Snob

Am I a snob? Even the look of the word typed out makes me crinkle my nose a bit. In the past month I have been accused of being a snob at least three times, to my face. Which means the thought is running through the people that surround me, right? Still, it has been bothering me a bit.

I try really hard to understand other points of view and not be condescending of other's choices, but I still have an opinion of my own. I think that in the striving that most people do to fit in, their own opinion can get lost. Mine doesn't. I might add to my position or even change my mind sometimes, but I have no problem with sharing my views. I don't let my kids eat certain things because of what is in them or how they are made, I don't use "product" in my hair if it lists urea as an ingredient (because, ew, urine), and I don't have network or cable or satelite television. Those are my choices, I own them.

It is also true that I have lost friends over my opinions and actions regarding drug use around children. That is not snobby, in my opinion. It was at the least an understanding of the law, and at the core protecting my children from care providers who were drug users. Does that make me a snob or a good mom? Right.

That is the base of many of my decisions actually. I think of my children and the health of my family first. If someone threatens that health, we don't invite them to our home. I think that this is a pretty common standard actually. The problem is more complicated when that person is a close family member. I am ashamed to say, that in my family we have child abusers and pedophiles. None are welcome in my home and what mother in her right mind would allow such a person to babysit or even attend her child's birthday party. For crying out loud, that doesn't make me a snob. It isn't just that these unfortunate souls are "not living up to my standards"- it is that they have chosen behaviors that are vile and dangerous. I do believe in second chances in life, but I also believe in common sense. As long as the person is harming herself and others, she is not going to babysit my kids. You know?

I understand, I forgive, I pray for them...but that doesn't mean the harm they have done isn't real or that they don't continue to pose a threat. Then there is another aspect. I am a child abuse survivor. The person who abused me, the thought of having her in my home causes me great anxiety. She continued to abuse me well into adulthood and demands that I allow her access to my family. When I finally healed enough to stand up for myself, I still fall to her words. So I need distance and absence. That is what I need. That is what I demand. It doesn't make me a snob. In fact, it pisses me off that the sentiment was even issued. It is an insult to me as victim/survivor. Only because it is a familial issue, is it an issue at all. No one would be expected to invite their mugger or stalker to their kid's birthday.

Oh, I have prayed about this. I have forgiven. I might even understand how what came to be did. I just won't ever forget nor will I let history play like a broken record.