Breastfeeding

I will apologize up front to the relatives who read this and still see me as a 6 year old girl. I'm going to talk about boobs. Don't read any further if that's going to upset you.

I've been reading over at Welcome to My Brain and pondering some of the comments and posts on lactivism. It was really sad when I began breastfeeding. We had to work so hard to get it to work for us and I did so under a blanket or hiding in a guest room. My first week home from the hospital I visited a friend (mistake # 1, should stay in bed after major surgery) and walking up the stairs to the guest room to sit on the floor to feed my newborn (standing up was mistake # 2) and then ending up in the ER because I had torn things internally. All because I felt an imposed shame, I could have died from internal bleeding. Who would have seen? A supportive mother friend who formula fed her kid. I have no idea why I felt the need to hide from her. It took me two years to finally get the confidence to breastfeed in public AND stand up for others doing so.

It's what they are for. I'm glad mine worked. I am also glad that women like Christine at WTMB work so hard to help normalize it visually. She has beautiful photos! My daughter often pretends to feed her babies (and recently the cat) her mommy milk. It is so sweet. It also reminds me that I worked really hard to give that to her and I wouldn't change a thing (except the stupidity that landed me in the ER). I feel bad for women who quit because they feel pressured to use formula or ashamed of the exposure, I can empathize. Been there, done that, but I didn't give in to peer pressure. I am blessed beyond measure to have a wonderful husband who encouraged me, drove me to the ER, and encouraged me some more. I could not have stood the front without his guard.

So that's my thank you for the day: to my dearest husband, thank you for being a great dad and husband. Thank you for facilitating breastfeeding our daughter. Thank you for everything.