might die too. What incredibly big fears to struggle with! No wonder she was working hard to redirect with art mediums! I do that too, but when I do art it is considered ok, because they are my curtains or my chairs and walls to paint on. She doesn't understand ownership and only knows by example. That makes sense. We talked through it. I doubt it will be the last conversation or the end of her fears.
The doctors appointments threw off our regular structure and that broke up our normal routine and caused me a lot of stress. She felt that. SHE was able to process it more than I was at the time. Quite honestly, she wrote "1 love you" and "I <3 U" all over everything. Love letters to mama.
Every kid has bad days and bad behaviour. Finding the actual cause and addressing that is more effective than punishing with busy work and calling it structure. Just more of my thoughts.
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So true! I've come a long way in my thinking and I think society expects certain things of children that I have let go of...they are people just as adults are, they deserve to make choices in life as adults in my opinion. If it isn't harming someone physical or mentally I let it go. Hard sometimes, but they are ever-learning and need to experiment, sometimes that means destroying things. In this life, things many times come over people’s feelings. When a dish breaks or they draw on the wall, no one was hurt. Things can always be replaced. Children’s feelings can’t.
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