More to come.....

.....We've been really busy the last two days: play dates, packages, field trips, card board boxes....so we have lots of pictures coming. I'm just really tired so I will post it all in the morning!

The Other Blogs I Love

The problem I have with awards is who gets left out....I can only award 10? So last night I lay awake thinking about how I feel when I get left out (rotten) and what I could do about the whole thing.

So part of my reasoning was that hopefully, the chain of awards would spread in a predictable way and certain of my awesome local friends would get the award that way. But then I also have a rule that I have to have been reading a blog for a while to give it an award; this is in case I pop in one day and the usual recipe or craft is replaced with a hateful rant about gays or Catholics or the like (real life example). I'll not be one to direct someone to that with a link, no no. Also, the times it happened to me I was so surprised.

That said, there were others that I just plain forgot about when making up the list. I'd like to take you on a tour now. They are mostly my favorite artist and farmer blogs, some local, some really far away:

Laura at CenterDownHome: If I had a home like hers, I'd never leave either. She's living my dream. She's and artist and an unschooler and had amazing music on her blog. Sometimes, I open it up to listen as background. :) She inspires me with her beautiful writing. She found me first I think, through the blog ring, but I am so glad she did!

Abby at SugarCreek: Yay for Abby and her CSA! She's an awesome musician too. She's just had a baby boy to add to her brood and I am so glad all went well for her this pregnancy. I've met her twice, both on really of days where I was not feeling very social or talkative and that is something I regret. We share many of the same thoughts on food and the like. We've emailed a bunch, but really it's not the same!

Pile of Omelays: Again, living my dream. Awesome music. Really helpful hints about homesteading.

Wheelchairmama: How could I have forgotten her? A. I have jam for you! She's an awesome mom and friend. Right now, one of the few people who calls me and I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. (That's another post all together, my phone aversion.)

Amy at the FOIL HAT: If you've never used her soap.....oh my. I tried to spread the love at the holidays. But aside from her awesome soap- she is freakin' hilarious. No really. She could have a sitcom and I might actually watch TV.

You know what? I really liked sharing these. I think it will become a regular thing here. Any recommendations?

Monday on a Tuesday

After I posted yesterday, we headed to an OB appointment. Everything is well and good. The report came back on the fibroid, it is small, has grown but not significantly. The docs don't think it will interfere in the VBAC. I am so thrilled at the medical support I am getting for my choice to VBAC! I got the ok for the Yoga I want to do and asked questions about the Bradley exercises that I am confused about.

Oh, and about that- We have decided to take the Bradley classes and there is absolutely no problem with that. They think it is great and recommended the local teacher. With the rumors circulating locally, it was a relief to hear that.

Baby's heart rate is 150/min. My weight gain is perfect, as is my BP.

So then we headed downtown to the historical museum. That was fun. It had been a while since Lil'Bug and I went someplace new without an entourage of other homeschoolers. While that has value, so does walking slowly through exhibits with one on one attention from each other. There is a new exhibit that is 100+ year old nature and animal dioramas. I'd seen them in the basement archival storage when I worked at the museum, spent lunch times walking around down there with the curator, but it was all new to Lil'Bug and she was really engaged. They have preserved owlets and fox cubs and all sorts of birds that we would likely never see up close. We walked through the trash and recycling exhibit and talked about waste too. All in all, just 45 minutes, but it was lovely.

Then we went home and made Chicken "Noonel" soup. Shortly after we popped in a movie and settled in. My headache was only getting worse and ice packs were no help. Lil'Bug got up and headed to the kitchen. That usually means trouble, but when I finally got up to go after her I found her with all her paint stuff set up and ready to go. "Mama, I was waiting for you to pour the paints!" Indeed she was, very patiently. I got down my paints and canvas and we painted for about an hour. We talked and sipped tea and painted self portraits on our canvases. It didn't make my headache go away, but I was really feeling connected to the small one.

So, then we did NOT clean up and instead grabbed a bucket of strawberries and headed back to the TV room to watch Arthur and snuggle. Soon, Dearest Husband came home- he had a headache too. We made dinner together and played as a family. Soon, I thought it was bedtime and Lil'Bug and I settled in. I fell asleep, tornado tot headed back downstairs to play with Daddy for another few hours.

I woke up at midnight and my headache was gone. All was quiet and sleepy and a thunderstorm was rumbling. The pressure had been released, I went back to sleep.

Stormy Skies

The temperature right now is 49 degrees (F) and the snow is slushy and melting. I have a headache, possibly from the barometric pressure, possibly from stress. I had terrible dreams last night and woke up way too early and anxious. It is the anniversary of the Challenger explosion and my father's (who I haven't seen in almost 4 years) 58th birthday.

This weekend I had an opportunity to practice my revolution: Release. An email popped up in my inbox, a reply to an email I sent to a friend in June of 2006. I had just finished my thesis, changed jobs to stay at home with Lil'Bug and the diploma for my Masters had arrived in the mail. With that relief, I jotted out a quick email to the close friends that I had become distant from that Spring. Only one ever responded and I was heartbroken, left wondering why. Time marched on, I slowly made friends and found things to occupy my time but I was still sad and sometimes angry about the loss.

Guess what? Yahoo had put my email in spam/junk folders and the recipients had never received them. Huh.

So I have all this built up heartbreak I've been holding on to all because of technology? (Ok, my aversion to using the telephone is another blog altogether....) Back to the email on Sunday.....she found my email while changing accounts and sent me an invitation to be friends again, even a play date this week. I cried. Geeze, I'm crying now*. It wasn't a purposeful ending of friendship, it was a glitch. So I released all the hurt I'd been feeling. Bye bye. (Sob, sniffle, whoo hoo!...) *Fine, pregnancy induced crying. Perhaps I am making big deal out of small gesture? Whatever. Whoo Hoo!

I have felt so disconnected and angry and sad for so long about so many things in my life. How many of them should I let go of? What if it hadn't been a mistake? What if I'd just tried harder (ie picked up the phone and dialed) instead of the self pity crap? Release. I need to let go of the questioning I torture myself with and just freaking relax. Enjoy what is to come. Embrace it fully without hesitation or sullen regrets.

Several times in my life I had passionate dreams that were derailed by outside forces or my own learning and discovery. Today reminds me of that. I gave up too easily. I fight hard until I don't and then I just regret. Sometimes I succeed, I do have a Masters and a child to prove that. :) That's just it. Why not explore those interests I gave up on so early? Photography, astronomy, ornithology, poetry, training to be a paramedic......I can still do all of these things and on my own time for my own pleasure. I can rekindle lost friendships. I can foster and nurture new ones without hesitation.

I can heal.